Reasons I Am Depressed Today

  1. My friend Kris is moving out of state next week, without warning.
    1. He found a job in his hometown… and I shall miss my Alt-Me.
  2. My weight, while not having gone up, will not go down, either.
    1. I’ve finally figured out how to not GAIN weight… but the point here is supposed to be to lose it.
  3. My house is currently being haunted by something that turns all my lights on.
    1. Side Note: I don’t believe in ghosts… but weird phenomena happens. Probably some kind of power surge or something, but I’m sick of it waking me up at night.
  4. Thinking about exercise.
    1. Just happens.
  5. My house is dirty.
  6. I’m tired.
  7. I feel like my life is going nowhere.
  8. I have this fear that when I look back on my 20s I’m going to remember mostly sitting at home alone.
  9. I’m perpetually worried about Keagan’s health, since he’s 13, now.
    1. He is my oldest dog, if you’re not familiar.
  10. I don’t currently find my job a rewarding experience.
  11. Every time I talk to my mother, it seems to turn into a game of “Why You’re Wrong (Even If You Agree With Me).”
  12. I just generally want to be someone else.

Life is just… meh…
I can’t say it’s bad. From an outside standpoint, I’m doing very well with my long-standing employment, and my house, and my dogs, and everything. From an insider perspective… I’m really fucking depressed. I’m so depressed that I can’t even care about other people that may or may not be depressed or stressed. Their teary complaints roll off me like I’m covered in Thompson’s Water Seal. Sometimes, I just want to shake them violently and scream at them that they don’t even deserve to be complaining. I don’t, of course. While I might be heartless, crude, and offensively honest, usually, I just hold all that in.

You can’t make people understand your life. People are made up of their experiences. Mine are different than every other person on the planet. The basis for what you can mentally cope with is made from those experiences. If you’ve never experienced something, there’s a big chance it’s going turn your life upside down until you figure out how to deal with it. Once you do it once, though, you can do it as many times as life throws it at you.

Killing is like anything; it gets easier the more you do it.

Weird quote to live by, but it makes a point. Everything is traumatic at first… but nothing stays that way… Nothing.

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