I had a weird weekend.
Friday I was supposed to have a date. He ended up cancelling, because he didn’t feel good. I was pretty okay with it… I still left work at 4, and ended up eating Chipotle and playing Injustice, instead. I was going to go out to karaoke, but I just… didn’t really wanna.
On top of knowing that if I went out I’d smoke, and I’m making a conscious effort to NOT DO THAT, I just don’t feel like I belong at karaoke. I don’t sing, so there’s that, but it’s more than that. I’m increasingly aware that I don’t really feel like I fit in with people that I call my friends. It’s not because they’re married or have kids. It’s not because I’m single and a borderline pet hoarder. It’s how they receive me, really.
Like, I’m sure at some point in your life you’ve had a conversation with someone, maybe a parent, maybe a friend, maybe a sibling, and they’re listening to you and not being at all rude, but you could feel that they didn’t really care what you were saying. Or, that feeling when you’re talking to someone and you feel like everything you say just sounds stupid, but they don’t say that and they’re very polite. No one has told me that when I talk it’s boring or stupid, or that I blather on about nothing. I just don’t feel like people care what I say. Even if it’s a shared interest I always feel like when I talk, they are just listening to be polite… We don’t carry on conversations TOGETHER so much as THEY TALK and I add in comments as best I can…
Maybe I get that insecurity from talking to my mom. Whenever I try to tell her about something that interests me, but doesn’t fit into her interests she just gets real quiet… and I just want to curl up and die because I’m boring. She doesn’t tell me I’m boring… she just doesn’t really listen and stares at something. In recent years I’ve gained more and more interests and she has seemingly actually lost interest in some things we both used to love. I try to assume that happens to everyone, but I don’t really know, since most people I know don’t spend much time with their parents.
Anyways… I staid in.
I was really surprised with Injustice. I picked the game up for $20 at Target. People had recommended it to me, but I wasn’t expecting much since it was pretty cheap… granted it’s 3 years old, but so is Pokemon Y, and that’s still a $60 game… I am really into it, though. I love the plot. I love the game play. The characters are great and even have some depth to them. I’m actually enjoying this story better than the story for Mortal Kombat X, which I got kinda bored with in story mode. So, I foresee that eating a lot of my time in the future.
Saturday I got my hair done… put some pink and purple colors in it. Super cute stuff… and then I hung out at home till it was time to go on a date (maybe).
So, SupaNerd and I were to meet up at the 90s show I was going to. I didn’t know if he’d show up. I hadn’t checked on it, or anything, because…. in my head a sane, rational person wouldn’t be checking up on it like that. In reality… I was pretty sure I was going to be there alone, get depressed, and go home. Fortunately, he texted me. He came straight from the gym, and we joke about how I didn’t think he’d show. He took that a little personally, but between standing me up once, then cancelling on me, and then not talking to me for a month… I mean, what else SHOULD I have assumed?
He apologized, and filled me in on how terrible work has been and how hectic it’s been getting his dad ready to move out here with him. So, I opted to forgive… and thus began probably the worst date I’ve ever been on.
The pizzeria we met at was packed. We could barely get to the bar, much less find a seat. So, I, in my brilliance, thought we could go downtown. So, since he lived closer, I got his address and we agreed I’d pick him up and take him downtown. Well, my phone has no idea where he lives. So I got lost, and he had to figure out where I was and how to get to his place… WHICH WAS SO EASY ONCE I FIGURED OUT WHERE THE HELL I WAS!!! Stupid GPS.
Then I asked to use his bathroom and he was all kinds of embarrassed because it wasn’t clean. Now… I don’t live in filth, but I’m a relatively messy person with four dogs and a cat, who doesn’t dust. So, I’m like… for serial, bruh… stop it. It’s fine. And it really is. The guy doesn’t have much. He’s gotta be living in 500 sq ft and it’s sparsely furnished. In fact, he doesn’t really have furniture… He has a 3D printer and a bunch of electronic stuff where he’s building computers and shit. I just kept going, “Dude… my house is worse… stop it.”
