Puddle of Mudd with Saliva!!! (woo)

So let’s see. It’s been a week.
Not a lot happened during the week, but the weekend was fun.

Saturday I got my hair done. I changed it from teal to orange for autumn. I also whacked off the sides, so instead of a fade I just have the sides super crew cut short and it’s long and orange on top. Mom hated it, but I think it will grow on her.

I also got new glasses! Because I needed to see.

Orange

Sunday was an adventure.

So we’d already arranged for Chris to meet my mom at The Nun. Because what other way would you introduce parents to your boyfriend than at a horror movie? He was late, because he and his dad had to go get his sign from his shop. (It never occurred to me that people purchase those signs and then have to figure out what to do with them after the shop goes under.) So his dad dropped him off. He managed to say hello to Mom, but they didn’t get to like… interact that much.

The Nun, btw, wasn’t a BAD movie. It was disappointing only because I expected it to be as good as I felt The Conjuring and The Conjuring 2 were… It’s more of Annabelle territory… like… fun but not outstanding.

After that, he invited me to go meet HIS parents and have lunch.
So.
Let me preface this with, I was dressed in black, wearing skulls, with my new orange hair, and heavy eyeliner. Like I was dressed for a concert, not to meet my boyfriend’s Episcopal parents….

So his parents live in a nice neighborhood, on a nice block, in a nice house with kids playing in the street and green lawns everywhere. We walk in, and the first thing you’re greeted with is “Through God all things are possible…” on the wall right inside the doorway. I was aware there was a startling number of crosses in this house, but that was… odd… for me. Having just seen The Nun, I was already like, “This many crosses in one place definitely means there’s a demon here.”

crosses

Anyways, Addi pops out to say hello, and she’s 5, so she’s excited to see anyone and everyone. It was reassuring. She liked my hair.

So I’m looking around and this is one of those houses with like a sitting room, a dining room, and a living room. The sitting room is full of just… stuff. Like they have a floor, but every flat surface has papers or stuff sitting on it. Same with the formal dining table they don’t seem to use. We move to the living room and kitchen, and it’s much the same. There’s just… stuff. Toys, which were expected, but also the kitchen counter was overloaded with stuff. There was nowhere to like… cut things. The tops of the cabinets were covered in roosters and chickens (which I later found out his mom collects). The table in the kitchen, because this house is big enough for that kind of thing, was also pretty much fully covered in papers and stuff. THERE WAS SO MUCH STUFF.

So that’s when it hits me.

I’ve been agonizing and torturing myself over the state of my home, now that I have someone to invite into it. He never cared. I found that odd. NOW IT FUCKING MAKES SENSE.

Honestly, it’s nice to see a home that looks lived in. I’m so used to people taking me to meet their parents and their house looks like some kind of show home. But like… it also took the pressure off. Do I want my house cleaner? Of course I do… but like, not for Chris. Now I don’t have to worry so much when he comes over that he’s judging me.

Anyways…
Lunch was weird. I didn’t really like it but I ate it. They took Hawaiian rolls, basted them with mayo, dijon mustard, sesame seeds, and then put ham on it and put it in the oven… I would have skipped the mayo, and added cheddar or something… Like, I dunno, it just wasn’t my thing, but I ate it because I like Chris and I wasn’t about to scoff at food his mother made.

Then we hung out for a while. His mom watched the football game, his dad was outside doing something with the lawn mower, and I played with Chris and Addi till it was time to go let my dogs out.

We were going to a concert, you see. I bought us tickets to see my friends in Scarlet Canary open for Saliva and Puddle of Mudd. We ended up having a lot of fun, after I overheated, almost passed out, had to go throw up, and ended up running into a coworker who let us sit at their table under a fan. If we go back to Herman’s for a big event, we will be buying a table. It’s worth the money. Plus both Chris and I aren’t good at standing. I guess he’s got angry knees, and between my shite heels and knee missing a ligament, we just need to accept that we’re old. Lol.

