The Great Zoo Adventure

Saturday I went to the zoo with my boyfriend, his daughter, his ex, his ex’s boyfriend, and his ex’s boyfriend’s kids in some kind of hybrid terror of a mixed family event. Why did I do this? Because my boyfriend asked, and I’m kind of obsessed with him.

I would honestly love for this to be the part where I launch into a story of abject horror, where the ex tried to feed me to the lions, and she teamed up with her boyfriend to lock me in a pen with hyenas or something… but it was fine. We had fun.

The kids had a good time, especially, which is really what’s important, but the ex and her boyfriend seem mostly fine. My boyfriend’s daughter, Addison, is 5, and she just adores the ex’s bf’s 10 year old… who fortunately seems to reciprocate. Isis was great with BOTH the kids, actually, and was a good little helper. She would help reign in Addison, and she’d also keep an eye on Seth, her 3 year old brother. She also loves taking pictures, and took a ton of them and wanted to show them all to me… I was fine with this, but in true dad form, the ex’s bf told her not to. I’m sure he thought she was bothering me or something, but really I just kept telling her that when she’s a famous photographer she’ll have to send me her autograph… cuz I am that kind of human being. Lol.

I didn’t interact much with Seth, and the bit I interacted with Addison was mostly when I would be teasing Isis and Addison would want to be part of the fun. I don’t think Addison really cared about my existence one way or the other, except when I defended them with a water bottle at lunch (Canadian Geese, man… they’re brazen lil fucks). That’s okay, though. I get this feeling I’ll have plenty of time to make an impression on her…. Isis adored me, though. She just thought I was the cooliest… and I laughed at that, cuz I super am not… but I had forgotten how much I actually love hanging out with kids. They’re just so… fun.

Chris spent most of the weekend with me. He staid Friday night, and we watched The Possession… because obviously we had to. Then we went to the zoo Saturday, and he staid Saturday night. We watched The Orville, because we are nerds. Oddly good show, that… And then Sunday morning he got up, went to the store, and made me biscuits and gravy, which was awesome. I was hella impressed.

Things have been great… I’m super happy.

Unfortunately, they had to put his mom’s dog down yesterday… and I’m not sure what to do about that. When we put down Keagan I just wanted people to not talk to me and I slept for two days… I just told him that if there was anything I could do, that I would be happy to do it. I feel so useless when people are grieving… because there’s nothing you can do and nothing you can say that makes them feel even a little bit better. You just have to wait for the scar tissue to form over that place in their heart. When all you want to do is comfort someone, knowing there’s nothing you can do is the most hopeless feeling in the world.


Let’s end on a brighter note… I made Chris and I Facebook Official after the zoo, and here are some choice responses my friends posted.

Wow, he made it through the gauntlet? I’m impressed. 🙂

IT’S A TRAP! (complete with Admiral Ackbar gif)

If this is for real, fantastic! You deserve to be happy, sweetie! I admit, there’s a part of me that’s waiting for a punchline.

I have to second this sentiment. Like….. we’re not being punk’d here, are we?

Welcome to the world of tolerating another human being more than you thought possible.

Wait whaaaat?! I mean I’m definitely happy for you, just surprised, alt-me.

(many, many gifs of surprised faces and screaming)

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Mi Novio

I had a lovely week last week. Chris’ daughter was out of town, so I got extra Chris time.

Saturday we went to the dog park. He brought Koopa, his boxer, and I brought Kyrie. I wasn’t sure how she’d do, but after she settled the fuck down she had a great time. Wore her out, though.

After that we went back to my place and watched IT, because he hadn’t seen it yet. Turns out he hasn’t seen the old one with Tim Curry, either. That’s really okay, since Tim Curry is the only good part of the old one, but he was like, “I wish they’d do a sequel where the kids come back as adults to fight it again.” And I was like OMG THEY DO! It’s gonna be great! Lol.

After that we went to Chili’s for dinner, and then to 2nd & Charles, where I bought way too many books. I have a book problem. But it was nice. I love 2nd & Charles. We ran into Bren and Michael, too. That was weird and fun. Lol. Michael is adorable. He kept making me go look at Mario shit with him.

Then we went back to my place and tried to figure out how to play my Call of Cthulhu: The Card Game. We were not entirely successful. I am going to look at the rule book this week and see if I can make any better sense of it so we can play. Lol. Half the problem was that Frankie wouldn’t leave Chris alone, though… she’s such a menace, but he takes it well.

I know it’s stupid to be excited about, but I asked him if he was my boyfriend and he said yes. Lol. At 29 it feels stupid to be excited about that, but I like the solidarity of titles. I don’t have to guess if we’re doing a thing here. We are.

My moods have been better. They were real whacked out at the end of last week for some reason. I’ve been better since the last entry, but I’m still going to tell my shrink about it tomorrow to see if she thinks I need a med adjustment… I’m betting I do… I’m still impulsively doing weird shit… like buying books… and declaring people mi novio.

In general, I’m happy. Things are pretty good, all things considered. I have some things I’d like to change, but I can do it gradually. I just… I dunno. I feel like I’m missing something and I haven’t figured out what it is yet… It’s odd.

Is it needy, or am I cray?

What is “needy” defined as?
Well… Urban Dictionary defines it as:

image

Okay, so then what is a normative amount of attention?

I don’t fucking know.

So, SupaNerd and I went out on Saturday and he came over Sunday. There’s whole entry about it. Monday he wanted to hang out again. I didn’t give it much thought because I was laid up with a migraine that I was convinced was going to split my head open and Athena would pop out. (Greek Mythology for the win.) Yesterday he asked me to dinner.

