A Rant: New Zealand Woman Dies After Bad Tinder Date

So here’s an article that I stumbled across today.

To sum up the story, they had a good date, they hooked up, and then they started to argue. The girl started hitting the guy, at which point he told her leave and she started hurling decorative rocks at him. He did not retaliate, but locked her out on his balcony and then left the apartment. In some kind of panic, the girl tried to climb down from the balcony, against the advice of a witness who yelled up to her, and plunged 14 stories to her death. Upon returning to his apartment which was surrounded by police and firemen, the guy called his dad and told him he thought the girl might have jumped off, at which point the dad came to pick him up.

This article makes me angry, because it spins this story to try and make you feel like the guy is guilty. It’s everything that’s wrong with domestic abuse cases and why men tend to be scared to even argue with women. You can’t blame him just because he’s the guy and she ended up dead. According to the facts in the article… which is what I’m basing this rant off of… it’s unfortunate, but it’s not his fault.

They start arguing, though the article doesn’t say about what, and she starts to hit him. If the gender roles were flipped, who is at fault for everything else that is about to happen? The aggressor is the same regardless of gender. No matter what the argument was about, she shouldn’t have hit him. Plain and simple.

After she starts hitting him, he tells her to leave. That’s exactly what people teach boys to do if confronted with a violent woman. Get out of the situation. She refused. Not only did she refuse, but she reacted by hucking random things around the apartment at him. If a man were to hurl a decorative geode at a woman during an argument… that’s domestic violence. That’s textbook domestic violence.

So what are men taught to do at this point? Escape the situation.
How does one escape someone that won’t leave? As best they can.

So yes, he locked her on the balcony. Was it the best option? Maybe not, but it’s what happened. It was non-lethal. It was non-violent. Don’t hear me wrong: he should NOT have left the apartment to get pizza. He should have called the police about a domestic violence dispute and waited for them to come and escort her off the premises. Still, he didn’t do anything unreasonable in the act of locking her out there.

Men are taught to get away from domestic arguments and settle down. They are taught they are a snap away from being an abuser… and they are, but so are women. Women get away with beating the shit out of men all the time. People think it’s funny. People think that if a man gets beaten by a woman he somehow deserved it. One of my favorite comedians, Christopher Titus, was in a very violent relationship with a woman that beat his ass, and while he worked it into his standup routine years ago, his message was that THIS HAPPENS TO MEN. It does. It happens everyday and men are supposed to suck it up. Meanwhile, a man loses his cool for a split second and whaps a chick and he’s an abuser and he should go to jail? No.

Mistakes happen. Shit happens. Humans are violent creatures. Domestic violence is hard, because it always comes down to he-said/she-said. The best thing men can do is get their ass kicked so that when they’re in a court they can say, “she beat me senseless and I never laid a hand on her.” That’s not right. Women are taught to fight back. Break his jaw. Do what you have to.  I get that things have changed from no one talking about men beating their wives to women finally being believed, but that doesn’t make a woman a saint. Women can lie. Women can abuse. Equality, people, means that women can be the villain.

So this girl, who has exhibited all the signs of being a complete psycho and a domestic aggressor, is locked on a patio. She could scream. She could throw things down. She can attract all kinds of attention, get someone to call the police and they could bust in the door and rescue her if she’s really and truly that scared. Instead, she tries to climb to the balcony below her and falls 14 stories to her death. A witness actually tried to convince her NOT to do this and that’s what she does. The guy wasn’t even home and she had no reason to believe he’d hurt her upon returning, as he had not been aggressive up to that point.

Coming back to your apartment to find that the psycho you just had sex with has fallen or leapt to her death has to be terrifying. I know my first reaction would be panic. I’d call my mom. I don’t find him being terrified to be uncharacteristic. I don’t find it incriminating.

It’s unfortunate. It’s very sad. It’s going to ruin this man’s life either way it pans out, and she is left without a life at all. Still, given the facts of this article, it’s not his fault she fell. He did was he was taught to do. Should he have left? No, but that doesn’t make this his fault.


One thought on “A Rant: New Zealand Woman Dies After Bad Tinder Date

  1. I agree… He shouldn’t have left but at the same time I’m sorry for her family but I wouldn’t care how upset I was. There’s no way I’m climbing over a 13 story balcony…

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