OREGON IS SO GREEN

 

I spent the last week in Oregon!!!  And oh my gawd, it is SO GREEN!!!

Snapchat-198430322.jpgMonday morning I flew out to Portland to spend a week with my best friend Billie. She moved there about a year and a half ago, and I finally had money to visit. PDX was confusing… they have a lack of proper signage, but it’s still a pretty nice airport.

Since Billie lives about an hour south, in Salem, we spent the afternoon in downtown Portland. It was weird, because downtown Portland looks a lot like Downtown Denver… just smaller. We had lunch at a food truck (yay Gyros!) and then grabbed some Fraps at Starbucks before heading out to Salem.

When we got back to her place, her hubby was waiting for Injustice 2 to activate! They got it specifically because I was coming out. That was super nice. Billie made gumbo and we lost incredibly to her super skilled husband.

Snapchat-1847588434.jpgTuesday, we went into downtown Salem. It’s not much of a downtown, to be honest. It’s six blocks and most of it is mall, but we ate at Coin Jam and played House of the Dead! It’s like a less busy 1UP. I really liked it. After that, we went to Book Bin where I picked up a book on Einstein disproving the existence of Vulcan (cuz I’m a goddamn nerd) and a Twin Peaks novel for mom and I. It was great. I love me a good book store.

Wednesday we had lunch at a small brewery called McMenamins. It was cute. I taught Billie how to sample flights of beer. Then we strolled around downtown Salem and she showed me a store that flaunts a spooky ass haunted doll, amongst other weird antique kinda things.

snapchat-1618068878.jpg After that, we went to Starbucks, so I could pee, and I looked at the menu and ordered a “Hand-Shaken Iced Tea.” The clerk just looked at me and was like, “what… flavor?” So I glanced at the board, and they had black, green, white, and I think red tea. I assumed that was my bad and asked for black, cuz I love me some black tea. He was like, “That is the vaguest order I’ve ever heard.” So… attempting to remain calm, cuz I still really needed to use the bathroom, I was like, “Okay, but it’s on the menu above your head?” And he literally turned around, stared at the menu and was like, “oh my god it is… no one has ever ordered that…”

So, I confused the barista by ordering a basic iced tea… so that was a weird adventure I’ll never forget…

Thursday was my FAVORITE DAY.

20170518_142405_061.jpgBillie drove me to Newport. Now, you have to understand that Newport is NOT close to Salem. Also, she intentionally took some back roads to make it really fucking scenic. So, we were in a car for two hours. I played DJ, because I had music saved to my phone and she didn’t. Fortunately, the thing Billie and I like about each other the most is that we are VERY malleable in the preference department. So, she had fun listening to all my weird synth electronica and metal covers of 80s songs.

We drove through Dallas, OR, which was surprisingly cute. It has farms, and then just some random suburban looking homes. It also has a small business area with like, little local businesses, grocery store, and I think they had a Walmart. I couldn’t help but think how much it looked like a small southern town, and how much mom would love it.

Mom really misses seeing nothing. As Denver, and Colorado in general, grows, we tend to lose the nothing. It’s like the opposite of The Neverending Story.

She picked Newport because 20170518_114716_055.jpgthey have an aquarium, and that aquarium has a Giant Red Octopus, and I love octopuses… Especially giant red ones that are located in small coastal towns.

So we wandered around the aquarium. They had this ridiculous eel that was totally a ham for the camera. He was enormous! And I totally wanted to pet him… but they don’t let you do that.

We also played with the petting pool… and I felt bad about that, because of that scene in Finding Dory where they all scream and hide, but it was just sea cucumbers, sea anemones, and starfish. Sorry. Sea stars… the lady in charge made it REALLY clear that they are not at all fish and that we are in charge of being sure the younger generations do no refer to them improperly.

20170518_105446.jpgWe got hugged by the anemones. We pet the sea cucumbers. We pet coral sea stars, leather sea stars, and… something else that felt more like leather than the leather stars. The leather stars felt slimy and gross…

After the aquarium we had lunch at a little brewery that was right on the coast. Like, it’s so much on the coast that there were fishermen in rubber coveralls having lunch there, and cleaning fish out back. Oddly, they did not serve seafood. I guess when you live on the coast it’s nice to have pulled pork and burgers, since you deal with fish every single day. We both got flights of beer, and chatted, and it was really nice. We thought of doing a tour, but didn’t. Instead, we hit the beach.20170518_141510.jpg

Here is a picture of me running toward the beach… I was REAL excited. It was a nice overcast day, and the whole week was in the 50s and 60s, but I was still hecka excited to be at a beach and smell salt water, and see dogs running in the surf!