I wanted to introduce him to Hannah straight off, because how cool is it that I have my own personal Joan Jett? But she was so busy we didn’t manage to get to intros till the headliner, Puddle of Mudd, was up there. She was excited to meet the guy that got through all my off-putting bullshit. Lol. I was incredibly flattered that she was aware how hard it is to get through all my off-putting bullshit. Hahaha. It was a good time, though.

  • The first band, a local band, had a great sound instrumentally. I was less of a fan of the vocals… but still. Good sound instrumentally.
  • Scarlet Canary was next, and Hannah rocked her face off, as she does. I love her stage presence.
  • After that was a band called Tantric. I had to google them, because I knew nothing about them. Apparently they were originally the empty shell of what used to be Days of the New, and then the new lead singer kept the rights to their songs as Tantric, and now he has a whole new band setup…
    • He was a trip. After his gig I kept seeing him escorting many a thin blonde to the back where I assume he was storing them in his tour bus for later. I swear he was up to like six. I mentioned this to Hannah and she laughed when I said I was memorizing their faces in case they showed up as missing on the news the next day.
  • The Veer Union was a surprise. They were AWESOME. I will be listening to lots more of The Veer Union. And the lead singer was so freaking nice. I saw him greeting fans and selling merch and he just seemed like a stellar guy.
    • They also did a compilation cover of Linkin Park songs that gave me chills.
  • Saliva was interesting. So I guess in 2012 they got a new lead singer who looks like my friend Rob in another life. It was trippy. They put on a good show. I was happy with it. I’d see it again for sure.
  • Puddle of Mudd… I’m not saying they were super high… but Wes Scantlin seemed high as fuck. He forgot lines, and missed verses, and all his notes were off… but like… it was still fun. I had fun, even if he was high as balls.
    • Saliva was better. Go see Saliva.

Afterwards we went home, watched The Orville, and went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning sick… Chris went home and took an Emergen-C packet… I spent Monday and Tuesday in bed sick. I read a book called In The Shadow of Lakecrest that was an unexpectedly great historical gothic fiction. I definitely thought it would be a horror novel… it was not.

Also, this weekend I decided to name Chris’ penis… because why not? I decided it should be the name of the horse that won the Kentucky Derby the year he was born, but “Spend a Buck” is clunky… so I’m calling it Buck. Lol. Oh man I’m a nerd.

As a closing note… I think I’m in love, guys… it’s fucking weird… but like… I’m so happy.

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The Great Zoo Adventure

Saturday I went to the zoo with my boyfriend, his daughter, his ex, his ex’s boyfriend, and his ex’s boyfriend’s kids in some kind of hybrid terror of a mixed family event. Why did I do this? Because my boyfriend asked, and I’m kind of obsessed with him.

I would honestly love for this to be the part where I launch into a story of abject horror, where the ex tried to feed me to the lions, and she teamed up with her boyfriend to lock me in a pen with hyenas or something… but it was fine. We had fun.

The kids had a good time, especially, which is really what’s important, but the ex and her boyfriend seem mostly fine. My boyfriend’s daughter, Addison, is 5, and she just adores the ex’s bf’s 10 year old… who fortunately seems to reciprocate. Isis was great with BOTH the kids, actually, and was a good little helper. She would help reign in Addison, and she’d also keep an eye on Seth, her 3 year old brother. She also loves taking pictures, and took a ton of them and wanted to show them all to me… I was fine with this, but in true dad form, the ex’s bf told her not to. I’m sure he thought she was bothering me or something, but really I just kept telling her that when she’s a famous photographer she’ll have to send me her autograph… cuz I am that kind of human being. Lol.

