Is Fat Better Than Flab?

Guys, I’m scared to lose weight.

So my weight loss goals go unachieved every single year. I might drop some weight, but I haven’t lost any significant weight since 2009. There’s a myriad of reasons for it, including a binge eating habit and a lack of activity being up there at the top of reasons I struggle with my weight, but there’s a bigger reason that no one really understands until they’re looking down the barrel of it…

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This picture comes from an article about a woman that lost 110 lbs. This is what her body looked like afterward… just extra skin everywhere. She tried to exercise it away to no avail, and finally she had to have four surgeries to remove 10 lbs of skin. The end product is still not what she thought she’d get, but it’s better. (Click to read the whole article, it’s great.)

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So… Doing the math… if I were to lose the 125 lbs that I want to lose, this is my future. I’d also like to point out that she had breast augmentation to get those boobs back. She lost all her boobs, as you can see in the previous picture. So, I’ll be flabby and flat-chested, instead of fat with boobs.

WHY WOULD I WANT TO SENTENCE MYSELF TO THIS?

No one told me, growing up, that this could happen. I was always kind of a fat kid. I could have been a thin teenager and maybe I wouldn’t have become a fat adult until way later in life. It’s only recently that I’ve been made aware that this is my impending reality if I ever get my shit together. I was always told that my skin, being young as it is, would snap back into place. Now, I’m on the wrong side of 25, and it’s officially too late to go back.

Do I still want to lose weight? Yes. Of course I do. I’d love to not be fat, but I don’t really know if I’m more upset by the idea of being fat my entire life, or losing weight just to end up with miles of skin covered in stretch marks that will never fade, that someone will probably have to CUT off of my person. I mean, neither is particularly appealing.

I thought of this, not just because I read the article, but because I’m looking to start hiking this year… Which I hate and don’t want to do, but I said I would do it, so I’m going to do it… But if you couple my diet plans with hiking, I should lose weight… Which is great! Except that I’m terrified out of my mind to end up a pile of skin. I don’t think I could deal with that, mentally. I think I’d wake up one morning and just kill myself, because if you can’t be happy being thinner, then what the fuck is going to make you happy?

I know it sounds overdramatic…. and I’d have to actually a substantial amount of weight before skin would be a problem for me… but… I dunno. It just makes losing weight seem so pointless.

Not to mention all the fat people that lose weight and then die of heart problems… Momma Cass didn’t die from choking on a sandwich. She lot a ton of weight, was really healthy for once in her life, and her heart gave out. John Pinette did the same thing more recently.

It just feels… so fucking pointless to try and get my shit together…  Flab. Death. That feeling of perpetual unhappiness even when you achieve you life goals, because life is really quite meaningless and we’re all just killing time and distracting ourselves from death….

I think I’m having an existential crisis.

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3 thoughts on “Is Fat Better Than Flab?

  1. It is natual for your skin to stretch if you gain weight, it’s even necessary. There are tons of differetn studies out there, some saying being overweight is dangerours and some saying being a bit overweight is actually not all that bad. Being overly obese of course is a differen thing.
    Anyway, a lot of times your genetics have more to do with your weight than what you eat and how much you exercise.Of course it counts in, but as I see it you cannot beat your genetics. And you don’t need to. Eat what you want and stop when you’re not hungry anymore. Go for a walk if you feel to inactive. Or go swimming, it will even make you feel lighter thanks to the water around you and yout joints get a break 😉 (I go swimmung regularly and I see a lot of women there that might be a bit overweight, but in the water they are ofen enough more elegant and fast than I am) This will not get you to size zero, but as long as you are limited of your actions by your weight, you should feel fine, shouldn’t you?
    Also the woman from your example, as you said yourself, lost a lot of weight. A lot. Losing maybe 3 or 10 or 15kg won’t neccesaryly let you look like that.
    And.. losing weight is pointless if you don’t need to lose weight. If you are healthy there is no point in it, but for reasons of look. And being thinner isn’t a synonym for being happier either. There will always be that one pimple, that one point of rough skin. Nobody’s perfect. We gotta deal with that, don’t we? 🙂

    • I’m not trying to be a size zero. I’m very overweight. At minimum I need to lose 100 lb (45ish kg) to get into a healthy weight range at all.

      • Well, start with 10kg and see how you feel. Feel better? Go ahead. Maybe do some strechtes to keep your skin elastic, maybe some foam rolling. Maybe start a diary to write down any changes you (for better or worse) might see. If you do binge eat, maybe binge eat some carrots or apples. Or make everthing you eat yourself,so it will take more time to make it and the process will show you more, what you are going to consume?

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