It’s Not You… It’s That You’re Creepy AF.

Me: “Did I do something wrong?

Him: “Honestly, some of the things you say make me really uncomfortable.”

So it turns out that I am the psychopath.

I couldn’t take it. It was bugging me that everything was going so well and then just… Radio silence. So last night, when I was packing up my kitchen to get new cabinets today, I sucked it up and texted him like a sane adult to see what I did wrong. The not knowing was eating me alive inside! Know what I did wrong? Do ya? Nothing, I was just too overwhelmingly myself, and I creeped him the fuck out.

Let me clarify. I don’t say racists things, or offensive things, or think immigrants should go back to China, or anything like that. What he is referring to is that I say weird shit, all the time, and people never really know if it’s true or not because it’s things that make you wonder.
Example: I will knife you in your sleep. I don’t want to dispose of another body; it’s so time consuming. There is absolutely no one hidden in my crawl space. I wanted to tied you up and keep you in the basement, but I didn’t plan for it.
I say a lot of weird shit. No one ever seems to know if I’m kidding. I tell them I’m kidding…. but I guess the frequency with which I say these things makes people wonder. That, or the crazy. Being Bipolar and a high functioning sociopath doesn’t really help make the crazy shit I say seem less…. serious and worrisome.

It probably also didn’t help that before he left I played him one of my favorite songs….Chloroform Girl by Polkadot Cadaver. Rated number five on the most disturbing songs list by Billboard like two years ago, it’s about keeping a girl tied up in a basement for three years. Good song. I love Todd Smith bands.

So I get it. I’m creeptacular.

I, literally, creeped the fuck out of him.
He liked me.
He wanted to fuck me.
He liked fucking me.
I creeped him out and he no longer wants to fuck me.

It’s really very relieving, though… I thought I’d done something actually wrong.
I thought he was mad. No, he’s scared. I get that. I’ve met me. I understand the hesitation.

It’s just so fucking hilarious. I was excited, then sad, then mad, then sad again, and now I’m just like… good. I’m good. I’m totally good with all of it. I can comprehend me creeping people out. I’m a creepy human being.

This should be in a god damn sitcom.


One thought on “It’s Not You… It’s That You’re Creepy AF.

  1. Pingback: I Forgot How to Ride a Bike (Also, Another Ex Got Married) | Teh Prophet Lushpuppy

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