Who Killed Laura Palmer?

I love Twin Peaks. If I’m honest, I even love the new Twin Peaks season. That’s why, when I heard David Lynch’s daughter wrote a book called The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer I definitely wanted to read it. Instead, I got the audio book, narrated by Sheryl Lee herself, the actress who played Laura Palmer all these years. I didn’t realize it was going to be such a dark descent into using sex to feel and drugs to not. It’s a very intense book. It’s crazy. Good, but crazy. I think the book bothers me because while I’m not being haunted by Evil Bob, I had something of sordid life involving sex… so it’s a little triggering.

With that, I’ve started seeing a talk shrink. I don’t know how it’s going to go, yet. I like her well enough for only having seen her once. She wants me to try DBT. I dunno that I want to try DBT. David 2 is in DBT. He thinks it’s great… but he also thinks he’s better, and I disagree. So. Unsure about that.

I had to stop taking the Ritalin. It gives me a headache and makes me nauseous. With that, I’ve noticed that my moods aren’t right. I emailed my med shrink to tell her. I dunno what she’ll do. I guess I have to wait.

Chris asked me to babysit again on Sunday. I agreed. I don’t really want to, but I’m trying to focus on what everyone else has said about it. It’s nice he trusts me with his kid. It’s nice she likes me. It means something. It means that he trusts me. Trust is the basis of a good relationship. I should value that. I like Addi, but I’m just not really big on kids, I guess. I ordered her some old movies for Christmas, to go with a pop up book I thought was pretty cool. Who doesn’t love The Brave Little Toaster or A Goofy Movie? I hope she likes them. If she doesn’t, all I can say is that I’m not great with kids. I worry my apathy towards kids is going to be a problem for Chris and I later. He’s going to notice. He’s going to feel personally attacked because he’s got two kids. We’ll fight. I’ll have my first real broken heart.

I know I should calm down and relax about it, because every love story is a tragedy if you wait long enough, but…. well, I guess I’m jealous. You see, we hooked up Rob and Amber, and that’s great, but I’m jealous of them. They’re both 31 with no kids and very few responsibilities. She’s at his house almost every single night. They’re so in love, in a sick and unhealthy obsessive kind of way. Chris has Addi. Chris has Brinley. Chris has massive crippling debt. Chris has a wife. There’s honestly a lot standing between us and the out of control sickening love that Rob and Amber have going on, and I’m jealous of that. I’ve never been in love before. Somehow it feels like I got jipped (for the record I tried to think of another word, because I hate using a word relating back to the oppression of the Romany people, but I just couldn’t think of one that conveyed what I’m trying to say) on the experience, since I’m having to make sacrifices for it. That’s the cost of falling in love for the first time so late in life, I guess.

I know it’s selfish. I know that I’m selfish for wishing things were different. I know when you love someone you’re not supposed to want them to be different, but if we’re honest I wish I’d met him before he’d had kids. We could have been crazy in love. Now we’re… tip-toeing around kids and his relationship with his wife. He wants to be her friend. She texted him last weekend, and she was having some kind of crisis and wanted all of his attention, and he didn’t give it to her, but it distressed him. He was still trying to figure out what to say the next morning, because he doesn’t know how to play it. He’s worried I’ll be jealous, and I am, but I’m not going to tell him that. He’s worried she’ll be mad he’s not giving her his attention, and she was BUT SHE HAS A LIVE IN BOYFRIEND SHE COULD TALK TO.

I guess my honeymoon phase with Chris is over. We’re entering the part where you have to make some decisions and sacrifices…. and I’m really not sure I want to make any of those. It’s gonna get real hard and weird…. and I’m not looking forward to that.

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Quality Time

This past weekend, I got Chris all to myself from Friday night to midday Sunday. It was SO NICE OMG.

As a rule, I try not to be a clingy girlfriend, but if we’re being honest I would spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week with this man. That’s new for me. Even with Grant, who is probably my best ex, I would get up early after he spent the night and make him leave. I don’t feel that way with Chris. It’s gross. I’m in love. That being said, this weekend was great.

