Screaming Into The Void

Why do I have a blog?
Why do I have a Facebook, and a Tumblr, and a Google+?

It’s because I have this need to be heard… or at least feel like I’m being heard…

But what’s really happening here?

I have a little over 300 followers on Tumblr. Sometimes I get a lot of likes and reposts from the asexual or aromantic community, but no one really talks to me on there. My biggest fan is my friend in really real life, so they aren’t really a fan as much as they just already know I’m bomb-diggity.

I have 110 friends on Facebook. About half of those are band pages. Of the remaining people, I don’t really hear from any of them. If I post something to FB all I get back is a couple of likes and a whole lot of over-aggression at what song I’m enjoying. (You wouldn’t believe the outrage at my appreciation of the new Fall Out Boy album… Why? Why is there actual aggression behind the dislike? Did Pete Wentz personally assault you with a broken beer bottle? No? Then what the fuck, bro-sauce?) In general, I don’t like posting on FB because everything gets ignored or bashed more often than not.

On G+ I have 1288 people following me, and I follow 48 people and 53 various pages about Doctor Who and horror movies. Really, though, only three people on G+ actively interact with me. Nice people. Maybe I’ll meet them one day. Maybe not.

So what’s the point? What’s the point of my screams if like six people in the whole internets hears me?

I think it’s less about the response and more the perception that if you put it out there, someone is bound to see it eventually. That really good quotable phrase I came up with, or this article on bees, or even just this picture of me being a bum with my dogs and doing nothing. It’s all just something I want someone to appreciate. A like here or there. A compliment, no matter how backhanded, it adds up in the sad little world that is the reality of a heavy internet user.

It’s still more interaction than I get with real people.


REGULAR UPDATE

I have a date tomorrow after work. He doesn’t have a car, and he smokes pot, but he seems genuinely interested in my personality, and has only mentioned my looks once, when he called me “cute stuff” this morning. I like that. So I’m overlooking the car and the pot for now. I live in Colorado… people smoke pot… and I have friends that didn’t have cars for like a decade and managed just fine. He’s got two jobs and he seems alright. And I could use a nice date.

I also have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.
Mom was reading an article on how Coeliac Disease can sometimes cause peripheral neuropathy. I have not been diagnosed with either, but I do experience a lot of symptoms of both. I don’t think it’s normal for someone to have intestinal distress every single day of their lives. I don’t think it’s normal that I often lose feeling in my fingers and hands. I don’t think it’s normal that I feel best when I don’t eat at all (aside from being really aggressively hungry).

So, I made the appointment, and I’m going to ask to be tested for coeliac, and see if they have any other theories.

DID YOU KNOW THERE IS WHEAT IN BOUILLON CUBES?! WHY?!

I didn’t know.

Just in case I do have Coeliac Disease, I’ve been trying to look at what I eat… I eat a lot of fucking wheat…

So, we’ll see how that goes.

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