It’s Monday morning, and on Friday I have my hysterectomy. On top of that, it’s day 2 of month end, and I’m very tired already. It’s going to be a hectic week.

I had a great weekend, though.

Friday night I was going to get drinks with Cat and Robyn to say bye-bye to my uterus… but it was the first day of month end and I was tired, and I really just wanted Chris time. So, I cancelled that.

When Chris got there, we spent what I would consider an inordinate amount of time just hugging and kissing in my living room. We do that a lot when we see each other. I didn’t get to see him at all last week, and I missed him. I missed SOOOOO much, and thankfully he felt similarly. We are… very addicted to each other. It’s a weird feeling. I’m getting used to it, though. After we got over the wave of affection, we decided to get Chipotle and Goodtimes Custard for dinner, and watch some Umbrella Academy. It wasn’t an eventful night, but it was nice.

Saturday morning we spent about half the day in bed with a mixture of sexy time and snuggling, which was super nice. When we finally did get up, I made him some eggs and me some grits, and we watched more Umbrella Academy. Then we loaded up and headed to Englewood. The Englewood Library has a bunch of stuff in it, including an art exhibit called Natura Obscura. Originally, Rob was going to take Amber, but they ended up going to Whimsy Con instead, and he gave the tickets to Chris. (The great thing about both Chris and Rob is that Amber and I are art nerds… what works on one of us will likely work on the other one. I’m a bit darker, and she a bit more whimsy, but you can’t really go wrong with an art exhibit.)

We had no idea what to expect, really. I’d briefly googled the exhibit to see what it was, but I didn’t really get into it, if you know what I mean. So we go and we’re given black light flashlights. I’m immediately intrigued. There’s also a phone app to go with it, and when you find these little placards with these little animals on it they talk to you via app! So we go in and it’s like a black light forest scene. You shine the light around and there’s secret stuff in black light paint everywhere… it’s SUPER COOL. Then you go into this area that looks like the inside of my head. Just STUFF everywhere. Fascinating clutter jammed together to represent different stories. Alice in Wonderland, of course, Beauty and the Beast, Little Red Riding Hood… the three blind mice was my favorite because it was just 3 rat tails in jars in a shadow box with silhouettes of the mice. It was cute. It made me wanna art. I took tons of pictures. Then there were some other rooms with interactive stuff: a 30 minute meditative experience, a room that had tubes that light up and play sounds when you touch them, a swing in the middle of a cloud room that plays thunder noises and flashes lights like lightning when you swing, a room full of weird inflatable things, and a room that was all black with a molecular diamond structure in it… I didn’t like that last one because one whole wall was motherboards and it would randomly light up like it was struck by lightning, but I couldn’t figure out what kind of timer it was on, so it startled me every time. Lol. It was super fun, though. I loved it. He loved it. Then we went to get pho.

Chris picked the pho, but come to find out he’d never actually eaten pho. So we got in and ordered and they brought out the plate of garnishes and he was just like, “I have no idea what that is…” So I explained pho to him, and lip synced some ridiculous old love songs that they were playing overhead. There’s nothing more fun than dramatically lip syncing My Heart Will Go On in a public place, and I will physically fight anyone that says otherwise. Lol. We only managed about half the pho and had to take the other half home. We had fun, though!

When we got home we watched some Umbrella Academy and then went to Mom’s for pizza and a movie. We got pizza and wings, and we watched Isle of Dogs. I didn’t know that movie was an adult movie. It looks like a kid movie, but it absolutely is not. We pretty much laughed through the whole thing, because that is the driest, hilarious movie I’ve seen in a long, long time. It was a really good time. Sal and Garner love Chris, and even Ava and Guy got in on his snuggly personality. My mom just laughed. We ended up staying up for a while when we got home so the dogs could eat and stuff. We finished Food Wars (Shokugeki no Soma) and watched some stand up. It was SUCH a great day. I was just happy to be with him, and he said the same.

Sunday morning the dogs tried to wake us up early, and I got mad about it and ended up locking everyone in the kennels and going back to bed… but of course I couldn’t sleep, so while Chris slept I drank pumpkin tea, read, and listened to some lo-fi hip hop. When he started waking up we switched to a new playlist I’m curating that’s got Orgy and Nine Inch Nails, and other mainstream Industrial Dance artists on it. It’s a good mix of stuff I can dance to and stuff he peripherally listened to in high school. We both kept going, “I haven’t heard this in FOREVER.” We played phone games and snuggled, and eventually snuggled up with the dogs, too. When we got up we watched the end of Umbrella Academy, which is KILLER by the way, and then went to the bedroom for some… sexy time.

