Surgery Day!

3am – Alarm went off… spent the next 30 minutes drinking apple juice and taking the meds I was allowed to take today.

330am – Took shower with terrible antimicrobial soap they gave me at the pre-op appointments. I got it nowhere close to my eyes, but the fumes coming off of it were pure alcohol. So burny. It also left my skin feeling like plastic, very dry, and unpleasant. I longed for LOTION BUKKAKE. All over my life.

430am – Head to hospital for 530 check in. Mom was obviously nervous. Her driving showed it pretty evidently. Also, it was dark, and she has mild night blindness, so the drive to the hospital was NOT great. And we got there super early, so we had to wait for 30 minutes before the doors actually opened. But her being SO nervous meant my mom-friend instincts kicked in and I was incapable of being nervous for myself. Handy personality quirk.

6am – I had to strip down and pre-op started. I was kind of really uncomfortable with so many talking to me while I was wearing neither pants or panties, but I was soon distracted by the pre-op process. They put this GIANT needle in my arm to take blood, and then they push this button on the device and the needle pops out, but leaves flexible plastic tubing in my arm for administering fluids, drugs, and antibiotics during surgery. It was pretty cool, tbh. During this time I also met all my doctors. They all seemed very nice. I also got a shot of heprin for blood clots in the back of my arm… the needle didn’t hurt, but FUCK that burned. Not looking forward to administering my blood clot shots once a day for the next two weeks…. @_@

730am – They wheeled me into the OR. The sedation meds weren’t really taking effect on the way in, but I was still pretty calm all things considered. They adjusted the IV and I felt them before the anesthesia actually started, though. First time I remember seeing the OR in spite of this being the fourth surgery of my life. It was less terrifying to me than I thought it would be. Nice and cold, though. I love a good cold room. Then they said they were administering the knock out drugs, and I was out in like 20 seconds.

930am – Came to in recovery and panicked. I didn’t feel pain or anything, but waking up with people in your face asking you questions is jarring. I asked the time and when I could see my mom. I guess I was on the brink of tears, cuz the 68 year old recovery specialist was concerned I was in pain. Really, my pain was like a 3. She gave me just a little pain medication, which probably also helped me calm down. Once I got them to sit me upright, though, I started to feel better. I was only in the phase 1 recovery room for about an hour. I got real coherent and chatty pretty fast. I was also PARCHED so I sucked down ice chips and water like a pro, even though my throat hurt from the breathing tube, and still hurts right now, actually. When the recovery specialist said she was gonna go talk to my mom, I asked her to tell her my Pulse Ox, because I was pulling 98%. Many a time we’ve had problems in this family with people being unable to keep their pulse ox up, so I thought it would be the best way to reassure her I was doing well. Shortly after, I asked and was allowed to go to the bathroom and put my clothes on, which… nothing makes you feel better than wearing pants… Swear to god.

11am – Taken out to recovery stage 2, which is essentially just a holding room where Mom sat with me till they got my discharge papers ready. Everyone was SUPER impressed with my recovery. I wasn’t in pain, didn’t ask for medication, and was pretty chatty and overall happy. They predicted this meant I would have a pretty easy recovery, but warned me I’d prolly feel like someone beat me up tomorrow… looking forward to that!

1215pm – Released to go home.

1pm – Mom picked me up some Chik-fil-A for lunch and helped me get inside and get the dogs outside. Then, she left me to eat and get some rest. They put this thing behind my ear for nausea that’s good for 3 days, and it causes WICKED dry mouth. The fries went down great. The nuggets did okay. I killed two sweet teas trying to eat my sandwich, though, because I didn’t have enough saliva to breakdown the bread. Lol. After that, I went up to bed and napped on and off for most of the afternoon. I also listened to a book.

5pm – Chris came over. He’d texted me all morning, intentionally getting up even earlier than usual to reassure me everything would be fine. When he showed up his face was nothing but concern, though. He was actually really worried and was really glad I seemed to be doing mostly okay. We snuggled, and chatted, and watched The Orville. Then he had to go home since he’s got Addi this weekend. He setup a TV and a Wii U in her room, though, so she didn’t mind him coming over for a little bit. He promised to come back tomorrow, and the next day, and he’s spending all day Monday with me. I feel very loved.

