I’ve decided to stop seeing my talk therapist. It’s not that she’s poor at her job, or anything, but I feel like because of the way Kaiser is structured, I’m not getting what I want out of our time together. I have to come up with goals… so all we focus on are those goals, which I made up purely because she said I had to or Kaiser wouldn’t pay for the therapy. I really needed someone to help me with my anxieties about my hysterectomy, and my health, and turning 30. What we ended up with was her determining that I am lonely.
Now, I will acknowledge that I do not have a lot of close relationships in my life, but that doesn’t REALLY mean that I’m lonely. I have a lot of friends, but a majority of them I don’t see in person. I have three best friends, but two live out of state and Bird is wrapped up in her own 30-year old life. We still text and talk, though. Maybe I don’t rely on them like people think you should be able to. Like I’ve only ever called David crying once, when I got stood up for the first time ever, by a guy I really thought I liked. Bird and Billie? Almost never, but we can talk about serious stuff if we need to. It doesn’t mean I COULDN’T call them; it just means that I haven’t felt the need to.
Because of the script that Kaiser doctors follow, all I was getting from my talk therapist was "you are lonely," and I disagree. So I’ve decided not to go back. I’m still anxious about my hysterectomy, and the emotional repercussions from that, much less the physical ones. I’m still unsure how to take care of my health, and I’m still disappointed that I’m 30… but I think I can handle it. I’m actually in a really good place right now, if I’m honest.
My prescribing doctor, Dr. Major, has left Kaiser. I got an email from her regarding my ADHD medication that explained she was going to relocate to take care of a relative, but that as her last act for me, she’d increased my ADHD meds. I have an appointment with my new med doctor in March, right before my hysterectomy. His name is Dr. Patel. I hope he’s as open minded about treatment as Dr. Major was.
Anyways… just an update on things, I guess.