After that he had to go pickup Addi. I ended up taking a nap.

What I left out was some news I got.

A, Addi is going to school in Greeley next year. That means that she’ll be moving up there when school ends and we’ll get her every other weekend. I think that’s going to be good, because it gives us time to see if he likes living with me, but also to redo the house, and time for Chris to figure out if he’s going to trade school. He wants to be an electrician, he thinks. It’s really important to me that even though she’ll only be coming weekends, that she has a room and it is HER room. I didn’t have a room at my dad’s. It was a spare bedroom they did laundry in. Nothing I owned lived there. It wasn’t MINE. I want to be sure she knows that’s HER room and she’s welcome to it whenever she likes. Hopefully, in the future, we can get a slightly bigger house with another bedroom so we can have a room for Brinley, too. But that’s a ways off. She only visits every few months… but as she gets older he might wanna come more, and I want to make the house welcoming for her.

2, The GM of the store I got offered a promotion to called. We had lunch last Monday to discuss it, and I spent the time emphasizing I could definitely do the job, but that it has to be worth it, and that I value family time with my partner and his daughter, etc. I also asked for a pretty substantial raise to even consider it… and he called me Saturday before we went to Natura Obscura and let me know they’re interested. He said to call him when I’m back from FMLA so we can talk actual money and how the move will go down should I accept the position. It would be closer to home, and it’s a great opportunity. I just… have to make sure I’m getting what I’m worth. I’m sad about leaving mom alone, but also I know she’s not going to work in the biz forever. It’s important I do what’s right for me and MY plans. This move and raise would be good for me, but also helps establish that I can help mom in the future. So.. If they stick to the pay I asked, I think I’ll end up taking it.

I had a panic attack about everything… because I worry I’ll make the wrong choices… but Chris is right… you just have to make a choice and ride it out. And he’ll be there to hold me when I’m overwhelmed, and we’ll make whatever happens work. #SuspiciouslySupportive I love that nerd…


Skeletons in the Basement

This weekend Chris and I started planning out the move. We can’t move him in till like May, cuz I’m about to be down and out post-surgery, but I liked the planning… It felt productive.

We also started shoving trash from the red room into a pile and going through things. I think we only worked for about an hour, but we made great progress. I had to ask to stop, though. The stuff in the basement makes me sad. I joke that I keep bodies in my basement, but really I keep a lot of skeletons. Memories that hurt because people are dead, or just gone. I don’t cope with loss that well.

Chris was great about it, though. He took me upstairs and we played Mortal Kombat. No questions asked other than if I wanted to talk about it. I did not.

He talked to the ex and Addi will be going to her place for the summer. So, that will give Chris and I time to move him and Koopa in, and to get Addi used to the idea. Also to see if we can all live together in the first place… I mean, I think I can live with Chris, but it remains to be seen. Chris also said that Addi might do school up with the ex next year, to give him a break to try and get himself together. It’s still up in the air, but it’s good. I feel good about it.

I have to work on getting that pile of trash out of the basement… I don’t want it to just sit. I want progress before my surgery.

I’m getting more nervous about my surgery, but I’m trying not to. It’s no big deal, I say. But I feel like it’s a big deal. It’s irreversible. I know it’s the right thing to do, but it doesn’t make the idea of losing the thing that defines me as a woman. If it were any other person I’d be like, no no no having babies isn’t what makes you a woman, followed by a long tirade about identity and gender, etc. But it’s not someone else. It’s me. And I’ve never been great at being a woman anyways. I’m not feminine. I’m not good at makeup. I’m not just… nothing. And now my insides will match the outsides… It’s a bad feeling.

But then there’s the rest. There’s Chris, and how much he loves me, all of me. He loves me even though I’m not feminine, even though I’m 85 pounds heavier than he is, even though I don’t shave my legs, even though I’m awkward as fuck, even though I’m unsure how to treat kids, even though I’m not sure about so many things. Somehow life is better when someone loves you “even though.” I think “even though” is better than “because.” I know why Chris loves me… but the things he loves me in spite of mean more to me.

Anyways. That’s the update. Nothing dramatic…. but complicated.

Long Term Goals

So we, as in Chris and I, have decided to make a long term goal of moving him and Addi in. We’re not sure what the situation with Addi will be, but it’s down the road.

