I’m Not Okay…

I hate that most of these entries are me complaining about something… but since nothing exciting happens in my life, that’s what happens.

Three weeks ago I was not this miserable. I was pretty okay with who I was and how life was going. This week I don’t even want to kill myself, I just want to curl up somewhere and not exist anymore. I feel lonely, unaccomplished, sad, and generally not good.

Mom’s been doing that thing where she’s been thinking about what will happen to me when she dies and telling me that i should move away so she can’t bring me down anymore, and how I need to find a husband because life is too hard alone… so I dropped $125 on a match.com subscription, so I could at least pull out a few dates and look like I’m trying, and have had no luck. No one even wants to talk me. Not even really skeezy or gross guys… it’s just silence… and I hate it. I think that made the fact I was still recovering from three days of relating to someone even worse. I was already reeling about lost potential, and then she’s gotta guilt me into making up dates I am going on and how many people want to talk to me.

On top of that, since I am drowning at work, but can’t pull any overtime, I worked like 12 hours off the clock this week. That’s illegal, by the way. So… I’m exhausted and I’m not even being paid for it…

I just feel like everything is awful. I’m not doing anything with my life, and I don’t feel like I really have friends, except this girl from work… who has other real friends…

All I have are the dogs… And I love them… but I feel like human beings might need more socialization than I originally thought.


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