I didn’t interact much with Seth, and the bit I interacted with Addison was mostly when I would be teasing Isis and Addison would want to be part of the fun. I don’t think Addison really cared about my existence one way or the other, except when I defended them with a water bottle at lunch (Canadian Geese, man… they’re brazen lil fucks). That’s okay, though. I get this feeling I’ll have plenty of time to make an impression on her…. Isis adored me, though. She just thought I was the cooliest… and I laughed at that, cuz I super am not… but I had forgotten how much I actually love hanging out with kids. They’re just so… fun.

Chris spent most of the weekend with me. He staid Friday night, and we watched The Possession… because obviously we had to. Then we went to the zoo Saturday, and he staid Saturday night. We watched The Orville, because we are nerds. Oddly good show, that… And then Sunday morning he got up, went to the store, and made me biscuits and gravy, which was awesome. I was hella impressed.

Things have been great… I’m super happy.

Unfortunately, they had to put his mom’s dog down yesterday… and I’m not sure what to do about that. When we put down Keagan I just wanted people to not talk to me and I slept for two days… I just told him that if there was anything I could do, that I would be happy to do it. I feel so useless when people are grieving… because there’s nothing you can do and nothing you can say that makes them feel even a little bit better. You just have to wait for the scar tissue to form over that place in their heart. When all you want to do is comfort someone, knowing there’s nothing you can do is the most hopeless feeling in the world.


Let’s end on a brighter note… I made Chris and I Facebook Official after the zoo, and here are some choice responses my friends posted.

Wow, he made it through the gauntlet? I’m impressed. 🙂

IT’S A TRAP! (complete with Admiral Ackbar gif)

If this is for real, fantastic! You deserve to be happy, sweetie! I admit, there’s a part of me that’s waiting for a punchline.

I have to second this sentiment. Like….. we’re not being punk’d here, are we?

Welcome to the world of tolerating another human being more than you thought possible.

Wait whaaaat?! I mean I’m definitely happy for you, just surprised, alt-me.

(many, many gifs of surprised faces and screaming)

Happy

Things are still going well with Chris…
I know.
I’m as shocked as you are.

I think I’m kind of in like with him. He’s so fucking nice, and I love being around him… he’s just… great. I don’t have like… a better explanation. I just like him. I wanna be around him as much as humanly possible. It’s weird, because I dislike seeing people too often, and I don’t like to cuddle, and I don’t like to make-out, or be touched very much, and all these things… but I like to with him.

He staid over last night. Poor guy had to get up at 4 and we went to bed at midnight. He was a good sport about it, though. He had said he wanted to come back tonight, to ACTUALLY watch The Conjuring with me… but we’ll see. I don’t wanna get my hopes up too high, but I just like seeing the guy. It makes me happy. HE makes me happy.

Don’t get me wrong… A married dude with two kids who lives with his parents wasn’t what I was really looking for… but I don’t really mind kids, and he’s got a job, and his goal is to get divorced and not live with his parents anymore. I’m willing to be patient about the things that aren’t ideal. It’s worth the risk that he’ll run back to his wife, because I’m just so happy right now. I don’t think he will, considering her boyfriend picked up Chris’ daughter to go to a wedding with the wife this week… cuz that’s pretty serious business, but until the divorce is finalized I run the risk anything could happen. Lol.

It is what it is… but I’m so very happy right now.. so… I don’t care.

Things Are… Good. Mostly.

I’ve been seeing more of Chris. I really like him. Probably more than I should.

He has this way about him. He’s not like… dreamy… but he’s just such a nice person. He makes me feel smart and interesting and pretty. What more could you ask for? He calls me fascinating, which is a highly under-utilized compliment.

Last Sunday we saw The Meg before he went into work. It was a hilarious movie. He let me lay on him, and afterwards I found out he was going into work late, technically, because he’d made plans with me before he knew his schedule. So… that’s fun. Working around his whack work schedule has been a little hard, but we’re making it work. Even Mom is on board, I guess cuz I seem really happy and whatnot, and she let me go early from work so I could have him over Wednesday night. We got pizza and watched Tusk and Cabin in the Woods. We also got intimate, which I thought I’d have a panic attack over, but I didn’t and he made it a lot easier than my anxiety ridden brain thought it was gonna be.