Chris had the whole weekend off, but it had been a rough week for him, so when he arrived on Friday night I offered to buy dinner. We got Casa Gutierrez, which turned out to be pretty good Mexican, and watched some Daniel Sloss. Chris was in top form: by that, I mean he was so… up. I couldn’t help it, I asked if he’d considered that he might be bipolar. He just said yes. He was so happy, though. He was bouncy and wanted to snuggle, and we danced in the living room, and he was just so excited to be with me. It was really nice. He was happy to play Fluxx with me (lost Adventure Time & Batman, but owned him in Cthulhu Fluxx), and we went upstairs and played some N64 (which I super lost), and then we were watching Food Wars when I passed out. I hate when I pass out early, especially during Chris time, but he didn’t mind. He turned off Food Wars and we snuggled up and I slept really well…. until Frankie figured out how to escape the sleep kennel. My brain wakes me up when I hear Bdo feet. I rounded them up, though.

Saturday morning we snuggled a lot. I like snuggling him. Sue me. I had to run off to a hair cut at 10am with Mothership, and originally he was going to sleep while I was gone, but decided to run home. I was only gone for like two hours with Mothership, but she was acting hella weird. It dragged my mood way down for some reason. We got our hair cut, and then went to Torrid because she wanted some leggings, but she also bought me a really cute sweater. I offered to do something else with her, since we were out, but she just wanted to go home. I can’t exactly explain what was wrong, but it was just how she responded. She seemed annoyed, but I’m not sure that she really was. Anyways, I got home and my mood crashed, but I let Chris know I was home and sad. He came over hellbent on A, making me feel better, and 2, to take me on an adventure. He hugged me and showed me his box of N64 games, that are going to live at my house, now, so we can play. Then he decided we were going to Black & Read and pushed me out of the house.

I love Black & Read, but it’s way up north, so I don’t get up there that often. So we embarked on an adventure! It was especially an adventure because we had no idea how to get to Black & Read. In the car, I drove and Chris navigated. We played with Spotify and introduced each other to so good music. We sang. We laughed. I honestly loved just being in the car with him for like an hour. I just enjoy his company. Inside Black & Read was no different. We started together, pouring over the board games, talking about games we like, ones he has, ones we wanted, and just being mesmerized by the chaos setup of Black & Read. We picked up some “escape the room” card games to try, since I was having people over that night for board games, and then ended up splitting up to wander around. I scoured the books and reveled in the disarray of the Black & Read system (literally it’s STUFF EVERYWHERE vaguely sorted by games, books, or music, and then vaguely by genre). I found a couple of books (Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys & Blade Runner), and we met back up in the vinyl section, where I was debating buying some Jefferson Airplane.

By that point, it was mid-afternoon. We were hungry, but unfamiliar with the area. So… I checked the travel time and asked if he wanted Cajun. Chris always wants Cajun. So we loaded up and it only took about 30 minutes to get to Littleton. I took him to Nono’s… because of course I did. I didn’t think about it at the time, but we didn’t lack on conversation. It just… flowed. It usually does when we’re out and about. I love that about him. Afterwards, he’d googled how late this other game store I wanted to visit was open… and since it was open we loaded up and headed to The Gaming Goat. It’s a lovely store, complete with tables for playing the house games, of which there are MANY. And you don’t even have to rent the table. It’s first come first play, but they have plenty of room. And they let you bring your own food, etc. We looked at all their games, and I, in my infinite wisdom, bought yet another game called Apocrypha. It’s a really cool sounding game, though.

