It’s Not The Same

Know what’s irritating?
When people assume that I wanna lose weight to be healthy.
I got news for those people… thin and healthy aren’t the same thing.

If I wanted to be healthy, I’d start an exercise plan that was just a little more cardio than weight lifting. I’d also eat whole grains, fruits, veg, and never eat processed food again. I’d give up Coca-Cola, Monster, Coffee, and Tea so I could trade them all in for water. I’d throw away my scale at home and probably also my microwave and TV for good measure. I may or may not cut out all meat that isn’t white fish. That’s being healthy.

I don’t want to be healthy. I don’t wanna run a 5k. I don’t wanna be toned or strong or anything like that. I just want to be thin. I want to be the same piece of shit human being that I am, that watches anime on the sofa and refuses to leave the house except for work, but the thin version.

I know lots of thin people that aren’t healthy, without even mentioning the extremes of anorexia and bulimia. They can’t run. They get winded going up stairs. They eat McDonald’s a lot. I know lots of vegans and vegetarians that aren’t healthy or thin because they eat a lot of fried food. I know a number of healthy people that can outrun you, but aren’t thin.


This bothers me for a number of a reasons, but the biggest one is a dear friend of mine. Being naturally thin most of their lives, this person didn’t really know what to do when they reached a point in their lives where they gained weight. They were depressed. They were upset. They thought about giving up on life, because life was already really hard, and then there was the weight. I know that feel, but having been fat more or less my entire life, I couldn’t help but feel that they were being a BIT over-dramatic.

If you want to lose weight, and that’s your biggest goal, I can tell you which diet will fit your life style and give you the results you want. I really can. I know that sounds stupid, because I’m a great big fat person, but I’ve been on ALL THE DIETS and I know what works.

So this person, at one point, was happiest being really fit. They also don’t have great cooking skills, but don’t mind eating things that aren’t really a “meal” as much as it’s just food. They didn’t want to join a gym, but I knew that once they started seeing results they would be motivated to keep a routine up. So, I told them to try the 21 Day Fix by Beach Body.

If you don’t know, the 21 Day Fix is a great program. You get containers. You put stuff in those containers. That’s what you get to eat that day. You also do a 30 min workout each day in your living room. You WILL lose weight. It’s very simple to do. It’s a little pricey to start, because you have to buy the containers, eating plan, and workout video, but after that you’re good. Also, if you add Shakology to your meal plan, I hear it can increase your results. It’s an easy, effective plan for people that like feeling fit.

The down side to the 21 Day Fix, and the reason I don’t do it, is because I’m a lazy fuck that likes to cook. Now, you can totally take the ingredients in the containers and make them into meals, but it requires a lot of planning. Also, even if you’re making meals, at some point it’s gonna get repetitive. That can be good, because studies show that if you eat the same thing all the time your body starts to use it more efficiently than if you change food everyday… but I like variety. Also, I’m not a great self-motivator. You want me to workout for 30 mins a day? Unless you’re going to be there convincing me to do it… I’m prolly gonna let that DVD collect dust. I just don’t like to workout. I find it mindless and boring. Plus, I’m just a lazy fuck. I like to do things that let me lie down. Reading, TV, drawing… all activities I can do laying down.

Here’s the thing, though. I get that people feel superior to me because I’m a Fatty McFatFace, but when I am the one that told you about your wonderful new life style, you don’t get talk down to me. This friend does that more than they probably realize. I don’t think it’s on purpose, but it bothers the shit out of me. I have weird health problems, and I’m overweight, but those aren’t actually related. So snide comments about how great your health is because on Beach Body you eat so much veg and ingest the multivitamin comparable Shakology… that shit is unappreciated. It’s especially unappreciated since it’s not like I’m over here binge eating take out.

In recent weeks I’ve put forth more effort into losing weight than I’ve put out in a long long time. I’m on a caloric restriction. I’m eating well-rounded vegetable centric meals. I’ve all but kicked meat. I’m walking 8-10k steps a day, which is roughly 5 miles. I’ve done all the math, and I SHOULD be losing weight. Instead, I’m gaining weight, and I feel like shit every single day. My body hurts. I’m tired. My moods are off the charts. It’s shitty.

Why am I gaining weight? Fuck, I don’t know.
If you ask anyone that hasn’t been a career dieter, they will spout off that shit about your body going into “starvation mode.” Here’s the thing about starvation mode… It’s a luxury your body can only do, if you’re  eating enough that it CAN save calories.

So if you’re 135 lbs… your caloric expenditure just to live is roughly 1600. That’s getting up, going to a desk job, and doing nothing for exercise. So if you don’t exercise and you eat more than 1600 cals consistently, you’ll slowly gain weight. If you eat 2000 cals and run for like… 30-45 mins a day, you’ll prolly stay about the same weight. If you’re gaining weight and you notice you’re eating a 2000 calorie diet at 135 lbs and drop to the usually recommended 1600-1800 cals a day, you’re not gonna lose weight, and it’s not because of “starvation mode.” Your body WILL start a diet here by trying to run you the most efficiently, meaning it decreases metabolism and reduces your living caloric expenditure as best it can… and once it realizes that you’re not gonna starve to death it’ll kick back up and adjust to the small change. You can help this with a fluctuating caloric intake ranging from 1400-1800 cals a day, instead of an even keel 1600, because it assures your non-sentient systems that you’re not dying.

I used 135 lbs because it’s my white whale goal weight.
Because it’s my weight goal, I try to live at what I would live at if I ever achieved that goal. It’s not an approved diet method, but it makes sense that if I wanna be 135 lbs, I should just live like I am 135 lbs, and my body will have to follow suit.

So… I happen to be roughly 270 lbs at any given time, as of late (and yes, I hate myself for it). I use roughly 2650 cals just living. This means that on a regular 2000 cal diet, I should lose some weight even if I don’t get out of bed. I’m on a roughly 1200-1600 cal diet and I’ve upped my caloric expenditure by walking. Even if my walking is a CRAWL, I’m burning 3430 cals, roughly, a day, and taking in 1200-1600 cals a day. That’s a HUGE deficit. I SHOULD be losing. Even if all my cals were comprised of ice cream and lard from a tub, I should be losing. If my body were to shut down my systems to the bare minimum, I should still be losing SOME weight.

Click here for the site I use for weight loss expenditure.

So… why am I not gaining weight? I’m eating less, I’m exercising more. Is it water weight? It’s not muscle build. I have no idea. Why do I feel like shit? Am I really just so out of shape that leisurely walking is killing me? I don’t think so, but maybe… but at two weeks of this, I should start feeling better. I don’t. Am I just not up on my nutrition? I think I am. I even made a conscious effort to ingest more potassium, because I know it’s recommended for achy muscles.

If anyone has an idea, please let me know.

Seriously, though… if you have a fat friend… stop being a passive dickwad to them just because they don’t live like you. If it was so easy for everyone to be thin or healthy, we would be.

Also if you have a thin friend, and you’re NOT thin… don’t be a passive dickwad to them, either. It’s just as hard for some people to gain weight as it is for me to lose it. Thin people are unhappy, too. Don’t make comments about it.


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