So we went downtown. This was a bad idea for a few reasons. First, there was a hockey game. When there is a game of any kind, every single place in Denver becomes packed. We couldn’t find anywhere that we could get a drink. It was insane. Also, it’s February. Granted, it’s been great weather for February, it was windy as shit. So we got blown all over. The wind chill also made it colder than it was. So we kinda walked around the area of LoDo that I like, and then crossed the Platte to get to really real downtown.
There’s a big bridge that goes over the train tracked at Union. It looks like a boat mast. I like that bridge. I don’t like the stairs to it. There’s a lot and they’re weirdly lit… and I hate them… so while SupaNerd ran them, I took the elevator. That was fine, until the elevator on the other side broke. With me in it. At least I was on the bottom floor, or I might have been more nervous, but the doors wouldn’t open. SupaNerd was freaking out, cuz I was stuck in an elevator. Meanwhile, I called the little man that is supposed to help you get out. His techniques didn’t work, and he was sending a technician.
I took the opportunity to return a call to my friend and we laughed about me being stuck in an elevator. He had called to see if I’d go hang out with him, since he broke up with his significant other, but I was… stuck in an elevator. He found that quite funny, though. I also told him about my date, who was stuck outside the elevator. Then I realized I hadn’t seen my date in a while… and I heard something bash hard into the door… and the door opened! My date saved me! Lol. Not a graceful save, but he saved me! Lol.
We celebrated by running away from that cage and getting pizza. Well… he got pizza, and I watched him eat it, because I don’t eat in public, since my GI track always wants me to die afterward. Then we tried to go to the Rio for margs, but again it was packed… And then in a weird series of conversational events, he picked me up and dropped me. So that was fun.
We decided to just go back to his house to watch Steven Universe. That was nice.
I had to rub lotion on his back, though, because he is sunburned to hell. How? Tanning bed. He literally gave himself heat stroke in a tanning bed. Lol. It’s so ridiculous. Apparently he got self-conscious at the gym, which is not ridiculous. I don’t gym, but when I did I hated the locker room. Between the people changing in public and the old women that just walk around naked… it’s just… bad… so fucking bad…
I didn’t stay the night. We didn’t kiss. We didn’t do anything except watch Steven Universe. I did lay on him. Went home around 1am. He insisted we hang out the next day. I was not opposed.
Sunday I made cake. Here’s a blog entry all about my failed cake and my rebound attempt. Baking is hard. I also rushed around in the morning and picked some shit up, cleaned the bathroom, etc.while SupaNerd was at work. I didn’t deep clean, but I washed the sofa cover and stuff. Just things that seemed good. Since I’d seen SupaNerd’s place, I knew I could get away with not being super clean… cuz I’m just not.
We were going to go to the Aquarium or something, but he has heat stroke, and I am thousands of times more comfortable on my own turf. So he met the dogs… who only tried to kill him like twice… and we watched Steven Universe. I put aloe on his back, cuz he looks like a lobster, and let him borrow a t-shirt since his work shirt is really rough. Then… the afternoon declined into him essentially sleeping on my sofa / me. It was fine, though. I watched Steven Universe, we ordered Chinese, and when he passed out I took the opportunity to watch the last episode of Gravity Falls. It was the kind of date you usually have with someone months into it… So, it was a literal weird, but it was fine. I didn’t really mind.
I did send him home around 330 though. He really just needed to sleep, and I had more housekeeping I needed to get to. He went home and passed out… and I put in some laundry, made my 2nd cake, and played Injustice some more.
Then I watched Star vs the Forces of Evil. Why did no one tell me that show was so awesome!? I binged the entire damn thing, and I have no regrets about it.
Anyways… that’s my weekend.
I like SupaNerd. I liked him since date one. I don’t know how to tell the other guy I’ve been talking to that I have a thing I’m cultivating. Like.. I don’t wanna ghost him, cuz that’s shitty and he’s not a shitty person, but I don’t know how to address it. He wants to meet this week… and I guess I still could. It’s not like we’re dating. I dunno… I hate shit like this.