He was supposed to come over last night to watch The Conjuring. I have to catch him up on all the horror movies, because his ex hated spooky things. But, he forgot about back to school night. That’s okay, though. Being up late Wednesday night, and then the fuck of a day I had Thursday, I was kind of excited to go home and wear PJs and do very little. Lol. He said maybe he can take me to breakfast to make up for it this weekend.

I told him not to worry so much about it. I like that he wants to see me, but I also know he’s got a life. He’s trying to get back on his feet so he doesn’t have to live with his parents, and he’s taking care of a 5 year old, and he’s gotta worry about his other daughter in another state, and like… I get that he’s got shit going on. I, too, often have shit going on. So, I just enjoy his Snapchats and texts and hopefully we can hangout again soon. Sexy Times or No.

Tbh I oddly enjoyed sexy time. Being so very asexual as I am, it wasn’t on my agenda or anything, but like, I really like this dude so I kind of wanted to just to solidify that I like him… which sounds bad, but that’s because I’m a very asexual person trying to convey to an allosexual that I’m interested. I’m sex positive, though, so it’s not like it was traumatizing for me or anything. I gave him permission to kiss me, and it just escalated. I was okay with it, though. He’s real sweet even in bed. He likes to cuddle. He likes to kiss. It feels a lot safer than some other encounters I’ve had. He’s fun, too. We laughed more than once. I wish he could have staid the night, though. I like sleeping next to people. But again, he’s gotta be home for when his daughter wakes up. So, I get it.

I hope he keeps me around a while. He seems to want to. He keeps inviting me to things months out, like Scallywag Fest and Devildriver in November. So… I think he likes me back, genuinely.


Frankie is doing good. She took her splint off a week early. She’s walking on it just fine, though, so I left it off. I’ll tell the vet she took it off today. Maybe it will save me an xray fee.

Kyrie, Kira, and Bdo still aren’t sure what to do with her. She’s a lot to deal with. So much energy. She’s also been terrorizing Mom’s dogs. Everyone is so much older than her, they just can’t keep up. Lol. She’s a happy little girl, though. I have no regrets.


I’ve been having weird mood fluctuations. I’m not sure what it’s from. Been up and down. I’m hesitant to tell my shrink when I see her, because I really don’t want to mess with my meds unless I have to. So we’ll see.

D2, D1, and D&D

D2 is out of the hospital.

I guess it was a productive visit, but he’s totally ruined his friendships with his little group from work. I wanna say I feel bad for him, but this is exactly where he was last year. The only difference is that he’d ruined his friendship with his roommate instead. They upgraded his diagnosis to BP1 and put him on Lithium. I hope it helps, but I still don’t feel any sympathy for it.

I don’t give myself permission to be sick. I don’t have the ability to spend three days in a psych ward and then take extended time off work to get myself together. I have to spread my crazy out over having mini breakdowns at home after work on my own god damn time. I just don’t understand people who can allow themselves to lose it… I can’t do that. I can’t live on disability. I can’t embarrass my family by going into a care facility. Maybe that’s a problem with me and how I’ve been trained to treat my mental illness, in the sense that I don’t allow myself to treat it like a real illness. It’s a thing, I deal with it, and I don’t let it effect my professional life even if it tears my personal life apart. (To be clear we don’t treat actual illness like illness either…. unless physically unable to, we still get up, go to work, and get through the flu or pneumonia or whatever on our own time.)

My foul mood doesn’t really end there. Yesterday I found out D1 is dating a rabbi, and that’s super cool, but it reminded me that I haven’t found anyone to even pretend I wanna go on a date with. So… I deleted my dating profile. As much as I love filling My Tumblr Blog with the stupid shit men like to send to me, it’s kind of depressing that I can’t even find a nice boy to go to dinner with. I’d pay for myself, btw… ain’t no freeloader looking for a free meal.