So we went home, and Rob & Amber flaked on game night, and Bird plain forgot… so instead we broke out Apocrypha and watched a tutorial on how to play, followed by us trying to figure out how to play. It was pretty fun. A little involved, but that’s the point. I ordered pizza pretty late, and even though he said he wasn’t hungry, he helped me half a pizza and half an order of meatballs that were crazy good. Then out of nowhere I decided we should watch Saw 3, because Saw is my favorite horror series, and he’s only see one and two. So we popped it in, but when they got to the part where the doctor has to cut open John’s skull…. Chris bitched out. Which I gave him shit for. I then reassured him that I can watch my torture porn by myself, and he doesn’t have to watch it with me. In response, we went upstairs and were going to watch something funny, but ended up just making out a lot and forgot about TV… and… ya know…

In the morning, Chris offered to go buy stuff for breakfast and I offered to cook it. I made him chorizo cheese grits with eggs, while he watched and asked questions about how to cook stuff. I like teaching him things. He doesn’t historically like grits… but it’s my favorite breakfast, so he tried mine. The difference is, mine are hella fucking thick… and he loved them! He ate more than I did. It was impressive. Then we just hung out for a while. He had to go pickup Addison in Brighton that afternoon, so we just snuggled up and watched some first episodes of some shows he was interested in. I was so happy.

Then he left… and I was going to do something with my afternoon, but I didn’t want to. I snapped him that I should have gone with him, and he said he was still at home if I wanted to come. So I did.I knew I should stay home and clean something or prepare for the week, but I just didn’t want to…

We left immediately, and it’s a long drive to Brighton, so we played with Spotify some more. It was fun! I was nervous, though. I was now showing up unannounced, and while Chris was obviously good with it, I dunno how the ex felt about it. The ex didn’t seem to mind, but she looked frazzled in general. She was fighting with Addi when they arrived, and I got the feeling that it was more or less an all weekend thing. I dunno, obviously, but I’ve seen many a frazzled mother. This wasn’t just “it was a long drive with a 5 year old” frazzled. But she said hello to me, hugged Chris (they’re trying to be friends), and passed Addi off.

What’s interesting is that I could SEE Addi fighting with her mom when they pulled up, but she got out of the car, caught sight of me, got in Chris’ car and proceeded to be calm, and even polite. My mom thinks that might be because I was there, since I seem to have a different relationship with her than other adults. Addison and I don’t have a long relationship, but the time we’ve spent together has had two things: clear boundaries and clear communication. I’ve setup a strong expectation of behavior since I started spending time with her and Chris, and that expectation is that if she’s well behaved we can have a lot of fun, as well as that if she throws a tantrum I don’t want to be around her anymore. I don’t know how accurate that inference is… maybe she changed because I was there and maybe not, but it was nice that she calmed down.

So, I thought after this we were going home, but I was wrong.

Chris has been trying to get me to go to dinner with his parents for a couple weeks now, so seeing his chance to force me into it by having driven us to Brighton, he then headed for Lakewood. We got to White Fence Farm and the place is a sensory overload. There were so many people, the wait time is 3 hours for a table, no reservations accepted, plus it’s part amusement park…. kind of like a Farm version of Casa Bonita. It was chaos, and Addi was not great at sitting still, so my stress went way up, but then we left. Chris got a table number, and when he was told there was such a long wait, he googled something else for us to do.

Much to my surprise, he took us to a 2nd & Charles. That was a great idea! Except that I spent money. He has to stop taking me to stores that want my money. He let Addi go mess around in kids books and toys while we looked at sci-fi and fantasy novels, and I picked up some books I definitely didn’t need. Addi came and found us with a basket filled to the brim with toys… and I had to laugh. She’d picked up two or three of things so she could give one to Isis (ex’s bf’s daughter) or her friend at school or her sister. Chris made her put everything back, but bought her a neon Freddy Fazzbear, since she’s obsessed with Five Nights At Freddy’s. I told her that if she found a book she liked I’d buy it for her, and she came back with three. If kids’ books weren’t so pricey I’d have gotten her all three… but instead I told her to pick one, which she did and put the rest back.  It was just nice to hang out with them in such a… me-friendly setting. We even found a table where we could play some games and taught Addi to play checkers. Then we loaded up and met his parents for dinner.

Kids are strange creatures. We met up with Chris’ parents at White Fence Farm and Addi turned into something of a brat. She seems to like her grandparents but she can flip on Chris’ dad in a heartbeat. I think she doesn’t like how he teases her, in that way that old men tease small girls. He threatened to toss her neon Freddy into a nearby fountain… at which point Chris did intervene and ask why his dad would continue to tease her knowing she was going to scream about it… which she did, and Chris had to haul her off for a conversation about behaving in public.