630pm – Fed dogs and grabbed some dinner. It’s now 814pm, and I’m still working on dinner because it’s hard to swallow…. but I feel mostly okay.

OTHER NOTES:

  • The girl next to me in recovery was NOT doing very well. They did some kind of investigative surgery on her uterus for endometriosis and some other things I don’t remember the name of. She was actively crying and in a lot more than me. I hope she does well and gets relief for her problems. She seems like a sweet girl.
  • My surgeon came in to talk to me post-op and told me that in spite of being told I probably had endometriosis and poly-cystic ovaries since I was 12, there were no signs of either. This has made me very curious as to what the fuck caused my periods to be SO BAD. All the material, except my ovaries that I got to keep, was sent to pathology, though. Maybe they’ll be able to tell me what was up, as well as whether we got it out before it turned into cancer.
  • My surgeon showed my mom pictures of my insides. She was grossed out. I see this as payback for when she had her uterus cauterized when I was like 15, and her doc came out and this smol Asian woman named Doctor Sun showed me her burned and blackened uterus… and then went “See! You came out of there!” With a thick Asian accent… it was hilarious later, but freaked me out at the time. I derive pleasure from knowing mom felt similarly. Lol.
  • Chris signed divorce papers! I guess his ex got everything together after she filed their taxes, and he’ll be a free man, soon. I am very excited about it, especially with plans to move him in come May. I’m nervous what my hairdresser will say, since she’s already asked if I’d marry him… so now I feel like she’s gonna badger me to marry him forever now. Lol.
  • Both mom and I have been running off anxiety this week, and it shows. We both felt exhausted on the way back from the hospital, and we predict we’ll be out like a light tonight.

Overall, today was less epic than I thought it would be. If someone told me, right now, that I’d be going back to work Monday, I’d ask to wait till Wednesday. As it is, I’m off for two weeks! So, I plan on doing a lot of reading and gaming and hoping that the pain continues to be minor. I have no regrets now that it’s over.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK
Me: “So, are you sad I won’t even be having an oops baby now?”
Mom: “No, I’m glad you’re not gonna die. If you want a kid later, we’ll buy you one.”

I love my mom, and her borderline rude but in a caring kind of way bluntness.

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3… 2… 1…

Tomorrow is the day. I get my hysterectomy at 730am tomorrow…

A, not excited to be up that early (530 check-in)
2, not excited about surgery (weirdly nervous about it)
D, everyone I’ve told has been so great (see below)

When this became part of my reality, I decided not to tell most people. I told my mom so she could come to the doctor with me, and I told Chris because he’s very important to me, and I told David (1), Billie, and Robyn, because they’re my besties. I also told Cat, because she’ll be covering some of my duties at work. But mostly I’ve kept it under wraps until recently. I’m not posting it on social media, but I’ve left little clues for people who are paying attention.

Well some people noticed. Shaunna and Bren are super sweet and offered to stay with me a day, as well as bring me Chipotle. Melanie offered to bring me Chipotle AND Boss (her dog) while I’m off. Baker offered to bring me Chipotle. David 2 offered to bring me dinner and watch a movie… Literally everyone has offered to come hang out and bring me Chipotle. It’s been… really nice. It’s nice to feel cared about. And David (1) went so far as to buy me the Resident Evil 2 Remake Deluxe Bundle so I have something to play while I’m off, since he’s not here to come see me. I was super in shock at that one.

I haven’t decided if I’ll make it super public, but it’s been nice to see an outpouring of support. Everyone who’s ever had surgery has reassured me that I’ll be fine, including Baker telling me about her C-Section. I often feel like I’m kind of a loner, but moments like this, where I could use people, people always show support. I have a unique kind of relationship with people, but we’re still friends. It’s important to remember that.

