A Magic (TG) Weekend

It’s been so long since I dated that I have forgotten WHEN THE FUCKING ANXIETY GOES AWAY, but I hope it’s soon.

I had a wonderful weekend. It was full of Chris.

Chris had plans to be at a Magic the Gathering tournament Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with his best friend Rob and his friend from out of state, John. His other plans were to see me in the evening.

So, Friday night after the tournament he came over and we went to see 90% Nineties, because I just wanted to get out. I’d had a terrible week: auditors and phones going down and HR problems and employee chaos, oh my. I guess that’s why I ended up drinking too much. I kept apologizing, to which he just replied I deserved to have some fun. We hung out. We played some cards. Bird & Dom came and hung out. We danced. It was a good time. Then he drove me home. I challenged him to Snowboard Kids 2 on N64, and totally kicked his ass. He got stuck. It was great.

Saturday I mostly slept off the hangover, and then hung out with Mom. We had to catch up on some TV. Saturday night, we hung out with Rob and John. I really like Chris’ friends. They’re interesting and fun, and I got to harass Rob about talking to my friend Amber. John is weird, in the sense he reminds me exactly of my friend Lo, except with a beard. They look the same, talk the same, and even move their mouths similarly. It’s fascinating. But we had a good time, played some board games, ate some Chinese. Then they wanted to play a new game, and for some reason we played King’s Cup. No one drank the cup, because we didn’t finish the game. Chris got tired and he was gonna fall asleep on Rob’s sofa, which we’d have to share with John, so I loaded him up and took him home. We were up a while after that, though. We were watching Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2, and laughing, and talking, and generally having a nice time just enjoying each other.

Sunday morning was nice. I got up and let the dogs out, and then I read for a while. I let him sleep till about 1130, and then he got up and went to cash in his prize tickets for the tournament. He saw more of Rob and John while I did NOTHING. I love doing nothing. Lol. Later he came back and we ate Indian food while watching The Haunting of Hill House on Netflix. It was a lovely time, really.

Chris came over last night, too. We were being flirty via text and he came over, and while we had a nice sexy time, we also talked about the fact that sometimes our minds wander. I told him that’s okay, and that sex is not the best part of our relationship. He agreed. It was awkward to talk about, but it was nice to kind of get it out there. I’m so used to being the only one that’s got that kind of prob. It’s nice to commiserate. Then we just hung out until he had to leave and go back to his dad life.

It was nice. I like nice.

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Zombie Crawl

Okay, let’s backup to Wednesday.

Wednesday I went to dinner with Chris and Addi. We didn’t do anything fancy, just Panda Express, but I had a hard month-end and it was nice to see my boyfriend. Chris makes me incredibly nervous with his daughter, though. Like at Panda Express he let her go pick a table while we checked out. I kept my eyes glued to her, and he just nonchalantly paid and stuff like it was no big deal. Granted the whole place only allows her to be like 50 ft from us at any time, I just never let a kid in my care go do stuff like that before. Especially at 5. Aside from that, Addi doesn’t like to eat. She only wanted white rice, and she didn’t want to eat much of that, either. I guess it’s a common thing with her.

When she decided to show me the food in her mouth, I couldn’t help it… I told her that her dad might spank her, but if she showed me food in her mouth again I was going to drag her off and feed her to one of my monsters. Now… this was not the best idea I’ve ever had, but Chris backed me up on being a witch with a slew of monsters at home.

After dinner, Chris texted how sorry he was that Addi isn’t a great diner. I told him the truth: Addi is a 5 year old whose parents split up this year. Both parents have new love interests and her whole life got up-ended in about 6 months. She’s going to act out. But all things considered, she’s fine. To ease his mind I suggested we do dinner with Addi every Wednesday, so she can get to know me and practice eating in different kinds of restaurants. He appreciated that.