Dinner was great. I dunno how White Fence Farm has been operating in the red with that good chicken dinner they have. Crispy but fall off the bone tender… hard to do, but so tasty. Conversation with the parents was… good. I had a nice time, but I’m so fucking awkward. Chris was ever his reassuring self, though. We got through it. They did pick at Addi about eating, though. Chris, once again to his credit, told them to leave her alone. I really appreciate that he sticks up for his kid, especially when it’s an issue that he took my advice on how to resolve.

On the way home he and I played with Spotify while Addi played with her tablet. I just wallowed in the nice feeling of having had him for a whole weekend, and how I didn’t get sick of him or irritated with him once. That’s so rare for me. I’m a very lucky girl.

I’m so not used to being in love… but I like it more and more on the daily.

Thxgiving, Kids, Cancer, Love, and I

Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was, as usual, pretty uneventful. Mothership and I ate some shrimp, saw Bohemian Rhapsody, and watched Eli Roth’s History of Horror. No, I did nothing with the boyfriend this year. We agreed that next year we’d try to weave each other into our holiday plans. We’ve only been together since August, you know. Three months does not justify holiday chaos. He agreed.

Chris took Addi up to her mom’s, and he spent Thanksgiving with them. People make weird faces when I say that he spent Thanksgiving with his ex, her family, and her boyfriend and his kids, but personally I find it nice that they get along and can spend holidays together for the sake of Addi. They might be exes but if they can stay friends Addi’s family won’t have broken up, it will have just gotten bigger. I wish that for them all.

I took some time off before Thanksgiving and spent some time with Chris and Addi. We took her to Mile High Comics, the big one in bumfuk nowhere, and while it wasn’t ALL pleasant, I think it was productive. You see, I’m still figuring out how to interact with Addi. I’ve seen how other interact with her, and kids her age, and I think it’s dumb. So, when we picked her up from school and she was in a mood… I mocked her whining, which made her cry and pout. Chris was fine with this. We let her cool off and she wanted Waffle House. We weren’t sure how to get to Waffle House on the way to the comic store, and she wanted to throw a fit about it…

Let it be known that I am not a parent. I would never tell someone how to raise a kid, because I don’t know how to raise a kid.

That being said, I was NOT fucking having it, for reasons I’ll get to.
I spun around in the seat and told her to stop. I didn’t yell. I didn’t threaten. I didn’t even tell her that if she didn’t stop that she wouldn’t get what she wanted. I just told her to stop, since we were TRYING TO DO SOMETHING FUN FOR HER, and that if she wanted to make pouty faces she could do it while looking down because I didn’t want to see it.

And you know what? She stopped.

We went to Waffle House and she was fine. We went to the comic shop and she was fine. We went to 2nd & Charles and she was fine. Any time she tried to make that high pitched whining noise I just said, “Hey, we talked about that noise.” She was great the rest of the day, for a 5 year old. It’s like no one had told her to stop before. It was crazy. We didn’t find any comics for her, but at 2nd & Charles I bought her the three Five Nights at Freddy’s novels. My hope was that since she wants someone to read them to her, maybe she’ll want to read.

The next night we went to dinner with Chris’ mom and Addi. I don’t like eating with Addi because the adults in her life have made food “a thing.” As a former (current) person with an eating disorder, I dislike when people make food “a thing.” So we’re at this restaurant and they get an appetizer and they expect her to eat some. They get a salad and they expect her to eat some. Then her food comes, and she’s five, and she’s not hungry because she had appetizer and salad. Your stomach is the size of your fist… she’s five: she’s got a small fist. You can’t expect her to eat a ton. Not all kids do. So, she’s fidgety and she drops her drink, and Chris wants to get mad, and I just couldn’t help it… I told him to calm down. He did. There was no scene, no reprimands, and no tears.