In my absence of a love life, or even a social life, I’m learning to play D&D, and even how to DM… because I have the time. I’m actually really excited. Cat, from work, said she’ll play with me, and we have some other people who might join later, too! I am looking forward to it… It’s definitely not easy to learn, though. There’s a lot of information to synthesize before creating a module, or even just a character.

So… that’s what’s going on in my life right now… not a lot, but I’m staying busy.

Sometimes I Wonder…

…am I the only person that has this problem?
And then I think, “No, I can’t possibly be the ONLY person without close friends or family to talk to about things.”
And then I realize… I might be…

I mean, maybe not. Maybe we, the lonely and emotionally closed off from the rest of the world, are legion! And there are people out there facing the same things I do everyday, in regards to having no one to talk anything over with and no one I trust to understand. That might be a thing. I don’t know. Realistically if we WERE legion and this was a commonplace thing, I still wouldn’t know about it, because none of us would talk to each other, either. So we all just suffer in silence, pondering the same questions, never knowing that guy over there is pondering the same thing.

What’s my point?

So, I met a nice guy on a dating website.
He’s interesting, nice, relatively appealing on a visual level, so I’m excited. We’re supposed to get coffee on Sunday. Will we? I have no idea. What’s the protocol for communication in the days leading up to Sunday? No idea. What I do know is that he seemed to enjoy my personality. He seemed to enjoy similar things as I do. We seem to have good interpersonal chemistry. But he stopped messaging me last night and I don’t know how I’m supposed to initiate contact with him today. Say hi around lunch? Should I even contact him at all? I don’t fucking know. I’ve been single for two fucking years. I have no idea how to properly court someone.

So, in these kinds of situations, one turns to their best friends and close family to ask for advice, right?
No.
First… I don’t have family to ask. I have my mom, but I don’t really like talking to my mom about relationships… I dunno why, but it just makes me feel like jello.
Seconds… My two best friends, god love them, live under this notion that I’m a psycho… and that acting at all like me is not good. They are both, I FEEL, overly cautious when it comes to relationships.
So I ask them, when do I contact someone today? And they go, don’t. Just don’t. Wait for them to contact you.
Why. Why is that protocol? Because I don’t want to be the one that looks overzealous? I’m zealous. One of us is going to have to be zealous or we just won’t fucking talk again. That’s how the game works. The trick is to be zealous but not a psycho, which is what I’ve been training for my whole life, really.

Oh, and while I’m pretty alright with telling the out of state bestie about my adventures in dating, I’m not telling in state bestie jack shit. She… I don’t really know why we’re best friends. I mean, we are like complete opposites when it comes to any approach at life… If I can pull off getting a boyfriend and never introducing him to her, that would work for me. I don’t believe in mixing love with friends anyways. My friends don’t need to approve my love interest.

So, in lack of places to seek good advice, I’m winging it.
My strategy today, is to utilize SnapChat. I’m going to a show tonight. I invited new internet guy, but he’s going to see the new Hobbit movie, so… my plan is to send what LOOKS like a group snap tonight of me having fun at the show. I will probably actually be really bored, because I’m going alone, but it’s a way to initiate contact, late in the day, without it seeming like a big deal. It’s a perfect plan.

Still… it would be nice to get REAL advice from someone…
Like, I watched The Hobbit last night, because I had it and the guy was telling me how he love fantasy adventure and LoTR and how he’s excited to see the new Hobbit movie tonight… and I’m like, okay, well I was meaning to watch it anyways… and I’d like to tell him I watched it and what I thought of the movie compared to the book, etc… but does that seem like I went out of my way to watch The Hobbit so I could get up and message him about it this morning? I dunno. Maybe. I would find that flattering, but I guess other people think that’s sketch?

So… stick to what I know, I guess.

Updates to come. Stay tuned.