Thursday I wasn’t supposed to see Chris, but he had a really bad day at work. He seems to be the kind of person who wants to have a purpose in life, above him raising kids. While I support that, I’m not really that kind of person. I’m just sliding through life, but I’m good in times of panic. So he had a panic attack at work, and I talked him down, and then that evening I offered to buy him dinner or something so he could just relax. I ended up buying him frozen custard from Good Times, and we sat in a shady parking lot and ate it and talked like teenagers. Turns out Chris, like me, eats when stressed. Also, he stops eating when it gets too hard. Noted. I reminded him that he might not like where his life is, but that his life isn’t awful. He’s treading water, and he should give himself a break. It’s been a hard year for him. He listened to me, and I think he felt better by the time he went home.

Friday I went to Chris’ place to watch Batman vs Jack the Ripper (Gotham by Gaslight). It was weird, but mostly I just enjoyed hanging out with him. That’s… the big thing I’m a fan of. Lol.

Saturday was Zombie Crawl. We took Addi. So we took the train down, because Addi loves the train, and who really wants to drive and park in downtown Denver? So we get downtown, and I took this adorable picture.

ZombieCrawl

Daddy-Daughter Day

When we found the zombies, Addi decided she was into being dead, but not bloody. So we did some dead but not bloody makeup. I was slightly disappointed. I am good at blood. Oh well. Maybe next year. We wandered around and I took lots of pictures. Then we had pizza and zipped home.

Chris was supposed to come over, but decided against it when he discovered he opened the next day, so I decided to go to bed…. but could not.

My mother ventured to our work’s Oktoberfest event. My coworker promised she’d get her back to her car, but at 9pm my “always home before she turns into a pumpkin” mother was not home. So… come to find out that true to form, everyone at the party got hammered. My coworker conned her friend into driving my mom back to her car instead of letting her take the train or Lyft. Then his car overheated. Then they finally made it back. Mom got home around 11.

It turns out that a whole lot of shit went down with my drunk ass coworker. I’m no gossip… so I’m not gonna repeat the hearsay I definitely heard, but damn it’s juicy shit. OH MAN. That tea so good. You don’t even know. But, that’s exactly why I don’t go to the parties. I have no desire to get wrecked and lose credibility with my coworkers or bosses. I was much happier at home.

Last night Chris came over after work and we finished Hereditary. Then we watched Irish people drink bourbon and several other random YouTubes, because unlike me, somethings still creep Chris out. It was a pretty uneventful evening, except for one thing… we were going to sleep and were fooling around when Chris goes “I want to stop.” So, of course we stop, and I’m like, “are you okay?” And he proceeds to tell me how he was panicking because he thought he was telepathic for a minute. That boy can’t hold his MK Ultra… but who can? Lol. So adorable.

This weekend Chris has a Magic tournament, but maybe I’ll get him to see HellFest or Venom with me. 😛

Already looking forward to the weekend.

But not Wednesday. I have to get a pap smear Wednesday. Not excited.

Beer Fest

 

 

 

 

 

So Friday night I went to dinner with Cat. We got tacos, and margaritas, and then went to Movie Tavern for more drinks, and then we saw Army of Darkness with Robyn. It was even worse than I remembered… but it was a good time!

Saturday, was beer fest day, but first Chris and I went to breakfast at Le Peep. I was slightly hungover and he was really nice about it. Afterward, we had to kill some time before an appointment he had, so we went to the park. I always forget how good of a workout swinging is. We just hung out on the swings. I tried to get him on the merry-go-round, but he didn’t fall for it. Afterwards, we took this ridiculous selfie and went off to his appointment. It took like 5 minutes, and then we had time to kill before we headed downtown.

So, we took a nap before going to his friend Rob’s place. Rob got tickets to the Great American Beer Festival, for his family, but I guess they bailed on him. So, he asked Chris if he wanted to go. I presume that’s when Chris asked if I wanted to go with them. I was obviously nervous, since this was the first time I was meeting one of Chris’ friends. Turns out, though… Rob’s a cool dude. He hadn’t been to the beer fest before, either, but he knew people made pretzel necklaces for it. So we made some while we rode the train down to the festival.