Before I can even entertain the idea of moving him in, there’s a lot of things I have to get done in the house.

  • Finish cleaning out the basement
  • Marie Kondo everything
  • Repaint stuff
  • Fix the ceiling in the basement
  • Fix the stairs
  • Cleanup the backyard

Not to mention he has to Marie Kondo HIS stuff, and we have to figure out how to integrate our stuff together. Also, before he moves in, it would be nice to get him a different job and know his budget. I don’t need him to pay the mortgage, but I have to know we’re gonna have money for food and utilities, etc.

Chris and I are gonna setup shop in the basement, use the red room as a walk in closet/office, and set Addi up in the upstairs bedroom. Which we’ll also have to paint, cuz my obnoxious green isn’t really good for small children.

I have outlets to fix… and the banister has to get fixed… It’s gonna be a process.

But… I like having long-term goals with someone. It feels like we’re working toward something. I like that. I like planning a future with someone. It’s so… nice.

Quality Time

This past weekend, I got Chris all to myself from Friday night to midday Sunday. It was SO NICE OMG.

As a rule, I try not to be a clingy girlfriend, but if we’re being honest I would spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week with this man. That’s new for me. Even with Grant, who is probably my best ex, I would get up early after he spent the night and make him leave. I don’t feel that way with Chris. It’s gross. I’m in love. That being said, this weekend was great.

Chris had the whole weekend off, but it had been a rough week for him, so when he arrived on Friday night I offered to buy dinner. We got Casa Gutierrez, which turned out to be pretty good Mexican, and watched some Daniel Sloss. Chris was in top form: by that, I mean he was so… up. I couldn’t help it, I asked if he’d considered that he might be bipolar. He just said yes. He was so happy, though. He was bouncy and wanted to snuggle, and we danced in the living room, and he was just so excited to be with me. It was really nice. He was happy to play Fluxx with me (lost Adventure Time & Batman, but owned him in Cthulhu Fluxx), and we went upstairs and played some N64 (which I super lost), and then we were watching Food Wars when I passed out. I hate when I pass out early, especially during Chris time, but he didn’t mind. He turned off Food Wars and we snuggled up and I slept really well…. until Frankie figured out how to escape the sleep kennel. My brain wakes me up when I hear Bdo feet. I rounded them up, though.

Saturday morning we snuggled a lot. I like snuggling him. Sue me. I had to run off to a hair cut at 10am with Mothership, and originally he was going to sleep while I was gone, but decided to run home. I was only gone for like two hours with Mothership, but she was acting hella weird. It dragged my mood way down for some reason. We got our hair cut, and then went to Torrid because she wanted some leggings, but she also bought me a really cute sweater. I offered to do something else with her, since we were out, but she just wanted to go home. I can’t exactly explain what was wrong, but it was just how she responded. She seemed annoyed, but I’m not sure that she really was. Anyways, I got home and my mood crashed, but I let Chris know I was home and sad. He came over hellbent on A, making me feel better, and 2, to take me on an adventure. He hugged me and showed me his box of N64 games, that are going to live at my house, now, so we can play. Then he decided we were going to Black & Read and pushed me out of the house.

I love Black & Read, but it’s way up north, so I don’t get up there that often. So we embarked on an adventure! It was especially an adventure because we had no idea how to get to Black & Read. In the car, I drove and Chris navigated. We played with Spotify and introduced each other to so good music. We sang. We laughed. I honestly loved just being in the car with him for like an hour. I just enjoy his company. Inside Black & Read was no different. We started together, pouring over the board games, talking about games we like, ones he has, ones we wanted, and just being mesmerized by the chaos setup of Black & Read. We picked up some “escape the room” card games to try, since I was having people over that night for board games, and then ended up splitting up to wander around. I scoured the books and reveled in the disarray of the Black & Read system (literally it’s STUFF EVERYWHERE vaguely sorted by games, books, or music, and then vaguely by genre). I found a couple of books (Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys & Blade Runner), and we met back up in the vinyl section, where I was debating buying some Jefferson Airplane.

By that point, it was mid-afternoon. We were hungry, but unfamiliar with the area. So… I checked the travel time and asked if he wanted Cajun. Chris always wants Cajun. So we loaded up and it only took about 30 minutes to get to Littleton. I took him to Nono’s… because of course I did. I didn’t think about it at the time, but we didn’t lack on conversation. It just… flowed. It usually does when we’re out and about. I love that about him. Afterwards, he’d googled how late this other game store I wanted to visit was open… and since it was open we loaded up and headed to The Gaming Goat. It’s a lovely store, complete with tables for playing the house games, of which there are MANY. And you don’t even have to rent the table. It’s first come first play, but they have plenty of room. And they let you bring your own food, etc. We looked at all their games, and I, in my infinite wisdom, bought yet another game called Apocrypha. It’s a really cool sounding game, though.