Yesterday I met my new med shrink. Dr. Patel is a young man with obvious Indian roots, but no accent. He’s also very nice. He helped me, via email, to get my meds straightened out after Dr. Major left. Our meeting was predominantly me telling him that I feel like I’m doing well in spite of all the stressors I have right now, gushing about Chris and how great he is, and just going over some “get to know you” questions. He let a few of Dr. Major’s notes she didn’t share with me slip, like how she suspected I might have Asperger’s. I don’t think I do, but at this point I don’t care what you call my crazy so long as we treat it. At the end of the hour we essentially agreed I’d come back in April or May, depending on if I take the job on the other side of town. It was really nice to see a doctor and not have anything be wrong.

I was a bundle of nerves yesterday, but I’m pretty calm today. I dunno why. Exhaustion, maybe? It’s hard to be anxious ALL THE TIME. I feel like at some point you just have to let it go. I won’t have time to be anxious at 5am tomorrow… I won’t hardly be awake. So I guess that’s good.

I dunno why I feel anxious about the surgery…. I’ve been under the knife several times…. gall bladder removal, ACL repair, skin removal…. Never had a reaction to anesthesia, or had to stay in the hospital longer than predicted. Never had a ton of pain, cuz I keep up on my meds. I don’t actually even think I can die, because I’m nicely deluded. I really have no reason to worry. Mom says it’s because I’m older now, and you just tend to get that way. The older you get the less you like the idea of surgery, because when you’re younger you don’t really think about it; it’s just a thing you do because someone tells you it needs to be done. She might be right.

Anyways… I guess I’ll check in during recovery. Hope it’s not too brutal.

Thxgiving, Kids, Cancer, Love, and I

Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was, as usual, pretty uneventful. Mothership and I ate some shrimp, saw Bohemian Rhapsody, and watched Eli Roth’s History of Horror. No, I did nothing with the boyfriend this year. We agreed that next year we’d try to weave each other into our holiday plans. We’ve only been together since August, you know. Three months does not justify holiday chaos. He agreed.

Chris took Addi up to her mom’s, and he spent Thanksgiving with them. People make weird faces when I say that he spent Thanksgiving with his ex, her family, and her boyfriend and his kids, but personally I find it nice that they get along and can spend holidays together for the sake of Addi. They might be exes but if they can stay friends Addi’s family won’t have broken up, it will have just gotten bigger. I wish that for them all.

I took some time off before Thanksgiving and spent some time with Chris and Addi. We took her to Mile High Comics, the big one in bumfuk nowhere, and while it wasn’t ALL pleasant, I think it was productive. You see, I’m still figuring out how to interact with Addi. I’ve seen how other interact with her, and kids her age, and I think it’s dumb. So, when we picked her up from school and she was in a mood… I mocked her whining, which made her cry and pout. Chris was fine with this. We let her cool off and she wanted Waffle House. We weren’t sure how to get to Waffle House on the way to the comic store, and she wanted to throw a fit about it…

Let it be known that I am not a parent. I would never tell someone how to raise a kid, because I don’t know how to raise a kid.

That being said, I was NOT fucking having it, for reasons I’ll get to.
I spun around in the seat and told her to stop. I didn’t yell. I didn’t threaten. I didn’t even tell her that if she didn’t stop that she wouldn’t get what she wanted. I just told her to stop, since we were TRYING TO DO SOMETHING FUN FOR HER, and that if she wanted to make pouty faces she could do it while looking down because I didn’t want to see it.

And you know what? She stopped.

We went to Waffle House and she was fine. We went to the comic shop and she was fine. We went to 2nd & Charles and she was fine. Any time she tried to make that high pitched whining noise I just said, “Hey, we talked about that noise.” She was great the rest of the day, for a 5 year old. It’s like no one had told her to stop before. It was crazy. We didn’t find any comics for her, but at 2nd & Charles I bought her the three Five Nights at Freddy’s novels. My hope was that since she wants someone to read them to her, maybe she’ll want to read.