Okay, so I don’t know what the normative amount of attention is, but I am of the mind that wanting to see someone every single day is bordering on needy. Like, we’re not even dating in an official, exclusive capacity. He is a guy I’ve been out with under the pretense of a date four times. He’s not my boyfriend, and I’m not even really sure if I want him to be. I’m still working it out…

Was I mad he ignored me for a month?
Yes, but flipping a 180 and wanting to see me every single day isn’t what I’m looking for, either.

Is it okay that he texts me everyday?
Sure. I have no problem with that. I’ll text anyone every single day. Not constantly, but I’ll get back to you. Text me all you want.

But isn’t it nice he wants to see you?
Yeah, sure, but I’m not the kind of person that abandons their entire life for a significant other… you become part of my life, not the center of it.

If you like him, why wouldn’t you want to see him?
I have shit to do. I have hobbies. I have four dogs and a cat to hang out with. I have video games to play, things to draw, crafts to make, cakes to bake, laundry to do. I like time with myself. It’s a me thing.

You need to put in some time with a person or they won’t wanna see you at all.
I did put in time. I put in two consecutive days. One of which I spent partially trapped under his lifeless body in the most non-sexy way ever.

Aren’t you just trying to self-sabotage because you like him and he likes you back?
I don’t think so, no. I’m all for seeing him… Thursday through Saturday. I like being alone during the week. It’s the same as when someone stays the night and then they sleep in. I fucking hate that. Get out of my house. I have things to do. I don’t have the time or patience to wait for you to wake up… and no I don’t wanna go to breakfast.

How did this turn into a third person conversation when you started out talking to yourself rhetorically?
I don’t know… it happens.

So look. Here’s the thing. I like a certain amount of privacy. I’m not a needy girl (as I have previously stated a number of times). I am a strong independent woman that doesn’t need a man. If I’m choosing to spend time with a guy, it’s because I find them interesting as a person. That’s me. At no point do I want to see ANYONE every single day, though. I kind of wish that I got to see completely different people at work everyday. Like… These people get too friendly.

Still, I’ve been single for a long, long time… so I turned to other people in my life to determine if I’m overreacting or if it’s legit weird. My lawyer bestie totally thinks it’s needy. He, like me, thinks seeing someone on the daily is needy. Like… get a hobby. My AU friend doesn’t really seem to think that’s needy… But low-key think he’s prolly the kind of guy that would be super needy… I’ve also taken to calling him a sexual deviant, because he mostly talks about sex. He’s obsessed… and not getting any. It’s weird.

I asked my mom, and she flipped shit on me for it.
No, apparently wanting to see someone on the daily isn’t needy. Also, why haven’t I kissed him yet? How’s he supposed to know I’m interested if I haven’t kissed him? What if he lived with me? Then we’d see each other daily. That’s not weird. I need to stop blowing him off right off the bat. I was all upset he didn’t talk to me for a month and now I’m all upset that he wants to see. What’s wrong with me? How am I supposed to get married if I treat people this way? Why do I have to be so abrasive? He seems fine, so I need to give him a chance. I don’t want to end up old and alone like my mother. She didn’t think about that when she was younger and now she regrets being all alone. She should have focused more on real relationships. She was worried when I used to be away from the house all the time and staid at my boyfriend’s place in my early 20s. Now she’s worried because I stay holed up in my house and don’t talk to real people. Talking to people on the internet isn’t really socializing, you know. It’s not healthy. She just worries. All the time. What will I do when she’s dead? Have I considered that? One day she’s gonna die, and if I’m not married, then what will I do? I’m gonna be all alone like her if I don’t stop being so damn abrasive to people and tied one down. Being independent is overrated. It would be better if I found a man to take of me.My mother totally low-key wishes I’d just fall madly in love with someone and get married. Actually… it’s not at all low-key. She tells me all the time.

Mostly to appease my mother I arranged to see him Thursday night. It gets him off my back for a few days, and makes my mother shut up. Win-win.

What really irritates me, is that I’ve explained to him more than once that I don’t eat in public… or with people. I have a GI problem. It’s awful. We went out Saturday, he got pizza, and I watched him eat it. I wanted some. I wanted some REAL BAD. I can’t eat it in public, though. On Sunday I took pills so I could eat Chinese food with him without doubling over in extreme pain 20 mins later. I still got sick, but he was passed out, so that was fine. If I eat, there’s a 90% chance I’m going to be violently ill. VIOLENTLY ILL. I’ve explained this, but he keeps trying to get me to do food-related things. I’m like… fucking stop and listen to me.

Tuesday he wanted to make me dinner. It’s a nice gesture. It’s very sweet. I appreciate it… but I prolly can’t eat it. I could take a pill, and then it won’t be painfully violent, but I’ll prolly still be extremely sick. I need to see GI specialist. It’s on my list of shit to do, right after get Kyrie’s glaucoma eye removed and see a bariatric specialist. We’ve been over this. I don’t like when people don’t listen. It drives me fucking insane. I’m not gonna cave and eat just because you keep asking. I’m going to dodge it at every single turn. We are never going to have a really real food date. We’re not doing breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, supper, or apps. I’m not going to eat your food. I dunno how you cook, and being violently ill isn’t a thing I like. THINK OF ANOTHER FUCKING ACTIVITY THAT HUMANS DO TOGETHER… FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE HOLY IN THE UNIVERSE.

I just… I dunno.
Is it just me? Do I give off the vibe of, prolly needy and loves to eat?
Like, yeah, I’m a fat girl that brought up the fact it felt like I was being ghosted, but that doesn’t mean I’m needy. It means I fucking see you trying to ghost me… be a fucking man and tell me why you’ve been ignoring me for a month!!! And also, I have a larger mass than other people!!! That’s all it fucking means.

I dunno. Someone tell me if I’m being irrational. Please. Please do.