Staycations

I haven’t been on a real vacation in a few years.

I think the last real vacation I went on was to see Davy in San Diego back when he was still in Law School. Unless you count that terrible trip to Las Vegas with that crazy girl… But I don’t count that, as I spent the whole time trying to decide if I was going to throw her over the balcony or sneak out in the middle of the night and catch a flight home. I don’t count that trip. I actively cringe at and try to forget that trip.

Anyways, last week I was on vacation. That means what it always means… I stay home and try to get some housework done. It isn’t like, a GOOD vacation, but at least I wasn’t at work, I guess. It was nice to wake up later than 6, but otherwise it wasn’t actually a great week.

The Sunday before staycation was Mother’s Day. I got Mothership the NES game Burger Time, and a Retron 5 to play it on… but the Retron 5 didn’t work… nor did the other two I got after that… so, I just got my money back and I’m now on the market for an NES… or maybe another kind of retro gaming system. I did make her breakfast, and we hung out Saturday and she hung out at my place on Sunday. It was uneventful but fine…

Monday I mowed three yards. It was hard and terrible, because they were getting a bit overgrown and not one of them is level. Tuesday I did nothing. I was just depressed, so I decided it was a sick day. Wednesday I did a little bit… but not much, and then went to meet this guy I know from Facebook for a drink in really real life. He’s nice, but only wants to be friends… and because his schedule is so dramatically different from mine (he goes to bed at 8pm) I will probably not see him in really real life again. Thursday I tried to work in the living room… boxed up DVDs and stuff to put in the crawlspace, because I’m not ready to part with them but they take up too much space. Friday I mowed my backyard… and I think I cut it too close… and if my whole lawn dies it’s totally on me… plus I discovered all the wasps living in the various boxes on my property. So… not great.

Friday I also skipped out on my friend’s 30th birthday party. I had the intention of going, but I thought about it really hard and couldn’t think of a good reason to go. Is she a nice person? Yes, totally. Have I known her a long time? Since high school.

The reason I skipped out is because I didn’t want to go and I didn’t think I’d be missed. I don’t like karaoke. She loves it, so that’s what she did for her party. I also don’t feel comfortable in a social setting. Either I say something that makes me realize that I don’t relate to people at all or no one really speaks to me and I end up drunk from drinking my drinks too fast, as a way to cope with being socially awkward and ignored. Drunk me also has a tendency to try and socialize even harder, only to end up saying something moronic or offensive, so this doesn’t help me at all.

There’s also this thing that bothers me about my friends… They don’t show up.
I haven’t had a birthday party since I was 21. My birthday is inconvenient, as it’s Halloween, but also I never have anyone to invite to a party. My friends don’t come to parties that I throw, and this was first illustrated to me when at my 21st birthday party so few of MY friends showed up that my live-in boyfriend had to invite a bunch of his friends to come over so that I wouldn’t be depressed. This concept was reaffirmed when I had a picnic… invited a bunch of people, and only one person besides my mom showed up. I have a blog post about that, but it’s too depressing to link.

It’s just a thing… I’ve decided to stop bending for people. I’m lonely, sure, because everyone I know is a terrible friend, except the one in Oregon… but she’s in Oregon…. so… whatever.

This feeling will pass…

Point is, it was a depressing staycation… I accomplished almost nothing important, and I have no social life.

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