Doing… good… weirdly enough.

So I had to stop taking the Procardia. I went in for a blood pressure check, and while it was down, it wasn’t down enough, so the doctor doubled my dose. I thought I was gonna die. My body aches and joint pain got SOOO bad. It was crazy. I knocked it down to the previous dose and she added a diuretic, but the body aches and joint pain, while less, were still constant. It was so bad one night that I had to take a Tylenol 3 just to get some sleep.

So, now I’m on Normodyne twice a day. Just started it, but this morning I feel legit better. Like, my body doesn’t hurt. I never thought that would be such a great feeling, but it really is. Just discovered a fun side effect: my scalp is tingly! It’s not an unpleasant feeling either. Lol. I could deal with this.

With the blood pressure medication, I’m also supposed to be cutting back salt. That’s hard, cuz I’m really into salt. I don’t have a sweet tooth; I have a salt tooth. If you offer cake or pasta, I’m going with the pasta… So, I’ve been trying not to ingest too much salt. I made a low sodium pork tenderloin this weekend with wild rice and squash. It was actually pretty good. I’m craving pepperoni at all times, though. Lol. Which is weird, because I don’t usually eat much pepperoni. Still, I’m making the effort. I even cut back on soda, since it has sodium.

It’s helped that we don’t eat a lot of Chipotle anymore. We’re making the attempt at cooking at home. Lol. I usually end up eating a quesadilla and calling it good. Easy peasy.

In other news, I’ve been… good, emotionally. The procardia caused a little depression, because constant pain and not being able to do what you want to do will do that to you, but in general, I’ve been good. Like really good.

The shrink ha me on 75 mg of Effexor, 200 mg of Gabapentin and… whatever half a pill of Wellbutrin is… and I haven’t had a depressive episode: no irrational crying, no trying to sleep for 20 hours, no binge eating, and I haven’t been hating myself as much. It’s been–so nice. I haven’t been manic, although I did drop $50 at 2nd & Charles on books on Saturday, but it was the only impulsive thing I’ve done since the Wellbutrin became a thing. I haven’t been HAPPY, especially on the Procardia, but it’s really interesting to consciously know that I would usually be bawling and hysterical over something as mundane as dropping my lunch bag yesterday morning, and instead I just picked it up and finished getting ready for work.

Short of this terrible incident where a rabbit ran in front of my car and I couldn’t stop, I’ve been outburst free. That was a really awful day, though. I didn’t know that wehn you run over something as small as a rabbit it still feels like a speed bump. Mom told me to keep driving, and then as soon as we got close to a neighborhood the next street over she told me to pull over. I cried a lot. I don’t like the idea of killing things, and I tried so hard to stop, and I know it’s just a rabbit, but to me it’s a little fluffy life that I took, and it just killed me. I cried for like 20 minutes and she reassured me it wasn’t my fault, and that I obviously tried to stop, and that this just happens. And I know that… but I still feel bad. I fed the rabbits that live in my front yard carrots as some kind of cosmic compensation for not being able to stop. I’m sure my mother thought I was ridiculous, but she didn’t say as much.

Still, I’m doing really well emotionally. I’m really excited. AND, because I’m not eating my emotions, I’ve lost like 10 lbs! Okay, it’s a little less than that, but I was pushing 300lbs… Never quite hit it, but got DAMN DAMN close. I’m now at 291 even as of this morning. It’s really nice. I hope to pickup exercising again, and get even more off. I’m not making plans to weigh 145 or anything so terribly close to my ideal BMI, but if I could get down to 200lbs again, I’d be really happy.  That’s high school weight! Lol.

Other things:

• I’m going out to celebrate a friend’s birthday this month!
• I’m going to Comicon for the first time!
• I might go see Heathers at Red Rocks!
• And I still have Manson & Zombie to look forward to!
• Oh, and Mothership is taking me to see Bob Seger in February!

I’m also talking to Robot Boy again… I invited his gloriously fashionable best friend to my book club, and she came and told him she was with me, and it turns out he missed me. We might hang out this weekend.

In news I’m sad about, the Polygon is shutting down. All my poly friends that liked the communal living are moving onto bigger and better things. So, I have the Polygon House Cooling party in July and it will be that last polygon party. SO SAD! It’s the end of an era… but I’m so happy for all of them. I hope we manage to keep in touch.

So… things are on the up and up. Who could have seen that coming?! Not me. Lol.

 

Secret Vacation

So. I got some vacation time this week.

I was talking to Bosslady about how I was going to lose my vacation this year. You see, at my place of work if you don’t USE the vacation, you LOSE it, because the company doesn’t pay it out. So, I was telling Bosslady how I lost my vacation and she was like NO YOU DID NOT!!! TAKE THE VACATION! NOW!

So, I was on vacation this week. I didn’t tell anyone, because… they might wanna do stuff… and I had things I wanted to get done.

I cleaned mom’s house Monday. I didn’t CLEAN IT clean it, but I vacuumed like four times for dog hair, cleaned the bathrooms, and mowed the lawn.
Tuesday I had problems doing things… Kinda wore myself out Monday, I guess. Still, I managed to mow my front and backyard.
Wednesday I went to Lowes for some garden stuff, including some Lois flowers. They’re called Lantana, and my grandma, Lois, grew them in giant bushes in Florida.

Wednesday evening I called to be sure Mothership had left work and she was NOT good. She was dizzy and nauseous, so I went and got her from work. When we got home she threw up… and I panicked. It was too much like that day I had to take her to Urgent Care… I don’t know if I can survive her in the hospital again. Fortunately, I set her up in bed and she woke up much better. That meant that I had to take her back to work Thursday, though.

So this morning I took her to work. It was a pleasant enough ride. Afterward, since I had a blood pressure check on that side of town at 1030 anyways, I went to Village Inn for breakfast. It wasn’t my best idea to eat before a blood pressure check. The omelet upset my stomach, which I think raised my blood pressure some; also: salt content. So I went in for the check and it was 138/90. That’s good, but it’s not quite where they wanted it to be. As a result, my doctor increased my Procardia. Doubled it, actually.

Here is the baffling thing about this experience.

My shrink reduced my Effexor because she thought it was raising my blood pressure. Last week, after I saw Joe and had better blood pressure, I got her to agree to increase it again and let me keep the Wellbutrin. That was major. Because it’s not as low as they wanted it, my Effexor might be in danger again.

I can’t go back to how I was before the Effexor. I woke every morning wishing I hadn’t. It’s no way to live. While I’m not 100% great right now, I’m better. That little bit of better is so important to me. I’ll do anything to keep the Effexor. That’s an important determination to make, because the Procardia is causing some tiredness and joint pain… and this flushing thing where I’m just super hecking hot a lot of the time. Procardia is not pleasant when you tend to get every single side effect known to occur… but I can’t go back. I need the Effexor because I like wanting to live.

Admittedly, the tiredness and joint pain is hindering my former burst of energy that I got with the Effexor, but I’m still better on the Effexor than off of it.

We’ll just have to see how this plays out. Tomorrow I wanna do more yard work, and I’m getting the dogs groomed. It would be great to have a nice backyard to read in…