I don’t know why sometimes shit bothers me more often than other days. I’d kill for something constant in my emotional spectrum.
Today being aromantic bothers me.
I’m a special kind of nothing. I’m asexual and aromantic.
Part of me wishes I was just a little more agender so I could claim that and complete my all around absence of characteristics… but I don’t think just generally being uncomfortable as a human being in the gender binary counts, for me, as a valid reason to identify as agender. I just buy the chick clothes and let it go.
Being asexual is often frustrating because people don’t understand the concept… but sooner or later you get lumped in with abstinence or celibacy and they just kind of brush it off.
I’m fine with that, myself. I’m all about people being apathetic about my little uncommon traits.
I think apathy is better than acceptance, because people don’t have to accept it. It’s just more of a, “You don’t feel sexual attraction? Okay… I don’t really get that, but whatever. Let’s get a burger.” I feel like that’s a normal, healthy response to things, and requires significantly less from the person you’re speaking to. I mean if someone came out to you as straight… unless they have some VERY unique personality characteristics, you’re not gonna care. It’s just whatever…
Being aromantic is different. An asexual is still probably looking for their soul mate, and trying to figure out how to make relationships work, and they’re still on that journey that all people are on to find their other half to complete, or compliment, them (depending on how codependent they are). They could still be in a romantic comedy released on Valentine’s Day, with their asexuality being part of the laughs… and then prolly totally disrespected by them finding THE ONE that makes sex great and they were never really asexual in the first place… and they ride off into the sunset while fucking on the back of a white horse.
Aromantics, to many people I’ve spoken with, sound like Psychopaths. We don’t want a relationship. We don’t believe we need another person to complete us. We can have great friendships, but we don’t want that to develop into something romantic… and if it starts to, there’s a chance we’re gonna have to cut you loose. That’s not to say all aromantics are opposed to relationships, just like not all asexuals are opposed to sex, but wrapping your brain around someone not wanting to find someone to spend their lives with sounds crazy about 90% of the time.
So if you take this, and apply it to my interactions with people, either my friends are married (mixture of happily and unhappily) or they are single as fuck. Apparently, being single as fuck drives people insane.
I hang out on dating sites because it’s fun to make fuckboys cry and because it makes my mom feel better when I occasionally get a date. (It makes her feel like I’m trying.) I guess other people are actually trying to find love on these sites. You can’t.
It severely depresses people to scroll through all the available singles in their area only to see that everyone is awful.
My matches, for instance, are all overweight, balding, introverted mega nerds with poor social skills. I’m not super picky about looks, cuz let’s be real… I’m probably not going to fuck you anyways… but even I have a line. That line is, “strikes me as a potential pedophile obsessed with young Asian girls as a result of watching too much anime alone in a dark room instead of speaking to human beings.”
But I know that all my matches are going to be awful. I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m just dicking around on the computer.
I’m the queen of internet dating. I’ve been doing it since before other people really latched onto the concept and began toying with it. My first “relationship” was with a kid halfway across the continent. I didn’t meet him till way later. It was a weird time.
Anyways, so when people I know get on these websites and complain, I just look at them like, “yeah, duh, that’s what’s on a dating site…” If these people were really datable, they wouldn’t be on a dating site. Are there potentially datable people on a dating site? In theory, yes, but the chances you’re going to meet those people on a dating site are so slim that it could model high fashion during the heroin chic 90s.
I, personally, just don’t get it.
I, also, don’t feel the need to even really sustain friendships at this point, though. Yeah, I have some people I go see at karaoke… but I have no idea what’s happening in their lives. We don’t associate if I don’t show up. Yeah, I have some people I go to shows with… but we don’t associate unless we’re going to the same concert. I haven’t seen Bird in months. Besties 1 & 2 live out of state. I have a coworker that I’m friends with and we do stuff, but it’s a pretty artificial relationship. She wouldn’t call me for dating advice or to help her move. She’s got better friends for that.
That shit used to bother me, but now I totally embrace it. People come with baggage and shit… and I don’t have time for that.
The thing is, though… My distant stance on interpersonal relationships makes me… not… relatable. That’s not so bad when you’re avoiding contact with people… but when you’re legitimately trying to understand someone or give some comforting advice… I just end up sounding like a heartless freak. And maybe I am, but there’s that feeling.
It’s a feeling I get a lot, in a lot of different kind of situations… but it’s where you’ve said something that you feel is relevant or interesting… and people just side step you. Happens to me all the time, not with just romantic or sexual things. I’ll bring up an interesting fact, and no thinks it’s interesting. I’ll make a comment on my interpretation of something, and no one thinks it’s worth talking about anymore. My mother literally just talks over me sometimes… Like me saying ANYTHING is probably the wrong thing to do right then….
And that’s why being aro today sucks. I’m being side-stepped because I’m incapable of relating. Makes me feel stupid.