So we went home, and Rob & Amber flaked on game night, and Bird plain forgot… so instead we broke out Apocrypha and watched a tutorial on how to play, followed by us trying to figure out how to play. It was pretty fun. A little involved, but that’s the point. I ordered pizza pretty late, and even though he said he wasn’t hungry, he helped me half a pizza and half an order of meatballs that were crazy good. Then out of nowhere I decided we should watch Saw 3, because Saw is my favorite horror series, and he’s only see one and two. So we popped it in, but when they got to the part where the doctor has to cut open John’s skull…. Chris bitched out. Which I gave him shit for. I then reassured him that I can watch my torture porn by myself, and he doesn’t have to watch it with me. In response, we went upstairs and were going to watch something funny, but ended up just making out a lot and forgot about TV… and… ya know…

In the morning, Chris offered to go buy stuff for breakfast and I offered to cook it. I made him chorizo cheese grits with eggs, while he watched and asked questions about how to cook stuff. I like teaching him things. He doesn’t historically like grits… but it’s my favorite breakfast, so he tried mine. The difference is, mine are hella fucking thick… and he loved them! He ate more than I did. It was impressive. Then we just hung out for a while. He had to go pickup Addison in Brighton that afternoon, so we just snuggled up and watched some first episodes of some shows he was interested in. I was so happy.

Then he left… and I was going to do something with my afternoon, but I didn’t want to. I snapped him that I should have gone with him, and he said he was still at home if I wanted to come. So I did.I knew I should stay home and clean something or prepare for the week, but I just didn’t want to…

We left immediately, and it’s a long drive to Brighton, so we played with Spotify some more. It was fun! I was nervous, though. I was now showing up unannounced, and while Chris was obviously good with it, I dunno how the ex felt about it. The ex didn’t seem to mind, but she looked frazzled in general. She was fighting with Addi when they arrived, and I got the feeling that it was more or less an all weekend thing. I dunno, obviously, but I’ve seen many a frazzled mother. This wasn’t just “it was a long drive with a 5 year old” frazzled. But she said hello to me, hugged Chris (they’re trying to be friends), and passed Addi off.

What’s interesting is that I could SEE Addi fighting with her mom when they pulled up, but she got out of the car, caught sight of me, got in Chris’ car and proceeded to be calm, and even polite. My mom thinks that might be because I was there, since I seem to have a different relationship with her than other adults. Addison and I don’t have a long relationship, but the time we’ve spent together has had two things: clear boundaries and clear communication. I’ve setup a strong expectation of behavior since I started spending time with her and Chris, and that expectation is that if she’s well behaved we can have a lot of fun, as well as that if she throws a tantrum I don’t want to be around her anymore. I don’t know how accurate that inference is… maybe she changed because I was there and maybe not, but it was nice that she calmed down.

So, I thought after this we were going home, but I was wrong.

Chris has been trying to get me to go to dinner with his parents for a couple weeks now, so seeing his chance to force me into it by having driven us to Brighton, he then headed for Lakewood. We got to White Fence Farm and the place is a sensory overload. There were so many people, the wait time is 3 hours for a table, no reservations accepted, plus it’s part amusement park…. kind of like a Farm version of Casa Bonita. It was chaos, and Addi was not great at sitting still, so my stress went way up, but then we left. Chris got a table number, and when he was told there was such a long wait, he googled something else for us to do.

Much to my surprise, he took us to a 2nd & Charles. That was a great idea! Except that I spent money. He has to stop taking me to stores that want my money. He let Addi go mess around in kids books and toys while we looked at sci-fi and fantasy novels, and I picked up some books I definitely didn’t need. Addi came and found us with a basket filled to the brim with toys… and I had to laugh. She’d picked up two or three of things so she could give one to Isis (ex’s bf’s daughter) or her friend at school or her sister. Chris made her put everything back, but bought her a neon Freddy Fazzbear, since she’s obsessed with Five Nights At Freddy’s. I told her that if she found a book she liked I’d buy it for her, and she came back with three. If kids’ books weren’t so pricey I’d have gotten her all three… but instead I told her to pick one, which she did and put the rest back.  It was just nice to hang out with them in such a… me-friendly setting. We even found a table where we could play some games and taught Addi to play checkers. Then we loaded up and met his parents for dinner.

