Easter was last Sunday.
Mothership and I were tired Saturday, so we didn’t do much, but Sunday morning I got up, gave her flowers, and made her breakfast. We didn’t do a lot with the day, but we spent time together, away from work, and I made her a good lunch of pork ribs, spinach, and asparagus. It was a nice day.
Monday morning, she called to tell me she couldn’t got into work, though. Mothership was incredibly dizzy and throwing up. By the time I finished getting dressed and went over to check on her before I went to work, she’d googled enough to think she had vertigo. She was also stuck on the bathroom floor. Whenever she tried to move she’d get sick again. I got her to a sofa and scheduled a call with a nurse for her later in the day, to determine if we could ride this out or go to the hospital.
By the time I got home she’d SOMEHOW made it upstairs. The nurse said she needed to go to urgent care, but either didn’t specify why or mom forgot in her blur of vomiting. She’d taken a bath but was stuck in bed. I tried to wait for her to reach a point where we could get downstairs, but it never really came. I ended up calling the nurse back to assess what she’d said, and when I told my mother that the nurse thought it might be hypertension or a stroke, she pulled herself up and got downstairs. She then threw up more… which is to say she wretched. She’d emptied her stomach long before that.
I got her in the car, and she was weirdly fine for the car ride. I laid her in the backseat and that seemed to work for her. Getting her into the urgent care was hard. I had to wheel her in, which she hated. Also, it was down a floor, so we had to take the elevator, which she had to be sick first for. Then we finally got downstairs and they got her to a room. Once they gave her IV fluids and something for the nausea she was a little better. They also put her on oxygen because her oxygen saturation was in the low 80s.
Christine came down, because without Rick around she’s taken to worrying about mom. That’s nice. It’s like having an aunt that cares.
We ended up just waiting for a long time. They did an EKG (cardiac event), chest x-ray (pneumonia), and CAT scan (stroke). Her blood pressure was fine. Her EKG was fine. The CAT scan was fine. The chest x-ray showed signs of pneumonia. They determined that she needed antibiotics and couldn’t be taken off oxygen, so we ended up waiting for them to get a bed at the hospital nearby, and for an ambulance to come take her, even though it’s a less than 5 minute drive.
Mothership was in the hospital for days.
While she was in the hospital, I was trying to close the month.
Over the years, we’ve made it a rule to not get sick at month end… she even conditioned her family to die when it wasn’t month end. Month end is how we judge our life calendars. Month end is sacred. Also, the first was the day mom entered the hospital.
I was hoping mothership was going to be in and out real quick. She was not.
While we’d often talked about me learning how to close the month, compile a statement, and pay the managers, we’ve not had time for me to actually learn it. So, I started by doing everything I knew how to do. We have a full office, but not everyone knows their job for month end. It became a lot of me redoing things just because it was faster than asking these girls to do them again.
I managed to push down the sadness, the worry, and the general bad feelings I had about the week. I did less well with pushing down the irritation I usually bottle up. I was very on edge all week. I visited mothership in the hospital everyday at lunch, which sucked because parking is a nightmare and I’d park really far away, hike all the way up the ward they had her one, then back, on a lunch break… I also swung by at night, and then spent my drive home agonizing about leaving her there.
At work, I just focused on what had to be done and little else. I blocked out the office and tried not to worry about or hate them for not understanding what kind of hell I was living in. When she was feeling a little better, mothership wrote down things she knew I needed to do to pull the statement together, and that was helpful. Christine, who is a retired controller, also came and was a big support and a big help to me. She’s a great teacher, but she managed to get herself all twisted in just two days of helping me.
Thursday mothership came home. It was a long day. I’d been trying to figure manager commissions all day, with the help of Christine, and I was fried. Then I had to go bring mothership home. She’s still on oxygen so they send her home with a tank. It was a trick to fit it in the car. Then we went to the pharmacy, where she waited in the car. Her PCP cancelled the antibiotic that the hospital doctor ordered for some reason. I hope it was a mistake. The hospital doctor had to be called and she put the order through again, but that took a while. Then we had to go home and call the oxygen people, because the tank she got sent home with was only good for five hours. They didn’t show up till around 10, and with an incomplete order.
To her credit, my mother came home that night, went to bed, then got up and finished manager commissions for me. She could see how stressed I was, I guess. She insisted, and she checked everything. I went to work that morning and just had to wrap shit up. It was still stressful, and I hated leaving her at home, but it was done. I managed to get the statement out and everything.
I also saw a shrink Friday.
Last time I saw a shrink it went poorly… Geodon is evil and sedative. So I saw a new shrink, because the sadness is eating me alive. She asked me a lot of questions, and I told her I didn’t think I was bipolar. To her credit, she listened to me, asked a lot more questions, and came out of it with, “you have a mood disorder, but I wouldn’t really call it bipolar.”
What does that mean?
Well, it means that I might be bipolar, but I’m on the functional side. I’m definitely depressed, and I still seem to exhibit mood swings, but since my mood swings aren’t MY top concern, they’re not her top concern, either. I like that. So, she’s decided to treat my depression with Effexor and Gabapentin, and actually said I might have an attention deficit problem. We have to fix the depression before I can be tested for that, though.
I took the Gabapentin last night, as directed, and slept good. I don’t know if that’s because of the Gabapentin or because I’m completely exhausted, but this morning I woke up at 7, let the dogs, out, took the Effexor, and tried to go back to sleep. I wasn’t successful. I felt okay, though, so I picked up and went hunting for Banjo Kazooie.
I didn’t find the game, but I ordered it from Amazon… and that’s fine. I also went to a book store. Only bought one book.
I’m tired now… doc said I might be tired and my tummy might get upset the first couple of days… so it’s expected. I hope I can start to feel better. I’d love to feel better.