We went to Nye Beach, and it was hella fucking cute! It reminds me of home, back in Pensacola, but with less weird hick locals… Billie insists Oregon has hicks, but I didn’t see any. The houses were adorable, everything was hecka green right up to the cliffs, and the sound of the waves was everything.

20170518_142405_061.jpgI’ve never been to a Northwestern Beach before, and it was interesting, because I’m used to dunes. Pensacola has a protected dune habitat that I grew up walking. It’s squishy and makes your legs tired, but is great for that classic beach aesthetic. Northwestern Beaches are dramatically different. For one, there’s the cliffs. Ain’t got cliffs in Pensacola. Also, the sand is hard, hard as concrete under your feet. It was weird! But the beach was nice. We checked out some tide pools and sat on a log to watch the waves for a while. It was a great way to end the day and prep for the long drive back. We decided to head back to the apartment a little early so we could rest up before going to a movie.

That evening she and her hubster took me to Cinebar, which was really nice for little Salem. It’s just a movie theater that serves really real food items… we didn’t eat there, though. We saw Alien Covenant! And it was great. I mean, it’s not the first or second movies, but it was a great sequel to Prometheus, if you ask me… and this is my blog, so you kinda did… 20170518_181346.jpg

There were some other storylines that went on while I was visiting. A, I managed to art! Billie let me use her colored pencils, and for the first time in months I managed to produce some good pieces. They’re just little illustrations, but they’re good, and making them made me feel good. Here is one of them. I really like the expression on this one.

20170515_072906.jpg2, I read a book. I brought a couple of books with me, because I assumed I’d be awake before everyone (I was correct) and I needed something to do on the plane rides. I managed to kill Fahrenheit 451 pretty early in the week, and I started The Never-ending Story before I left. I got some Snapchat-282850064.jpggood reading in, and I felt really good about it, because I haven’t been great at reading consistently. It takes a lot more concentration power than I’ve been able to manage most of the time. While I was bummed that my flight to Denver was delayed 40 minutes, it did give me more time to put into reading. So I guess that wasn’t too bad.

D, I was on a mission for Billie’s cats to love me. Billie’s had Galaxy for years, but Galaxy is a very small, declawed, black cat that hates people. At least, that’s who she used to be. While I was visiting, it was amazing! She was out and yelled at people to pet her… It took a couple of days, but she warmed up to me pretty good. The real Everest was Tara. She’s new, and she’s weird. She’s real skittish, and doesn’t even really like Billie or Aaron that much. I pretty much stalked that cat the whole time I was there, because I wanted her to love me. When she kept clawing the carpet, I volunteered to hold her while Billie clipped her nails. Then I held her while she made sad cat noises… Lol. She didn’t really LIKE that, but afterwards, she didn’t really run from me anymore. I wouldn’t say we bonded, but Thursday she let me pet her on the head for a good long while. So… it was pretty successful… Lol.

I’m not looking forward to going back to work. While I was gone, things just got…worse. I’m so tired of my job and the ridiculous people there who can’t follow procedures, or think for themselves. There’s some borderline shifty shit happening, that I will refrain from explaining for possible legal reasons. But… I put in some resumes for some Oregon dealerships. I would love to move to Newport. I even found a super cute home that I think Mom and I could live mostly comfortably in (can’t leave her here). My resume went to a lot of places not in Newport, though. I gotta find a job first. I can catch up on housing after I maybe secure income… But I want out. Out of my job. Out of Denver. Out of Colorado. I want something new, something different. Billie being a couple hours drive away is a real motivation to move, too. I miss her so hard, and she hasn’t made any friends yet…

So… that’s where I’m at. I’m in love with the idea of leaving. I miss Billie already. But I had a really good time.

Also, I’m starting a diet tomorrow. It’s the 21 Day Fix. I wanted it to be pretty easy. I won’t be doing the home workouts, but I figure I can walk in the evening… that’s a good start, cuz I am SO FAT.

But yeah… PICTURE OF AWESOME FRIENDSHIP!

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One Week

One week from today I’ll be with my Billie in Oregon.
I’m very excited about it. I’ve missed her so much.

Billie and I met by happenstance. Her boyfriend had posted a Craigslist ad for someone to hang out and watch horror movies with. Billie was a lot more interesting than her boyfriend. It cracked me up, because when they split Billie didn’t want to tell me they broke up; I dunno why. When push came to shove, though… I helped Billie move out and she got me in the breakup. Lol.