Kids are strange creatures. We met up with Chris’ parents at White Fence Farm and Addi turned into something of a brat. She seems to like her grandparents but she can flip on Chris’ dad in a heartbeat. I think she doesn’t like how he teases her, in that way that old men tease small girls. He threatened to toss her neon Freddy into a nearby fountain… at which point Chris did intervene and ask why his dad would continue to tease her knowing she was going to scream about it… which she did, and Chris had to haul her off for a conversation about behaving in public.

Dinner was great. I dunno how White Fence Farm has been operating in the red with that good chicken dinner they have. Crispy but fall off the bone tender… hard to do, but so tasty. Conversation with the parents was… good. I had a nice time, but I’m so fucking awkward. Chris was ever his reassuring self, though. We got through it. They did pick at Addi about eating, though. Chris, once again to his credit, told them to leave her alone. I really appreciate that he sticks up for his kid, especially when it’s an issue that he took my advice on how to resolve.

On the way home he and I played with Spotify while Addi played with her tablet. I just wallowed in the nice feeling of having had him for a whole weekend, and how I didn’t get sick of him or irritated with him once. That’s so rare for me. I’m a very lucky girl.

I’m so not used to being in love… but I like it more and more on the daily.

A Magic (TG) Weekend

It’s been so long since I dated that I have forgotten WHEN THE FUCKING ANXIETY GOES AWAY, but I hope it’s soon.

I had a wonderful weekend. It was full of Chris.

Chris had plans to be at a Magic the Gathering tournament Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with his best friend Rob and his friend from out of state, John. His other plans were to see me in the evening.

So, Friday night after the tournament he came over and we went to see 90% Nineties, because I just wanted to get out. I’d had a terrible week: auditors and phones going down and HR problems and employee chaos, oh my. I guess that’s why I ended up drinking too much. I kept apologizing, to which he just replied I deserved to have some fun. We hung out. We played some cards. Bird & Dom came and hung out. We danced. It was a good time. Then he drove me home. I challenged him to Snowboard Kids 2 on N64, and totally kicked his ass. He got stuck. It was great.

Saturday I mostly slept off the hangover, and then hung out with Mom. We had to catch up on some TV. Saturday night, we hung out with Rob and John. I really like Chris’ friends. They’re interesting and fun, and I got to harass Rob about talking to my friend Amber. John is weird, in the sense he reminds me exactly of my friend Lo, except with a beard. They look the same, talk the same, and even move their mouths similarly. It’s fascinating. But we had a good time, played some board games, ate some Chinese. Then they wanted to play a new game, and for some reason we played King’s Cup. No one drank the cup, because we didn’t finish the game. Chris got tired and he was gonna fall asleep on Rob’s sofa, which we’d have to share with John, so I loaded him up and took him home. We were up a while after that, though. We were watching Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2, and laughing, and talking, and generally having a nice time just enjoying each other.

Sunday morning was nice. I got up and let the dogs out, and then I read for a while. I let him sleep till about 1130, and then he got up and went to cash in his prize tickets for the tournament. He saw more of Rob and John while I did NOTHING. I love doing nothing. Lol. Later he came back and we ate Indian food while watching The Haunting of Hill House on Netflix. It was a lovely time, really.

Chris came over last night, too. We were being flirty via text and he came over, and while we had a nice sexy time, we also talked about the fact that sometimes our minds wander. I told him that’s okay, and that sex is not the best part of our relationship. He agreed. It was awkward to talk about, but it was nice to kind of get it out there. I’m so used to being the only one that’s got that kind of prob. It’s nice to commiserate. Then we just hung out until he had to leave and go back to his dad life.

It was nice. I like nice.

Apparently *WE* are in love…

Chris came over last night. He didn’t stay, but he came over… because he likes me, I guess. So we were watching Adventure Time and staring deep into each other’s eyes, as we do to waste a significant amount of time, cuz we’re gross like that, and it was determined that we’re just gonna admit we’re in love.

Now, I’ve been low-key telling him I’m kind of in love with him for like a month… but it’s so nice to know it’s reciprocated. Like… I have warm gushy feelings about it. Which is weird, cuz I don’t fall in love. I’m an aromantic. This is all weird… but like… I’m so in love.

