I have a habit of not really doing things just for me. I dunno why, but I just never found myself that important… which is stupid, because I am the longest relationship I’m ever going to have, so I really should be nicer to myself. I tell people that sort of thing all the time… be nice to yourself, cultivate your relationship with yourself, value yourself… but like, I don’t really practice it.
I don’t know where that mindset came from. I’m sure it’s some accidental damage my mom did growing up. She HIGHLY undervalues herself. Like, at least I impulse spoil myself… like, “I super don’t need this Monster High doll…. and I’m 27… but I’m buying it anyways,” but Mom doesn’t do much of that. Everything she does seems to be somehow for my benefit… and I love her for that, but I don’t think it’s very healthy.
Still, I never really did things just for me.
I graduated high school because Mom wanted me to.
I graduated college because Mom wanted me to.
I’m constantly trying to lose weight because Mom is worried about my health.I try to remodel the house because it would make Mom feel better.
I have a job because it makes Mom feel like I’m succeeding in life.
Pretty much everything I do is because of Mom.
Don’t get me wrong. The dogs I got for me. The video games and other non-essential purchases I got for me. They’re all impulse buys, though. Like, I don’t plan things for me.
So, I’m trying to plan really real things for me that I really want. I started, with this hair.
It’s still weird to be so blonde, but I’m super stoked about it and really happy.
Still can’t believe my boss let me put blue and purple in my hair. ^_^
Other things I’m planning just for me: ?????????
I mean, like… what else is there?
Going back to college? A, I don’t have the money, and 2, I dunno what I’d go back for.
Losing weight? Tbh, don’t care that much, but trying for Mom already so whatever.
New Job? I dunno where I’d go or what I’d do… So… no.
I’m not great at this yet, obviously, but I’m gonna try to plan more things… I don’t know WHAT things… but things. Open to suggestions.
Anyways… YAY HAIR!