I’m Going To Hell : Reason #752618452QHL

I really think 2017 is going to be my year, guys.
Why?

  • One of my friends is in a stale relationship with a person in another state that they refuses to actually care about because out of state person has hurt my friend before, and out of state person is a super flake that is always a second from never seeing my friend again due to crippling depression
  • One of my friends had a significant other of over 5 years pack up all their shit and leave on Christmas Day… also, the ex is moving to Texas, where all of my friend’s other exes happen to live… my friend is literally a George Strait country song
  • My ex best friend, who totally cut me off because their significant other (turned spouse) didn’t like me, had lost a whole lot of weight on a very strict diet and exercise routine the significant other put her on… and while cyber stalking the ex-bestie I discovered that they have gained ALL their weight back… and that weight brought friends… lots of friends
  • One of my friends has been in so many short-lived, shot relationships that they’ve entered the phase where they are just horrifically bitter about literally EVERYTHING having to do with the opposite sex
  • One of my best friends pretty much doesn’t seem to care if I’m alive or dead
  • The person I see the most is so busy being caught up in trying to escape from their mental illness through escapism, that they can’t comprehend how much Mary Jane they’re smoking, so they are circling the metaphorical drain of anything resembling sobriety and I’ll have to figure out how to get away from them soon
  • One of my best friends is getting married to the person they’ve been with for like eight years

Aside from the wedding, none of these are good, obviously.

Here’s the thing, though… I tend to float when everyone around me drowns.
I don’t know why, but it’s a thing that’s been a pretty good constant in my life.

Of course, I want to see the people around me doing well. I want them to be happy, healthy, and all around prosperous. I want them to be happy single or in a good relationship. I want them to be happy with their bodies or on a road to betterment. I want them to do well in their careers or not be afraid to try a new path in life. I want nothing but good things for my friends, really.

Still, it’s a documented record of correlation that when everyone around me is dropping out of the sky, crashing and burning, with no hope for pulling themselves out of a tail spin… The sky becomes my new limit in life. So, with everyone else’s lives falling apart in a very sitcom cliche kind of way, I feel like everything for me has to get better.

Maybe this year I’ll really get into the gym again, and get down to that round 200 lb goal I have. Maybe this year I’ll find someone that I really want to spend time with and we’ll flourish into something substantial. Maybe this year I’ll manage to get my graphic design business off the ground and be able to quit my job and work from home. Maybe this year I’ll get to buy a new house that isn’t falling apart. Maybe this will really be my year!

I don’t really know, but to be honest the more friends I have whose lives crumble into little itty bitty pieces of destruction, the brighter my outlook on 2017 becomes.

I know that’s shitty.

Here’s the thing, though. Even if I weren’t taking all of this as a good omen for myself, I’m still not broken up about any of this.

  • If my friend doesn’t want to put commitment into a relationship, they can’t expect to get that back from someone… especially someone with crippling depression
  • My friend spent the first year of their relationship trying to scare the (now) ex off… it took time, but the refusal to let their ex behind their wall of defense was bound to have repercussions eventually
  • When you have a baby, your body changes… my ex best friend came from large people… being large was inevitable without really close care
  • When someone sets themselves up with shitty people, constantly, it’s going to jade them… my friend just scarred their own heart by insisting on dating trashy people
  • People move away… they forget who mattered to them before
  • Mental Illness is a helluva thing, and if you don’t take the care seriously it can turn on you… yeah, pot doesn’t cause interactions with medications, but escapism is still escapism… and it’s still a problem
  • Weddings are not sad events…. this is the only legitimately good omen I have… and I’m real happy for both of them

I can’t say for sure that my life is going to get better because my friends’ lives are in shambles… I wouldn’t WANT that to be a definite thing. I’m just saying that I think I’m going to have a good 2017… and after this shit show that we called 2016, that’s not REALLY saying that much.

2016: The Dumpster Fire Of A Year In Which Everyone Died

Carrie Fisher died today.
Princess Leia is gone.

Here’s a list of people that died this year that had an impact on my life.

  • David Bowie
  • Alan Rickman
  • Mohammed Ali
  • Zha Zha Gabor
  • George Michael
  • Prince
  • Florence Henderson
  • Gene Wilder
  • Merle Haggard
  • John Glenn
  • Anton Yelchin
  • Leonard Cohen
  • Kenny Baker (R2D2)
  • Harper Lee
  • Ron Glass
  • Gloria DeHaven
  • Doris Roberts
  • Abe Vigoda
  • Alan Thicke
  • and of course, Carrie Fisher

This is but a fraction of the celebrity deaths this year, each one adding a little more sadness to the year.

Emotionally, it’s been a hard year.
We have four days left, and to be honest, I’m just hoping that no one else dies.

#Fuck2016

So I Started A Podcast… also… election.

I did. I did that. On a whim. While very wasted with my good friend, David Spencer.