The next night we went to dinner with Chris’ mom and Addi. I don’t like eating with Addi because the adults in her life have made food “a thing.” As a former (current) person with an eating disorder, I dislike when people make food “a thing.” So we’re at this restaurant and they get an appetizer and they expect her to eat some. They get a salad and they expect her to eat some. Then her food comes, and she’s five, and she’s not hungry because she had appetizer and salad. Your stomach is the size of your fist… she’s five: she’s got a small fist. You can’t expect her to eat a ton. Not all kids do. So, she’s fidgety and she drops her drink, and Chris wants to get mad, and I just couldn’t help it… I told him to calm down. He did. There was no scene, no reprimands, and no tears.

So they were trying to get her to eat, but then they went to get desserts. While they were gone I talked to Addi. I asked if she knew how to twirl her spaghetti. She was excited to show me, especially when I attempted to do it with penne (which you can’t, obvi). Then I was like, wow, that’s so much food…. you can’t really fit that in your mouth can you? Of course she could, and she was excited to show me that, too. She was bored! It was obvious. I get the feeling she doesn’t get treated like a part of the group very often… I’m going to work on that with her.

When we got back to their place Addi was excited to show me her room and how clean it was. Then she was excited for me to read Five Nights at Freddy’s to her. It was adorable. I had a coughing fit and Chris had to take over. Aside from that Addi asked when she can meet my monsters (dogs) and I told her it depended. She would have to prove to me that she won’t make that high pitched whining noise, because Kira hasn’t been around kids and I dunno what she’ll do with that. I don’t want Addi to get hurt. She said she’d work on not doing that.

I call the weekend a win, overall. I don’t think I interact with kids the way other people interact with kids, though. I kind of just treat them like adults… but also account for age. She’s 5, she’s not an idiot. She has thoughts and opinions and social needs. She can be reasoned with and explained to if you take the time. I’m working on showing Chris how I would interact with his kid. A, I want him to know in case I need to babysit, but 2, my big thing is not to make stuff “things.” We got pizza one night and she wanted to throw a fit over mushrooms… I literally snapped my fingers at her and went, “Hey… just pick them off. Pick your battles, kid.” And she did and things were fine. I’m no expert on kids, but I do think that the less “things” in kids’ lives, the more adjusted they’ll grow up to be.

The reason I finally snapped at Addi, by the way, is because just a little while before we picked her up from school, I got a phone call informing me that my cervical biopsy revealed per-cancerous cells. They wanted to do a LEEP procedure, which entails essentially carving out the part of my cervix that has the cells. It sounds painful because it will be. I lost it. I started crying at this woman on the phone about how my reproductive system has been trying to kill me since I was 12, and how I refuse to have to do this every single year for the rest of my life when the cervical biopsy hurt so much already, and the dysphoria about the whole thing…

I got lucky the woman I was talking to was someone who had a hysterectomy already. She was very kind. She ran off to NP Slaughter and consulted with her, and NP Slaughter, refreshed on my history, decided I should have a consult with a doctor. We postponed the LEEP procedure until after my consult with a doctor, who will discuss all my options, including a preventative hysterectomy. I will probably still have to have a LEEP, to see what’s in my uterus and determine how best to remove it, just in case it’s something that could break up and spread to the inside of my abdomen. I’m not thrilled.

I spent a lot of time on the phone with my mom crying about it all, and trying to deal with how scared and anxious I am over it…. but the consult is in late December, so I chose to put off worrying until then. I just pushed it down into a little ball that will probably give me cancer… hopefully not new cancer, though. Let’s stick to organs I can remove.

I thought I pushed it down, anyways. I put it out of my mind as much as I can. Aside from snapping back at Addi, though… I’ve had… symptoms of stress. My lips are raw meat from chewing on them. My picking habit is out of control. I’m binging or not eating at all. Little things can get under my skin and throw me into a completely inappropriate rage. I pushed it down, but the anxiety isn’t gone. I probably think about it several times a day… and just try not to acknowledge it. So today I bit the metaphorical bullet and scheduled a talk therapy session.

It’s so hard to pry apart what’s being caused by new medications and what’s just a response to stress… I thought if I could get in with someone now, I could be sure to have an appointment lined up after my consult… cuz no matter what, that’s gonna be a bad time. So… working on that self care, I guess.

