I’m not okay, but it’s not like it matters

Things are… hard… right now.

Mom still has pneumonia (since March) and she isn’t getting better, but insists on going to work anyways. My title gal is out on emergency surgery, so I’m covering for her, which means double duty at work, and doing a job that stresses me out anyways (titles means talking to a lot of people, and we know I hate having to talk to people). I’m sick with… something that makes my chest heavy and causes extreme fatigue. My moods are all over the place, we’re coming up on month end, I’ve made NO progress at getting my house ready to sell so I can focus on moving, and I’m losing summer….

Everything is awful and hard, and I can’t stick to my diet, and all I want to do is sleep, and my friend that SHOULD understand what I’m going through right now is too busy being selfish and wrapped up in his own life and it’s tiny social bullshit to actually listen to me. Meanwhile I have a friend that keep telling me I’d feel better if I worked out, which makes me wanna punch him in his stupid face, because if I had the energy to work out I fucking would. My other friend is really sweet but not really someone I’d ever want to talk about this shit with.

I just… Want to shut down.

I’m so tired, and I’m overwhelmed, and I’m sick….

My boss asked if I wanted to stay home today, but I can’t do that because month end is coming, and I need to be far enough ahead on titles to be able to stop doing titles for month end…. and I’m not there.

Today she was like, are you okay?

And the answer is no… but it doesn’t matter if I’m okay. The world doesn’t really care. I have shit to do and responsibilities. No one REALLY cares if you’re okay except your mother (if you’re lucky). Everyone else just wants to be sure you’re able to work, otherwise you can be replaced.

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