It was a weird weekend…
Saturday I was depressed after Suicide Squad. I dunno why. It kind of perked up after Mothership invited me over for dinner, though. We ordered Chinese and watched Z for Zachariah. The movie was not the post-apocalyptic joy ride I was hoping for. It was more of a chick flick disguised as post-apocalyptic flick… I don’t really recommend it to anyone looking for post-apocalyptic movies… but maybe to people that like chick flicks… I don’t like chick flicks, though, so I’m not sure if it was a good chick flick.
Sunday I woke up hating myself.
It’s not a new occurrence, or even a rare one… but I debated staying in bed and wallowing in my misery. I’ve done it a lot, especially in summer when my room is a thousand degrees (I have no AC) and it’s just an overall miserable experience. Instead, I got up and decided that if I was going to be miserable, I could be miserable and accomplish something.
I am the kind of worker that’s best under a deadline, but for things in my normal life that I don’t really want to do, I’m the kind of person that’s most motivated to work when told that I can’t do something. I dunno why… but if you try to tell me that I can’t do something I automatically want to prove you wrong and punch you. I temper that with reason. If you tell me that I can’t climb Everest… you’re right and we’ll go with that. If you tell me that I can’t climb a 14er… I will either prove you wrong or literally die trying.
This mentality can and does get me in trouble.
But, I got up and decided to do something. It helped that Keagan had an accident in the living room. I got pissed. I’m super productive when pissed. I wasn’t pissed at HIM, because he’s old and accidents happen, but I was sprang from hating myself to hating EVERYTHING. A manic rage is a really productive place for me if I channel it right. So, I put the dogs outside, cleaned up the mess, bagged up all my art shit that I’m not using and took it downstairs, disassembled the dining table and took it downstairs, and asked my mom to help me drag the sofa out to the garage. I also did some dishes.
I’m not currently artsy, too busy to find inspiration, so my art shit was just covering up my dining table, which in turn was just cluttering up my main floor. With those things out of the way I got to move the dog kennels around so that I’m not tripping over them.
The sofa and I have a love/hate relationship. I love having a sofa. I hate the accumulation of dog hair and generally how stained up it’s gotten over the years. I also hate the slip cover because to me it just looks tack as fuck. On top of that, I have the irritating habit of falling asleep on my sofa. It puts a crick in my neck and it’s a super bad habit… so I just gave in and decided it’s gotta go. Mothership is getting a dumpster when she’s off and that, the old dog chair, and some other furniture I’m purging is going in it. She will also be cleaning out her garage, so she’ll have stuff to put in it.
With my main floor mostly empty now, I feel better. I mean, I like to have things, but sometimes I clutter my own life, and it makes everything harder. I also took down a bunch of wall art that I’m just going to give to Good Will. The vampire girl Vaun gave me for my 20th birthday. The Reyes Coral Hotel sign that I held onto in hopes that I would one day reconcile with my dad. My first painting, which isn’t very good but not too bad. The butterfly pictures I stole from Vaun when he was redecorating his dad’s place.
My goal now is to get the main floor painted… Gonna do a blue-tinged white for a calming effect. After that, I wanna tackle the bathroom, then my bedroom, and I figure I can come back to the basement in the winter… ON DAY I WILL BE ABLE TO UTILIZE THE TWO ROOMS DOWN THERE!!! But I figure my current living space is more important.
I was going to try to do more in the evening, because I was exhausted by noon, but I had forgotten that Mothership and I were going to go see Culture Club. For the best, really. I probably wouldn’t have gotten anything done.
I love Boy George! And we were 2nd row from the stage… so like… bad ass seats. It was a great night out! Here are the outfits.
He looked amazing and sounded great. He’s so much fun. ^_^
The ride home was an irritation. Mom walks slow. Downtown Denver is a little shady right now, because we’ve had a rise in homeless population. I’m not saying all homeless people are dangerous, but there have been reports of interactions with them going south, recently. It’s just a thing… people keep moving here… including homeless people. I don’t know why, and I wish they’d stop. So, I had to get us back to a light rail station without her getting mugged… It was mostly fine, but I also started to get a migraine, and it makes me irritable, so I had to try and check my actual feelings and try to be upbeat.
The obnoxious white lights on the train didn’t help the migraine, and it was pretty much full blown when we got back to our station. I asked if Mothership wanted McDonald’s, since it was like 1130 and I knew she was hungry… she did… which was fine, except that it was the slowest service I’ve ever had in my life. Looked like they were short-staffed for the evening and got an unexpected rush. So we had to sit through that.
This morning I woke up and still had the migraine. It sucked. Took some Excedrin and just tried to get to work. Then when I got to work, everything went to hell.
I’m holding up oddly well for someone with bipolar and a migraine… Kinda sad, but I think I’ll make it through the day. Gotta talk to Sean about my role here, though. I’m not sure that the Finance people know how to utilize me, as much as they’re just wanting to train me to be a 3rd finance person.
Not sure how to handle that delicately…