It Still Hurts

My face still hurts… but so does my pride.
My eyebrow hurts every time I move it, and my pride hurts every time I think about getting stood up.

I think I figured both out, though.
I think I split the muscle in my eyebrow under the skin. Usually when you do that, there’s a cut that has to be stitched up. Since I didn’t hit anything sharp enough to split my skin, I think I just bashed the muscle too hard, and that’s why it’s still all tender and painy…
As for the stand up…
It’s been bugging me since Saturday evening at 1130pm as to why being stood up hurts. I’m AroAce… I don’t really do romance, and I don’t care for sex, but I’m still a human being. I still got rejected, as a person. Someone still decided that I wasn’t even worth notifying that they wouldn’t be showing up. That’s shitty. That’s shitty no matter who you are or the circumstance. It’s the destruction of expectation. It hurts.

I’ve determined that I’d like to find a partner, one day, in spite of being AroAce. I don’t know HOW I will find one that meets my requirements list, but surely it could happen. If everyone on Doomsday Preppers and My 600 Lb Life can find spouses, surely I can, too. Although, I’ve been told that my concept of an ideal relationship is what normal people get out of a best friend. Someone to go out with. Someone to stay in with. Someone that I just enjoy being around. It makes me wonder what people are getting out of their romantic relationships, then… I mean if you can find that in a best friend, why date? I know there’s the sex aspect, but I know aces that think I’m falling short of a relationship mark, too… so… it’s a mystery.

As an aro, I don’t guess I’ll ever understand a regular relationship. But… that’s fine.
It’s a hell of a time to be alive. People are starting families without getting married, getting married with no intention of starting a family, gays can marry (in a number of states)… and essentially you can build a relationship to meet whatever needs you want. I’d like a companion. I’m willing to have sex with them, if they meet the rest of my criterion… but that’s part of the building. And, for the first time in the past few months, I genuinely feel optimistic about my potential future.


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