So they were trying to get her to eat, but then they went to get desserts. While they were gone I talked to Addi. I asked if she knew how to twirl her spaghetti. She was excited to show me, especially when I attempted to do it with penne (which you can’t, obvi). Then I was like, wow, that’s so much food…. you can’t really fit that in your mouth can you? Of course she could, and she was excited to show me that, too. She was bored! It was obvious. I get the feeling she doesn’t get treated like a part of the group very often… I’m going to work on that with her.

When we got back to their place Addi was excited to show me her room and how clean it was. Then she was excited for me to read Five Nights at Freddy’s to her. It was adorable. I had a coughing fit and Chris had to take over. Aside from that Addi asked when she can meet my monsters (dogs) and I told her it depended. She would have to prove to me that she won’t make that high pitched whining noise, because Kira hasn’t been around kids and I dunno what she’ll do with that. I don’t want Addi to get hurt. She said she’d work on not doing that.

I call the weekend a win, overall. I don’t think I interact with kids the way other people interact with kids, though. I kind of just treat them like adults… but also account for age. She’s 5, she’s not an idiot. She has thoughts and opinions and social needs. She can be reasoned with and explained to if you take the time. I’m working on showing Chris how I would interact with his kid. A, I want him to know in case I need to babysit, but 2, my big thing is not to make stuff “things.” We got pizza one night and she wanted to throw a fit over mushrooms… I literally snapped my fingers at her and went, “Hey… just pick them off. Pick your battles, kid.” And she did and things were fine. I’m no expert on kids, but I do think that the less “things” in kids’ lives, the more adjusted they’ll grow up to be.

The reason I finally snapped at Addi, by the way, is because just a little while before we picked her up from school, I got a phone call informing me that my cervical biopsy revealed per-cancerous cells. They wanted to do a LEEP procedure, which entails essentially carving out the part of my cervix that has the cells. It sounds painful because it will be. I lost it. I started crying at this woman on the phone about how my reproductive system has been trying to kill me since I was 12, and how I refuse to have to do this every single year for the rest of my life when the cervical biopsy hurt so much already, and the dysphoria about the whole thing…

I got lucky the woman I was talking to was someone who had a hysterectomy already. She was very kind. She ran off to NP Slaughter and consulted with her, and NP Slaughter, refreshed on my history, decided I should have a consult with a doctor. We postponed the LEEP procedure until after my consult with a doctor, who will discuss all my options, including a preventative hysterectomy. I will probably still have to have a LEEP, to see what’s in my uterus and determine how best to remove it, just in case it’s something that could break up and spread to the inside of my abdomen. I’m not thrilled.

I spent a lot of time on the phone with my mom crying about it all, and trying to deal with how scared and anxious I am over it…. but the consult is in late December, so I chose to put off worrying until then. I just pushed it down into a little ball that will probably give me cancer… hopefully not new cancer, though. Let’s stick to organs I can remove.

I thought I pushed it down, anyways. I put it out of my mind as much as I can. Aside from snapping back at Addi, though… I’ve had… symptoms of stress. My lips are raw meat from chewing on them. My picking habit is out of control. I’m binging or not eating at all. Little things can get under my skin and throw me into a completely inappropriate rage. I pushed it down, but the anxiety isn’t gone. I probably think about it several times a day… and just try not to acknowledge it. So today I bit the metaphorical bullet and scheduled a talk therapy session.

It’s so hard to pry apart what’s being caused by new medications and what’s just a response to stress… I thought if I could get in with someone now, I could be sure to have an appointment lined up after my consult… cuz no matter what, that’s gonna be a bad time. So… working on that self care, I guess.

Chris has been really great about this whole cervical cancer thing, too. He doesn’t “get it” but he’s there if I need him. That’s really all you can ask for.

In unrelated, happier news, I played matchmaker and found someone a match. A month ago I hooked up Chris’ friend Rob with my friend Amber. I dunno Amber well, but she’s awkward and best friends with Robot Boy, so I guessed she might like Rob. Holy hell was I correct. They are attached to each other like crazy glue. She started by spending four days there, only coming up for air when she had to go to work. She did Thanksgiving with his family. They’re thinking about moving her in. I mean, I thought Chris and I moved fast, but damn. Still, I’m happy for them and I’m happy that I brought them together.