20180922_1751292977867474436706085.jpgSo the way it worked was you got a 1 oz glass, and your ticket gets you in to taste ALL THE BEER. Over 400 brewers, at 2-6 flavors a stall… we drank for like 3 hours. Here is my favorite booth we saw. They had syper cool buttons for their beers. I got one of each… because I’m THAT guy. We went to the Fiction booth, and I made them try Madame Psychosis. We tried some great IPAs. The boys had a peanut butter porter that sounds gross to me, but they seemed to like it. We just walked around and had a genuinely good time. Next year we need a plan, though. We kept trying to find selections that were tapped out, and we walked the floor back and forth several times, because we didn’t go in alphabetical order or with any real direction. Lol.

I, being slightly allergic to wheat, stopped drinking about an hour before the boys did. We got a plate of tacos, I followed them all over the floor several times. The end was hard. My beer drunk faded off, and my heels hurt, and my knee hurt, and I had a headache from drinking beer I shouldn’t have, and I was tired… but I kept up and didn’t let on until we got home.

I drove Chris’ Jeep back to my place, as I’d sobered up, and we went upstairs. We watched an episode of The Orville, and then Regular Show, and then decided to go to sleep. I mention all of that because I am continually surprised at how delighted I am to do such mundane things with Chris. I just like being with him. It’s a feeling I’ve never been conscious of knowing. I know I just enjoyed being around people before, but never so strongly, and I’ve never been so aware of it.

I was sad he had to get up and go to work, but I had a pretty good day. I wasn’t hungover, so that was good. I watched American Horror Story with mom, and we had lunch. Frankie and Bdo hung out with her for the evening, so it was exciting that Frankie was all excited to see me today. I love Frankie. I love Bdo, too, but when I went to bring them home he tried to bite me… because that’s Bdo. We came home and took a nap. And I’ve just been hanging out since then.

I’m not looking forward to tomorrow…. work… and Mom isn’t back until Wednesday… but it’s been such a nice weekend… so I guess it’s fine… Lol. I’d rather spend it staring into Chris’ eyes… like the in-love-psycho I am.

Apparently *WE* are in love…

Chris came over last night. He didn’t stay, but he came over… because he likes me, I guess. So we were watching Adventure Time and staring deep into each other’s eyes, as we do to waste a significant amount of time, cuz we’re gross like that, and it was determined that we’re just gonna admit we’re in love.

Now, I’ve been low-key telling him I’m kind of in love with him for like a month… but it’s so nice to know it’s reciprocated. Like… I have warm gushy feelings about it. Which is weird, cuz I don’t fall in love. I’m an aromantic. This is all weird… but like… I’m so in love.

He even reassured me that if I think I’m acting needy I’m super not, and that he loves spending time with me, but also that it’s great he doesn’t feel like he HAS to. I guess the ex didn’t have friends she went out and did stuff with, so he felt like he HAD to be there with her all the time.

Meanwhile, I’m going to dinner and seeing Army of Darkness with Cat and Bird tonight. So, yay me for having friend people. Also, we’re thinking of setting my friend Amber up with his friend Rob. So, that should be an adventure. 😛

Tomorrow I get to meet Rob. The three of us are going to the beer festival. It’s gonna be a long day… but hopefully super fun. I’m excited. Gotta try to be careful what beer I drink, since I’m kind of allergic to so many of them. But I’m excited.

In general… I’m just… excited and happy and…. well I’m in love. It’s neat.


In other news, I caved and scheduled a pap smear… but it’s because I want to talk to my doctor about voluntary sterilization. They have a new, less invasive procedure where they go in and put coils in your fallopian tubes that get covered in scar tissue and prevent eggs from being released. This sounds awful, but it’s better than a laparoscopic thing where they physically go in and tie you off…. So I wanted to look into that.

I’ve decided, and decided a while ago, that I don’t want my own kids. At 30, I’ll either find a dude with kids, like Chris, or I can become a foster and adopt kids. We don’t need to be spreading my horrible genetics all over creation.

An Aromantic In Love

My new relationship has made me question my identity.