Chris has been really great about this whole cervical cancer thing, too. He doesn’t “get it” but he’s there if I need him. That’s really all you can ask for.

In unrelated, happier news, I played matchmaker and found someone a match. A month ago I hooked up Chris’ friend Rob with my friend Amber. I dunno Amber well, but she’s awkward and best friends with Robot Boy, so I guessed she might like Rob. Holy hell was I correct. They are attached to each other like crazy glue. She started by spending four days there, only coming up for air when she had to go to work. She did Thanksgiving with his family. They’re thinking about moving her in. I mean, I thought Chris and I moved fast, but damn. Still, I’m happy for them and I’m happy that I brought them together.

Their speed kind of made me question where Chris and I are… but it’s two very different scenarios. Chris and I are happy. Rob and Amber are happy. They don’t have to be the same happiness to be happiness. Chris and I have things to consider that Rob and Amber don’t. Kids, finances, wives… but we’re fine where we are. Conversely, I always think Bird and her man should be “farther along” since they’ve dated on and off for like 10 years, but they’re not. And they’re happy. So… why argue with that?

Speaking of Bird, this past weekend we went to a concert for Spiral Cell and Nordic Daughter, followed by playing Mario Party at my house. It was a blast! I lost so hard… but it was so much fun. The next night I made Chris dinner and we watched comedy specials. It was really nice. I loved our weekend. I love us. I love being happy. I do not love that he takes his steak medium, though… I’m a rare girl, and I’ve never cooked a medium steak… so I totally ended up with well done… but the potatoes and asparagus were good. Lol.

Anyways. That’s all for me. And really… that’s enough.

Life & The Year Of Content

I made a hard decision, and I ghosted D2.

It’s not an easy thing to decide to cut someone out of your life, but I couldn’t deal with our one-sided friendship. Things were always about him. We were always at his house. We hung out with his friends if we did go out. We talked about HIS illness, HIS treatment, HIS problems. I guess I thought that eventually the newness of his diagnosis would wear off and we could just be people who were friends. It just never happened. His newest relapse and hospital stay proved this. He’s not where I am and he’s not going to be there any time soon. So, for my own mental health, I cut him out.

I feel like this is the part where I’m supposed to say that I miss him, or that things have been harder without him, or something… but just the opposite is true. I’ve been happier, and I’ve even been doing things with other people. It’s like a weight has been lifted, and maybe it has.

I’d mentioned learning to play D&D last entry, and I’m still working on that. It only took me a year to do it… if you ca believe I’ve been thinking of learning since last year. Cat had me, her friend Haley, and my friend Bren over to play my little game. It was only supposed to last a couple of hours, but apparently I overdid my little game, and it went on for six hours and we still aren’t done. I still don’t have all the nuances of the rules down, and I think I’m not making the characters do things exactly right, but we’re having fun. If there’s a question of if someone can do a thing, and I don’t know the technical rule, I just make them roll against me for it. I hope to get better at actual rules later… but I might switch to Pathfinder rules… D&D has really technical rules… maybe Pathfinder is a little easier? (I don’t know… tell me if you know.)

Last week D1 was in town! I saw him for an evening at Heidi’s place. It’s good to see him. He looks great. He’s happy. He’s all around doing good shit with his life and enjoying it. We heard a little more about the Rabbi, which was neat, and I really enjoyed seeing him. Also, Heidi invited me over every Thursday to watch Supernatural. So… unexpected win.

I’ve known Heidi since high school. We were never really FRIENDS, but we were never really NOT FRIENDS either. We just kind of knew each other and never hung out without other people around for social lubricant. That’s weird, because Heidi and I have always been kind of similar. We’re both introverted nerds who like people but often hole up and don’t see anyone because we’re hermity. Being invited over for the new season of Supernatural is really cool, and I like Heidi, so I’m excited to have a weekly thing. Also, it’s not on a Friday or Saturday, so that still leaves weekends open! She also lent me a book, so I gave her one back. I dunno how long this will last, but I’m excited to do a thing with someone.