It’s a pretty terrible first podcast. We start out fairly strong, talking about American Horror Story, and as the drunk goes on, we derail… a lot. So much derailing. I fully intend for the subsequent podcasts to be better, have more structure, and more interesting. I’ve already decided that David and I should do this every Friday when we hang out… and I’ve wrangled another good friend into it, as well. So… that should be… fascinating…

In other news, tomorrow is voting day. I already voted.
I’m not going to tell you who I voted for, or tell you why either side is better or worse. This election can be boiled down to the new phones on the market in 2016… The new iPhone doesn’t have a headphone jack, and the Samsung Note 7 literally explodes. Then there’s all the other candidates that no one really knows that much about, but you always have like one friend that is super dedicated to his Nokia. You’ve considered the Nokia, but like you don’t really WANT the Nokia, even if it might have all the features you look for. The OS is just a little wonky, and the buttons are all in the wrong places, and it’s just exhausting to think of trying to change, now.

Anyways, if you’re reading this, I encourage you to vote.
Are all your choices terrible?
Yes, but you know you could prolly live with one over the others.
Is the electoral college super flawed and not indicative of the popular vote?
Often, but to enact a change to that we need the number to prove that the college is not reflecting the wants of the people, so we still need you to vote.

Do I want you to go out and vote exactly like me?
Sure, that would be totally nice, but I’m not going to tell you how to vote. Vote for who you want. Vote for where your loyalties lie, no matter what those are or how you came about them. If you’re a party voter, vote party. If you’re an informed voter, make a choice. Just vote.

Americans take voting for granted. It’s a thing we do. We’d rather vote for fun things, but life isn’t all fun and voting people out of the house, off the island, or into the finals. People are dying for the right to vote. People died in America for that right. Men and women of all characteristics and creeds have suffered so you can put your two cents in. Maybe it feels futile, but that means we need change…. and a very skinny man once said…

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

-Mahatma Gandhi

 

Hellbent on a Better Year

NYE Mothership and I went to see The Hateful Eight. It was good. I don’t think it was what Mothership was expecting, and it wasn’t my favorite Quentin Tarintino movie, but it was good. I liked it.
#BloodyMess

When we got home I was a tad depressed that I didn’t have anywhere to go for NYE. I really didn’t wanna try to fight my way downtown, and all my friends were at this crap-ass dive bar they live at for karaoke. I don’t like karaoke and I don’t like the general population of people that attend that bar. It’s just not my scene. I decided not to dwell on it, though. Next year I’ll make better plans and do something. It’s already been decided.

Instead, I watched Pirates of the Caribbean and sketched till I got sleepy.

This year I’m going to try and sketch daily. My assignment, as decided by taking suggestions and picking my favorite, is to do something with a circle every day. It was Billie’s idea! She’s a genius that one. I can do a lot with a circle a day, and it makes the days when I’m not feeling creative easier. Last night I made it a porthole and sketched a pirate ship in it. It’s not very good, but I think I’ll do it with colored pencils tonight. I like the concept, but I’m not actually very good with black and white drawings. I’m significantly better with a color medium… Lol.
Maybe I can sell some work this year.

Also, I’m going to try and stay off Facebook for a while. I’m not actually sure that social media is good for you… I’ll only be logging in to check events. If I really wanna post something, I still have Google Plus or Tumblr… I should prolly not be on Tumblr so much, tbh… but baby steps. Lol. I love Tumblr. I’m gonna stop being on it at work, though. It’s not conducive to getting my work done.

After reflecting on everything I did NOT like about 2015, I’m trying really hard to do positive things. It’s hard for me. I’m not positive. So I’m starting small. Today at work I’m listening to some of my favorite electro-pop (Carley Rae Jepsen’s Emotion album) and enjoying wearing jeans to work.

Today I start being vegan for a month. I always forget how hard that is… they put eggs in fucking everything. I tried to buy a bag of cookies this morning… eggs. Protein bar? Eggs. Eggs fucking everywhere. Lol. Hopefully when we order lunch today I can find something acceptable from wherever we go. Fingers crossed.

And… I dunno what else. I should really get to work, though. I’ve killed an hour on the internet writing this and deleting everything off my FB. Lol.

Here’s to having a good year. If it kills me, I’m going to be happy this year, god damn it.

2016 Intentions

I’m not doing resolutions this year, but I have some things I’m going to do in 2016… they’re intentions. I might manage them, I might not.
So, in no particular order….

  • Veganuary
    • It’s good for your cholesterol
  • Take up hiking
    • Still not excited about it… still gonna do it
  • Morning affirmations
    • I have always thoughts that talking to yourself in a mirror is stupid, but I’m gonna try it anyways
      • It’s not like it can hurt, right?
  • Weight management
    • Maybe not loss… I mean, that’s the end-goal, but I’m just gonna try to eat well and not GAIN weight
    • Veganuary is gonna be full of carbs!!!
  • Sell some art
    • Just suck it up and try
  • Draw the same thing everyday
    • I took submissions for the subject matter for this project, and I think the winner was a circle
      • So I draw a circle and then either draw something in or around it, or turn it into a face or pokemon or an eye, etc.
  • Do shit just because it makes me happy
    • Somehow I lost track of the me that went out and did whatever I liked doing, even if there was no one to do it with me

So that’s the list.

In unrelated news, I’ve been talking to a seemingly nice guy. He really made my whole evening last night when we were talking about hiking. I mentioned that I wanted to start hiking, but how I can’t be in direct sunlight, and he suggested that I just wear a long sleeve cotton shirt and get a big hat… and I, being me, went, “Like an Audrey Hepburn hat?” And he goes, “YEAH! I think you could really pull that off, too!

So… picture me hiking like…

12440559_1663006933971770_4107806386683194745_o

It might really real go down that way… Lol.