I couldn’t have known how much I’d like Billie. She was just so… HER… all the time. Whether she was a goth or a hippy, she was overwhelmingly her, and I loved that. I’m not sure I’ve ever just been me, so I guess that’s why it’s such an admirable quality.

When she moved away with her new boyfriend, I wrote her everyday until she broke up with him and came back to live in my basement for a while. Her boyfriend sold everything he owned in an “I Love Billie” yard sale, and hopped a flight to come back for her. It was super cute. They lived with me for a bit, but then got their own place, and eventually her job took her away from me again, this time to Oregon.

It’s been sad not having her around, because no matter what I want to do, Billie would do it with me. Band she’s never heard of? Let’s go. Alt punk fashion show? Totes in. Video games and pizza? No hesitation. Billie is just that kind of person…

BUT I GET TO SEE HER NEXT MONDAY!!!!!!!

So… yay countdown.

Apparently I’m Gonna Write A Book? (Maybe…)

So, a wonderful, beautiful thing happened last night. I went to see Eddie Izzard at the Paramount, and rekindled my deep seeded crush on him. Not only did I laugh to the point I was crying, but it was just nice to feel something relatively normal. My last entry, if you missed it, was about how uncomfortable it is to not feel attraction towards people. It is, and I hate it, and I find myself hating me because I feel so broken (It’s a good entry… go read it), and I don’t like hating me: me is awesome. So it was a really magical kind of moment to see Eddie Izzard get up on stage and feel my heart flutter with the distant memory of what a crush feels like. I was almost giddy with it.

FAQ:
Did you feel sexual attraction toward Eddie?
I don’t think so, but I felt romantic attraction, as well as platonic. Maybe even a little sensual attraction… Like, I would cuddle with Eddie Izzard if he brought me hot tea and then told me stories.
Does this crush change anything about you? No. I’m still Aro. I’m still Ace. I just caught a glimpse of a crush and it’s better than heroin***.
(***Author has never tried heroin… but assumes it is fantastic in a life-ruining kind of way)

Do you think this will trigger you to have crushes on other people in really real life? I’m not counting on it. I mean, to find a witty, intelligent, attractive, British transvestite comedian in Denver is a pretty lofty goal. Finding someone that’s any of those characteristics is hard, really.

I know that to most people, aro or otherwise, it will seem really childish to be so excited about having a crush. To those people I say, “I’m glad you’re so comfortable with yourself, and I hope to be like you one day.” For me, though, this isn’t just feeling a crush. It’s like gaining sensation back into a dead limb. It’s a moment of normalcy in a world where nothing about how I relate to people is normal. I’m distant, cold, rarely attracted to no one in any kind of capacity, and prefer the company of my dogs to most people. But last night I was normal. I was just a fangirl, sitting in a theater, swooning like an idiot over a person that made me turn to glitter. If you can’t understand what a relief and a beautiful thing that was for me… I dunno. I envy you, I guess.

In the wake of my my moment, I got an idea. I’ve decided to TRY to write a book. It’s a novel. It’s about an asexual aromantic, and what that’s like. Will she end up finding out that she was never aromantic or asexual and that she just needed to find the right person to show that to her? FUCK NO. I hate when books end like that. Will she end up in a QPR? Maybe. I haven’t thought that far. I really want to write it, though.

My goal with the book is to highlight what I’ve felt in my adventures, thus far, being aromantic and asexual. The ups, the downs, the failed attempts at dating and relationships. I’m going to make the main character less hermity than myself, though. Like yeah, she’s AroAce like me, but she’ll have closer friends and be a little more human and a little less cyborg. Lol. There’s going to be fighting, self-doubt, pain, self hatred, loneliness, confusion… I want it all in there. I want the narrative to make you feel things, beautiful and wretched… and I want people to realize that being Aro or Ace, or both, doesn’t mean you don’t feel those things.

So… I’ve already started on the first entry for that. If you’re interested in it, the new blog for it will be here. I should have the first entry up sometime this evening, I think. The entries will prolly jump around… I have never been good at writing in a linear pattern… more like a stream of consciousness… and then I’ll have to reorganize later… but there it is if you’re interested.

Other Random Stuff:
My car is broken… drive shaft is coming apart… shop is gonna fix it… Mothership is gonna help me pay for it… I hate that I have to ask for help… UGH… I get to go see JULY TALK tomorrow with Billie. That’s exciting because A, I love July Talk, 2, I love Billie, and D, I found someone to go to that show with me.
Been playing a lot of Final Fantasy X on PS2… avoiding real social interaction…

And yeah. I guess that’s all for now. ^_^