I spent a lot of years figuring out my identity. I didn’t have much of one in high school, and it took a while to build one and figure myself out. It was a journey of self discovery that ended in my identification as aromantic and asexual. And even after I determined that was me, it still took a while after that to embrace what those meant and what I was admitting to.

This much time later, I find myself in love with someone I look forward to having sex with… and that’s caused me some emotional distress.

I was in love once, a long time ago, with a cis hetero woman that didn’t love me back. She was the only person I’ve been able to say that I was in love with… and even now there’s a lingering ache when I think about her. After that I was jaded. I dated, and I told people I loved them, but I was never IN love with anyone.

My six year stint of single life was fine. I enjoyed it. I was happy with it. My failed attempts at finding a significant other, or a sex partner, just proved to reinforce my aromantic and asexual nature. I grew to cherish that identity. I grew to love myself and who I was, even though it was a hard thing to try and explain to anyone.

And then I met Chris.

I don’t know that WE are in love, but I am in love with him… which is admittedly terrifying and weird. I think about him all the time. I’m excited to see. I’m excited when he texts me. My heart jumps when I’m around him. I treasure every moment spent holding his hand while he gazes into my eyes. I love when we get together and do something. I love when we get together and do nothing. Whether having outrageously fun sex or watching Gravity Falls, I’m just excited to be with him. I’m intentionally overlooking things I previously said would be total deal breakers. He’s financially shot, living with his parents, has two kids, and is still married… but I’m not in it for financial stability, and I love Addison, can’t wait to meet his older daughter, and I don’t really care if he’s married, so long as they’re very separated. And that… that just proves my point.

I’m in love.

I’m not saying I want to get a house together next month and plan a marriage… cuz I don’t want that. I don’t have room in my life for that kind of thing. I love him and his daughter, but my home life isn’t ready for someone to be here all the time. I never want to get married. I want a future, but I’m not planning a future.

It’s weird to be in love. It’s foreign to me, and it scares me terribly. Still, it’s so addicting. I just want him around. I wanna plan fun days for me and his daughter to bond over and shit. It’s a weird new feeling…. b

But at the end of the day… I’m still aromantic and I’m still asexual. I’m in love with Chris and I wanna fuck Chris… but I still don’t wanna fuck anyone else and I still don’t want my life to be a Nicholas Sparks novel. This relationship doesn’t invalidate my identity. It just means right now he’s my exception. I’m on the far end of the spectrums, but it doesn’t mean I’m devoid. It just means they have to be really special.

I’m sure the day will come when this falls apart and I’ll regret all these feelings… but for now I’m just so happy. And I hope that even if this all falls apart I can always hold on to how happy I am right now.

Puddle of Mudd with Saliva!!! (woo)

So let’s see. It’s been a week.
Not a lot happened during the week, but the weekend was fun.

Saturday I got my hair done. I changed it from teal to orange for autumn. I also whacked off the sides, so instead of a fade I just have the sides super crew cut short and it’s long and orange on top. Mom hated it, but I think it will grow on her.

I also got new glasses! Because I needed to see.

Orange

Sunday was an adventure.

So we’d already arranged for Chris to meet my mom at The Nun. Because what other way would you introduce parents to your boyfriend than at a horror movie? He was late, because he and his dad had to go get his sign from his shop. (It never occurred to me that people purchase those signs and then have to figure out what to do with them after the shop goes under.) So his dad dropped him off. He managed to say hello to Mom, but they didn’t get to like… interact that much.

The Nun, btw, wasn’t a BAD movie. It was disappointing only because I expected it to be as good as I felt The Conjuring and The Conjuring 2 were… It’s more of Annabelle territory… like… fun but not outstanding.

After that, he invited me to go meet HIS parents and have lunch.
So.
Let me preface this with, I was dressed in black, wearing skulls, with my new orange hair, and heavy eyeliner. Like I was dressed for a concert, not to meet my boyfriend’s Episcopal parents….

