I’ve decided that I’m going to be 23 this year. In reality, I’m biologically 26, but I’ve decided that I want the past three years back, so I’m just going with it. It makes me feel better, and I think that if you’re gonna lie about your age, you should start early so people notice less later.
Last year I made goals. I didn’t keep those goals. So, they reset this year. My new weight goal is to lose 111-126 pounds. It’s three pounds less than last year, so I dunno what the hell I weighed last year, but I could look it up if I get curious. I’m fucking huge… something has to give. Nothing I’ve tried really works, though. I can’t keep to anything. So… I dunno what I’m going to do. I’m not making a plan, I’m just going to see if I can lose it by sheer power of will… coupled with trying really hard not to binge eat.
The binge eating gets me every time.
This year I DID stop smoking… so that’s a positive life choice. I also took up cooking vegan/vegetarian dishes. They’re not really less caloric, but there’s something to be said about trying to eat more veg. So, we’ll see if upping my vegetarian/vegan meal intake affects my weight. My friend is a raw vegan, and she’s lost a ton of weight, so there’s got to be something behind the concept of higher veg intake. I’m not sure I can do raw vegan, though… I mean… Maybe… I dunno.
I cooked the last of my pasta last night, since that’s a big downfall for me. I started making cucumber noodles, which it crazy tasty with nutritional yeast on it. So that should replace some cals as soon as the chicken and spinach pasta is gone. In the meantime I will enjoy my pasta… I love pasta.
I dunno, man. I have been trying to lose weight my entire life. It feels so hopeless. I’ve done it before, and the weight came back and brought friends, so that’s just… shit. The fat trap is real… and the struggle to dodge it, even more so. It’s really depressing.
I am going to try to get more active, but I haven’t decided WHEN I’ll do that. I’m trying to finish a blanket for Maria for Christmas… and I think the end of that will be when I start doing the elliptical that I have to hate so much. I just don’t like the one I have… it has such a small gait… I’m not short enough for it… but… I gotta do something… Even if it’s just because in 2 years I’ll be invited to a high school reunion… Vanity is my best motivator… For real.
No boyfriends. No job changes. Nothing interesting to report. Think I’m back to being asexual after breaking my stint of celibacy in September… I’m glad I didn’t blog about that. I make bad life choices for no reason other than to sabotage myself. It’s a flaw.
So. Here’s to a new year for me… and starting my life goal of not being fat all over again.