I have a habit of saying that nothing ever changes in my life… and it’s mostly true. I mean, between now and 2006 I work for the same place, still have no significant other or kids, and live in the same place. The differences are that I have more pets and less of a social life… Sure, lots of things have happened between then and now… boyfriends, psychos at work, surgeries… but nothing you’d tell someone you haven’t seen in 10 years. No, from that perspective, nothing has happened in my life.
I have a complex about it. I mean, everyone has a career, or a husband, or kids, or moved somewhere interesting. I have…. dogs.
It’s not that my dreams were shattered and I never got out of this one-horse town because of __________. I just… never had a whole lot of dreams or aspirations. It’s not for a lack of my mom trying to instill them in me… I just never really wanted to do anything. I’m smart, but totally unmotivated. I think I’d be good at a lot of things, but I don’t WANT to do them enough to actually go out and go to medical school or something. The one thing I’d really like to do is move, but I just can’t right now. Plus, I just got the house kinda halfway how I like it, so it seems stupid to jump ship right when I’m getting things where I want them.
It just bothers me that I never had motivation or direction in life, I guess. Like, some people really want a partner and family, others go after their career, and lots want to do something with their lives but something like economic status ruins that. Meanwhile, I’m just over here like, “I still don’t know what to be when I grow up….”
It’s just kind of depressing… but I dunno how to magically summon motivation and goals….