So his parents live in a nice neighborhood, on a nice block, in a nice house with kids playing in the street and green lawns everywhere. We walk in, and the first thing you’re greeted with is “Through God all things are possible…” on the wall right inside the doorway. I was aware there was a startling number of crosses in this house, but that was… odd… for me. Having just seen The Nun, I was already like, “This many crosses in one place definitely means there’s a demon here.”

crosses

Anyways, Addi pops out to say hello, and she’s 5, so she’s excited to see anyone and everyone. It was reassuring. She liked my hair.

So I’m looking around and this is one of those houses with like a sitting room, a dining room, and a living room. The sitting room is full of just… stuff. Like they have a floor, but every flat surface has papers or stuff sitting on it. Same with the formal dining table they don’t seem to use. We move to the living room and kitchen, and it’s much the same. There’s just… stuff. Toys, which were expected, but also the kitchen counter was overloaded with stuff. There was nowhere to like… cut things. The tops of the cabinets were covered in roosters and chickens (which I later found out his mom collects). The table in the kitchen, because this house is big enough for that kind of thing, was also pretty much fully covered in papers and stuff. THERE WAS SO MUCH STUFF.

So that’s when it hits me.

I’ve been agonizing and torturing myself over the state of my home, now that I have someone to invite into it. He never cared. I found that odd. NOW IT FUCKING MAKES SENSE.

Honestly, it’s nice to see a home that looks lived in. I’m so used to people taking me to meet their parents and their house looks like some kind of show home. But like… it also took the pressure off. Do I want my house cleaner? Of course I do… but like, not for Chris. Now I don’t have to worry so much when he comes over that he’s judging me.

Anyways…
Lunch was weird. I didn’t really like it but I ate it. They took Hawaiian rolls, basted them with mayo, dijon mustard, sesame seeds, and then put ham on it and put it in the oven… I would have skipped the mayo, and added cheddar or something… Like, I dunno, it just wasn’t my thing, but I ate it because I like Chris and I wasn’t about to scoff at food his mother made.

Then we hung out for a while. His mom watched the football game, his dad was outside doing something with the lawn mower, and I played with Chris and Addi till it was time to go let my dogs out.

We were going to a concert, you see. I bought us tickets to see my friends in Scarlet Canary open for Saliva and Puddle of Mudd. We ended up having a lot of fun, after I overheated, almost passed out, had to go throw up, and ended up running into a coworker who let us sit at their table under a fan. If we go back to Herman’s for a big event, we will be buying a table. It’s worth the money. Plus both Chris and I aren’t good at standing. I guess he’s got angry knees, and between my shite heels and knee missing a ligament, we just need to accept that we’re old. Lol.

I wanted to introduce him to Hannah straight off, because how cool is it that I have my own personal Joan Jett? But she was so busy we didn’t manage to get to intros till the headliner, Puddle of Mudd, was up there. She was excited to meet the guy that got through all my off-putting bullshit. Lol. I was incredibly flattered that she was aware how hard it is to get through all my off-putting bullshit. Hahaha. It was a good time, though.

  • The first band, a local band, had a great sound instrumentally. I was less of a fan of the vocals… but still. Good sound instrumentally.
  • Scarlet Canary was next, and Hannah rocked her face off, as she does. I love her stage presence.
  • After that was a band called Tantric. I had to google them, because I knew nothing about them. Apparently they were originally the empty shell of what used to be Days of the New, and then the new lead singer kept the rights to their songs as Tantric, and now he has a whole new band setup…
    • He was a trip. After his gig I kept seeing him escorting many a thin blonde to the back where I assume he was storing them in his tour bus for later. I swear he was up to like six. I mentioned this to Hannah and she laughed when I said I was memorizing their faces in case they showed up as missing on the news the next day.
  • The Veer Union was a surprise. They were AWESOME. I will be listening to lots more of The Veer Union. And the lead singer was so freaking nice. I saw him greeting fans and selling merch and he just seemed like a stellar guy.
    • They also did a compilation cover of Linkin Park songs that gave me chills.
  • Saliva was interesting. So I guess in 2012 they got a new lead singer who looks like my friend Rob in another life. It was trippy. They put on a good show. I was happy with it. I’d see it again for sure.
  • Puddle of Mudd… I’m not saying they were super high… but Wes Scantlin seemed high as fuck. He forgot lines, and missed verses, and all his notes were off… but like… it was still fun. I had fun, even if he was high as balls.
    • Saliva was better. Go see Saliva.