Their speed kind of made me question where Chris and I are… but it’s two very different scenarios. Chris and I are happy. Rob and Amber are happy. They don’t have to be the same happiness to be happiness. Chris and I have things to consider that Rob and Amber don’t. Kids, finances, wives… but we’re fine where we are. Conversely, I always think Bird and her man should be “farther along” since they’ve dated on and off for like 10 years, but they’re not. And they’re happy. So… why argue with that?

Speaking of Bird, this past weekend we went to a concert for Spiral Cell and Nordic Daughter, followed by playing Mario Party at my house. It was a blast! I lost so hard… but it was so much fun. The next night I made Chris dinner and we watched comedy specials. It was really nice. I loved our weekend. I love us. I love being happy. I do not love that he takes his steak medium, though… I’m a rare girl, and I’ve never cooked a medium steak… so I totally ended up with well done… but the potatoes and asparagus were good. Lol.

Anyways. That’s all for me. And really… that’s enough.

He’s The Best

Chris is the best.

Last night, amidst my emotional typhoon of panic and sadness, Chris came over, like I asked him to. Addi went to Greeley for trick or treating with her mom, since Chris worked late, so he was all mine.

He showed up with two cans of coke, a chocolate bundt cake, and my present. He got me Mario Party, Mario Party 2, and a Beetle Racing game all for N64… because I LOVE N64. Not only that, but he said there’s still a book on the way, too. It was super sweet.

Since I felt weird we didn’t do very much. We watched some YouTube, then went upstairs and put on The Cell, cuz Chris hasn’t seen it. I… fell asleep. But he didn’t mind. He shut everything off and it was cool.

Int he morning I apologized for falling asleep… but Chris likes doing nothing with me. And I love that.

Anyways… it was a lovely evening… and now I have to move the gaming consoles upstairs so I can kick his ass at N64 games. Lol.

A Magic (TG) Weekend

It’s been so long since I dated that I have forgotten WHEN THE FUCKING ANXIETY GOES AWAY, but I hope it’s soon.

I had a wonderful weekend. It was full of Chris.

Chris had plans to be at a Magic the Gathering tournament Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with his best friend Rob and his friend from out of state, John. His other plans were to see me in the evening.

So, Friday night after the tournament he came over and we went to see 90% Nineties, because I just wanted to get out. I’d had a terrible week: auditors and phones going down and HR problems and employee chaos, oh my. I guess that’s why I ended up drinking too much. I kept apologizing, to which he just replied I deserved to have some fun. We hung out. We played some cards. Bird & Dom came and hung out. We danced. It was a good time. Then he drove me home. I challenged him to Snowboard Kids 2 on N64, and totally kicked his ass. He got stuck. It was great.

Saturday I mostly slept off the hangover, and then hung out with Mom. We had to catch up on some TV. Saturday night, we hung out with Rob and John. I really like Chris’ friends. They’re interesting and fun, and I got to harass Rob about talking to my friend Amber. John is weird, in the sense he reminds me exactly of my friend Lo, except with a beard. They look the same, talk the same, and even move their mouths similarly. It’s fascinating. But we had a good time, played some board games, ate some Chinese. Then they wanted to play a new game, and for some reason we played King’s Cup. No one drank the cup, because we didn’t finish the game. Chris got tired and he was gonna fall asleep on Rob’s sofa, which we’d have to share with John, so I loaded him up and took him home. We were up a while after that, though. We were watching Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2, and laughing, and talking, and generally having a nice time just enjoying each other.

Sunday morning was nice. I got up and let the dogs out, and then I read for a while. I let him sleep till about 1130, and then he got up and went to cash in his prize tickets for the tournament. He saw more of Rob and John while I did NOTHING. I love doing nothing. Lol. Later he came back and we ate Indian food while watching The Haunting of Hill House on Netflix. It was a lovely time, really.