He even reassured me that if I think I’m acting needy I’m super not, and that he loves spending time with me, but also that it’s great he doesn’t feel like he HAS to. I guess the ex didn’t have friends she went out and did stuff with, so he felt like he HAD to be there with her all the time.

Meanwhile, I’m going to dinner and seeing Army of Darkness with Cat and Bird tonight. So, yay me for having friend people. Also, we’re thinking of setting my friend Amber up with his friend Rob. So, that should be an adventure. 😛

Tomorrow I get to meet Rob. The three of us are going to the beer festival. It’s gonna be a long day… but hopefully super fun. I’m excited. Gotta try to be careful what beer I drink, since I’m kind of allergic to so many of them. But I’m excited.

In general… I’m just… excited and happy and…. well I’m in love. It’s neat.

In other news, I caved and scheduled a pap smear… but it’s because I want to talk to my doctor about voluntary sterilization. They have a new, less invasive procedure where they go in and put coils in your fallopian tubes that get covered in scar tissue and prevent eggs from being released. This sounds awful, but it’s better than a laparoscopic thing where they physically go in and tie you off…. So I wanted to look into that.

I’ve decided, and decided a while ago, that I don’t want my own kids. At 30, I’ll either find a dude with kids, like Chris, or I can become a foster and adopt kids. We don’t need to be spreading my horrible genetics all over creation.

The Great Zoo Adventure

Saturday I went to the zoo with my boyfriend, his daughter, his ex, his ex’s boyfriend, and his ex’s boyfriend’s kids in some kind of hybrid terror of a mixed family event. Why did I do this? Because my boyfriend asked, and I’m kind of obsessed with him.

I would honestly love for this to be the part where I launch into a story of abject horror, where the ex tried to feed me to the lions, and she teamed up with her boyfriend to lock me in a pen with hyenas or something… but it was fine. We had fun.

The kids had a good time, especially, which is really what’s important, but the ex and her boyfriend seem mostly fine. My boyfriend’s daughter, Addison, is 5, and she just adores the ex’s bf’s 10 year old… who fortunately seems to reciprocate. Isis was great with BOTH the kids, actually, and was a good little helper. She would help reign in Addison, and she’d also keep an eye on Seth, her 3 year old brother. She also loves taking pictures, and took a ton of them and wanted to show them all to me… I was fine with this, but in true dad form, the ex’s bf told her not to. I’m sure he thought she was bothering me or something, but really I just kept telling her that when she’s a famous photographer she’ll have to send me her autograph… cuz I am that kind of human being. Lol.

I didn’t interact much with Seth, and the bit I interacted with Addison was mostly when I would be teasing Isis and Addison would want to be part of the fun. I don’t think Addison really cared about my existence one way or the other, except when I defended them with a water bottle at lunch (Canadian Geese, man… they’re brazen lil fucks). That’s okay, though. I get this feeling I’ll have plenty of time to make an impression on her…. Isis adored me, though. She just thought I was the cooliest… and I laughed at that, cuz I super am not… but I had forgotten how much I actually love hanging out with kids. They’re just so… fun.

Chris spent most of the weekend with me. He staid Friday night, and we watched The Possession… because obviously we had to. Then we went to the zoo Saturday, and he staid Saturday night. We watched The Orville, because we are nerds. Oddly good show, that… And then Sunday morning he got up, went to the store, and made me biscuits and gravy, which was awesome. I was hella impressed.

Things have been great… I’m super happy.

Unfortunately, they had to put his mom’s dog down yesterday… and I’m not sure what to do about that. When we put down Keagan I just wanted people to not talk to me and I slept for two days… I just told him that if there was anything I could do, that I would be happy to do it. I feel so useless when people are grieving… because there’s nothing you can do and nothing you can say that makes them feel even a little bit better. You just have to wait for the scar tissue to form over that place in their heart. When all you want to do is comfort someone, knowing there’s nothing you can do is the most hopeless feeling in the world.

Let’s end on a brighter note… I made Chris and I Facebook Official after the zoo, and here are some choice responses my friends posted.

Wow, he made it through the gauntlet? I’m impressed. 🙂

IT’S A TRAP! (complete with Admiral Ackbar gif)

If this is for real, fantastic! You deserve to be happy, sweetie! I admit, there’s a part of me that’s waiting for a punchline.

I have to second this sentiment. Like….. we’re not being punk’d here, are we?

Welcome to the world of tolerating another human being more than you thought possible.

Wait whaaaat?! I mean I’m definitely happy for you, just surprised, alt-me.

(many, many gifs of surprised faces and screaming)