Afterwards we went home, watched The Orville, and went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning sick… Chris went home and took an Emergen-C packet… I spent Monday and Tuesday in bed sick. I read a book called In The Shadow of Lakecrest that was an unexpectedly great historical gothic fiction. I definitely thought it would be a horror novel… it was not.

Also, this weekend I decided to name Chris’ penis… because why not? I decided it should be the name of the horse that won the Kentucky Derby the year he was born, but “Spend a Buck” is clunky… so I’m calling it Buck. Lol. Oh man I’m a nerd.

As a closing note… I think I’m in love, guys… it’s fucking weird… but like… I’m so happy.

The Great Zoo Adventure

Saturday I went to the zoo with my boyfriend, his daughter, his ex, his ex’s boyfriend, and his ex’s boyfriend’s kids in some kind of hybrid terror of a mixed family event. Why did I do this? Because my boyfriend asked, and I’m kind of obsessed with him.

I would honestly love for this to be the part where I launch into a story of abject horror, where the ex tried to feed me to the lions, and she teamed up with her boyfriend to lock me in a pen with hyenas or something… but it was fine. We had fun.

The kids had a good time, especially, which is really what’s important, but the ex and her boyfriend seem mostly fine. My boyfriend’s daughter, Addison, is 5, and she just adores the ex’s bf’s 10 year old… who fortunately seems to reciprocate. Isis was great with BOTH the kids, actually, and was a good little helper. She would help reign in Addison, and she’d also keep an eye on Seth, her 3 year old brother. She also loves taking pictures, and took a ton of them and wanted to show them all to me… I was fine with this, but in true dad form, the ex’s bf told her not to. I’m sure he thought she was bothering me or something, but really I just kept telling her that when she’s a famous photographer she’ll have to send me her autograph… cuz I am that kind of human being. Lol.

I didn’t interact much with Seth, and the bit I interacted with Addison was mostly when I would be teasing Isis and Addison would want to be part of the fun. I don’t think Addison really cared about my existence one way or the other, except when I defended them with a water bottle at lunch (Canadian Geese, man… they’re brazen lil fucks). That’s okay, though. I get this feeling I’ll have plenty of time to make an impression on her…. Isis adored me, though. She just thought I was the cooliest… and I laughed at that, cuz I super am not… but I had forgotten how much I actually love hanging out with kids. They’re just so… fun.

Chris spent most of the weekend with me. He staid Friday night, and we watched The Possession… because obviously we had to. Then we went to the zoo Saturday, and he staid Saturday night. We watched The Orville, because we are nerds. Oddly good show, that… And then Sunday morning he got up, went to the store, and made me biscuits and gravy, which was awesome. I was hella impressed.

Things have been great… I’m super happy.

Unfortunately, they had to put his mom’s dog down yesterday… and I’m not sure what to do about that. When we put down Keagan I just wanted people to not talk to me and I slept for two days… I just told him that if there was anything I could do, that I would be happy to do it. I feel so useless when people are grieving… because there’s nothing you can do and nothing you can say that makes them feel even a little bit better. You just have to wait for the scar tissue to form over that place in their heart. When all you want to do is comfort someone, knowing there’s nothing you can do is the most hopeless feeling in the world.


Let’s end on a brighter note… I made Chris and I Facebook Official after the zoo, and here are some choice responses my friends posted.

Wow, he made it through the gauntlet? I’m impressed. 🙂

IT’S A TRAP! (complete with Admiral Ackbar gif)

If this is for real, fantastic! You deserve to be happy, sweetie! I admit, there’s a part of me that’s waiting for a punchline.

I have to second this sentiment. Like….. we’re not being punk’d here, are we?

Welcome to the world of tolerating another human being more than you thought possible.

Wait whaaaat?! I mean I’m definitely happy for you, just surprised, alt-me.

(many, many gifs of surprised faces and screaming)