Chris came over last night, too. We were being flirty via text and he came over, and while we had a nice sexy time, we also talked about the fact that sometimes our minds wander. I told him that’s okay, and that sex is not the best part of our relationship. He agreed. It was awkward to talk about, but it was nice to kind of get it out there. I’m so used to being the only one that’s got that kind of prob. It’s nice to commiserate. Then we just hung out until he had to leave and go back to his dad life.

It was nice. I like nice.

Zombie Crawl

Okay, let’s backup to Wednesday.

Wednesday I went to dinner with Chris and Addi. We didn’t do anything fancy, just Panda Express, but I had a hard month-end and it was nice to see my boyfriend. Chris makes me incredibly nervous with his daughter, though. Like at Panda Express he let her go pick a table while we checked out. I kept my eyes glued to her, and he just nonchalantly paid and stuff like it was no big deal. Granted the whole place only allows her to be like 50 ft from us at any time, I just never let a kid in my care go do stuff like that before. Especially at 5. Aside from that, Addi doesn’t like to eat. She only wanted white rice, and she didn’t want to eat much of that, either. I guess it’s a common thing with her.

When she decided to show me the food in her mouth, I couldn’t help it… I told her that her dad might spank her, but if she showed me food in her mouth again I was going to drag her off and feed her to one of my monsters. Now… this was not the best idea I’ve ever had, but Chris backed me up on being a witch with a slew of monsters at home.

After dinner, Chris texted how sorry he was that Addi isn’t a great diner. I told him the truth: Addi is a 5 year old whose parents split up this year. Both parents have new love interests and her whole life got up-ended in about 6 months. She’s going to act out. But all things considered, she’s fine. To ease his mind I suggested we do dinner with Addi every Wednesday, so she can get to know me and practice eating in different kinds of restaurants. He appreciated that.

Thursday I wasn’t supposed to see Chris, but he had a really bad day at work. He seems to be the kind of person who wants to have a purpose in life, above him raising kids. While I support that, I’m not really that kind of person. I’m just sliding through life, but I’m good in times of panic. So he had a panic attack at work, and I talked him down, and then that evening I offered to buy him dinner or something so he could just relax. I ended up buying him frozen custard from Good Times, and we sat in a shady parking lot and ate it and talked like teenagers. Turns out Chris, like me, eats when stressed. Also, he stops eating when it gets too hard. Noted. I reminded him that he might not like where his life is, but that his life isn’t awful. He’s treading water, and he should give himself a break. It’s been a hard year for him. He listened to me, and I think he felt better by the time he went home.

Friday I went to Chris’ place to watch Batman vs Jack the Ripper (Gotham by Gaslight). It was weird, but mostly I just enjoyed hanging out with him. That’s… the big thing I’m a fan of. Lol.

Saturday was Zombie Crawl. We took Addi. So we took the train down, because Addi loves the train, and who really wants to drive and park in downtown Denver? So we get downtown, and I took this adorable picture.

ZombieCrawl

Daddy-Daughter Day

When we found the zombies, Addi decided she was into being dead, but not bloody. So we did some dead but not bloody makeup. I was slightly disappointed. I am good at blood. Oh well. Maybe next year. We wandered around and I took lots of pictures. Then we had pizza and zipped home.

Chris was supposed to come over, but decided against it when he discovered he opened the next day, so I decided to go to bed…. but could not.

My mother ventured to our work’s Oktoberfest event. My coworker promised she’d get her back to her car, but at 9pm my “always home before she turns into a pumpkin” mother was not home. So… come to find out that true to form, everyone at the party got hammered. My coworker conned her friend into driving my mom back to her car instead of letting her take the train or Lyft. Then his car overheated. Then they finally made it back. Mom got home around 11.

It turns out that a whole lot of shit went down with my drunk ass coworker. I’m no gossip… so I’m not gonna repeat the hearsay I definitely heard, but damn it’s juicy shit. OH MAN. That tea so good. You don’t even know. But, that’s exactly why I don’t go to the parties. I have no desire to get wrecked and lose credibility with my coworkers or bosses. I was much happier at home.

Last night Chris came over after work and we finished Hereditary. Then we watched Irish people drink bourbon and several other random YouTubes, because unlike me, somethings still creep Chris out. It was a pretty uneventful evening, except for one thing… we were going to sleep and were fooling around when Chris goes “I want to stop.” So, of course we stop, and I’m like, “are you okay?” And he proceeds to tell me how he was panicking because he thought he was telepathic for a minute. That boy can’t hold his MK Ultra… but who can? Lol. So adorable.

This weekend Chris has a Magic tournament, but maybe I’ll get him to see HellFest or Venom with me. 😛

Already looking forward to the weekend.

But not Wednesday. I have to get a pap smear Wednesday. Not excited.

Beer Fest

 

 

 

 

 

So Friday night I went to dinner with Cat. We got tacos, and margaritas, and then went to Movie Tavern for more drinks, and then we saw Army of Darkness with Robyn. It was even worse than I remembered… but it was a good time!

Saturday, was beer fest day, but first Chris and I went to breakfast at Le Peep. I was slightly hungover and he was really nice about it. Afterward, we had to kill some time before an appointment he had, so we went to the park. I always forget how good of a workout swinging is. We just hung out on the swings. I tried to get him on the merry-go-round, but he didn’t fall for it. Afterwards, we took this ridiculous selfie and went off to his appointment. It took like 5 minutes, and then we had time to kill before we headed downtown.

So, we took a nap before going to his friend Rob’s place. Rob got tickets to the Great American Beer Festival, for his family, but I guess they bailed on him. So, he asked Chris if he wanted to go. I presume that’s when Chris asked if I wanted to go with them. I was obviously nervous, since this was the first time I was meeting one of Chris’ friends. Turns out, though… Rob’s a cool dude. He hadn’t been to the beer fest before, either, but he knew people made pretzel necklaces for it. So we made some while we rode the train down to the festival.

20180922_1751292977867474436706085.jpgSo the way it worked was you got a 1 oz glass, and your ticket gets you in to taste ALL THE BEER. Over 400 brewers, at 2-6 flavors a stall… we drank for like 3 hours. Here is my favorite booth we saw. They had syper cool buttons for their beers. I got one of each… because I’m THAT guy. We went to the Fiction booth, and I made them try Madame Psychosis. We tried some great IPAs. The boys had a peanut butter porter that sounds gross to me, but they seemed to like it. We just walked around and had a genuinely good time. Next year we need a plan, though. We kept trying to find selections that were tapped out, and we walked the floor back and forth several times, because we didn’t go in alphabetical order or with any real direction. Lol.

I, being slightly allergic to wheat, stopped drinking about an hour before the boys did. We got a plate of tacos, I followed them all over the floor several times. The end was hard. My beer drunk faded off, and my heels hurt, and my knee hurt, and I had a headache from drinking beer I shouldn’t have, and I was tired… but I kept up and didn’t let on until we got home.

I drove Chris’ Jeep back to my place, as I’d sobered up, and we went upstairs. We watched an episode of The Orville, and then Regular Show, and then decided to go to sleep. I mention all of that because I am continually surprised at how delighted I am to do such mundane things with Chris. I just like being with him. It’s a feeling I’ve never been conscious of knowing. I know I just enjoyed being around people before, but never so strongly, and I’ve never been so aware of it.

I was sad he had to get up and go to work, but I had a pretty good day. I wasn’t hungover, so that was good. I watched American Horror Story with mom, and we had lunch. Frankie and Bdo hung out with her for the evening, so it was exciting that Frankie was all excited to see me today. I love Frankie. I love Bdo, too, but when I went to bring them home he tried to bite me… because that’s Bdo. We came home and took a nap. And I’ve just been hanging out since then.

I’m not looking forward to tomorrow…. work… and Mom isn’t back until Wednesday… but it’s been such a nice weekend… so I guess it’s fine… Lol. I’d rather spend it staring into Chris’ eyes… like the in-love-psycho I am.