I also went to my first book club meeting on Monday. My friend Evan has been badgering me to come to his book club, because he is a rather hermity, socially awkward human being, and he goes to socialize and read books he otherwise would not. I don’t really like reading books I otherwise wouldn’t, but they read a book that was already on my reading list, so I read it and showed up. I nearly had a panic attack walking in the door, but I honestly had a good time. I’m gonna read the next book and go again, I think. Would I like it more if all the books were scifi and horror? Yes, but this is a start, and maybe I can find another book club later, or even start one of my own. In general, I’m proud to have done a thing.

This weekend, I’m to hang with Bird, try to finish my costume for Halloween, and be a person. I’m feeling pretty good about myself, and I’m pretty happy. I hate to say that this is because I dropped D2, but it might be. I don’t have someone reminding me I’m crazy, that at any second I could spin out into a manic episode, or spiral into a depression. I’m just a person, living and doing stuff. It’s a nice feeling.

I turn 29 in a couple of weeks. I don’t like my birthday, but it’s how I gauge a year. Nothing happened this year. I started by having a breakdown about how at 28 I wasn’t married, had no kids, and no prospects for starting a family. I’ve done that for three years in a row. I don’t wanna do it this year. I started this year in that state of mind and everything went so horrendously anyways, between the election, and mothership getting pneumonia, and just… it was a bad year for me.

This year, I’m dubbing the YEAR OF CONTENT. It’s a term I’m blatantly stealing from one of my favorite YouTubers, Caitlyn Doughty of Ask a Mortician. She dedicated herself to a certain number of videos a week this year, and she’s kept to it. My year of content will be similar, in that I was to do at least two social things a week. It’s going to be hard… I’m not social… but I think it will be good for me, and maybe I’ll meet some people. I might join a gym. That’s a pretty easy social activity, but I hate the gym and it makes me wanna die… so maybe not. I’d like to be more healthy, but more than that I would just like to be happier. If the gym doesn’t make me happy, it probably isn’t my best choice.

Anyways… I’ll be starting that next week, although I should be able to hit my goal this week, too, since I went to book club Monday and I’m to see Heidi Thursday, and even Bird this weekend… So much social.

For accountability reasons, I’ll also be posting at least once a week to check in on if I did my two social activities… ^_^

And… yeah.

IT’S BACK… I think?

Morning Time

The hardest part of my life is giving a fuck, especially on a Monday morning.

Part of me is really into the idea of running away from life and living in the woods as a crazy homeless person until I die of exposure or hunger… I mean at least I don’t have to spend time at a job I’ve grown to hate with people I’ve grown to resent. But the bigger part of me wants to care for my dogs and buy books… so here I am.

I mostly cleaned my room yesterday. You’d think that would make me feel accomplished or something, but all I could focus on was everything else I need to get done, everything that needs to be cleaned or purged or packed. Tonight I think I’ll go get some packing supplies and pack up my record player, vinyls, and all my electronics except my PS4. I also need to finish my room, or try anyways. Then I have some stuff to list for sale, and see if I can pull in any money. I’m just going to start packing everything up… it’s a little early for it, but why not. My stuff will either collect dusk being out, or it can collect dust in boxes. At least in boxes they’re ready to move whenever I’m ready for that.

At least if I get everything packed up I can paint the house and fix some things so that I pull some equity out of it when I go to move. Gotta paint everything white… put in some carpet on the stairs…

Afternoon Time

My mood is kind of all over, which is better than crippling depression ALL THE TIME. I seem the most down in the morning and when I get home from work. Mid day I’m a little manic, and late at night I get manic… so I guess I’m back to rapid cycling. At least it means that I get stuff done at work, but I also feel like this is kind of wasted since I work all day.

Like right now, I’d love to go to the gym, and then go home and sort things in the basement, haul some stuff out, box up stuff to keep, etc. I’m not sure I’d do that if I were actually at home, because the basement is where I hide all my emotional stuff, but right now I’m pretty upbeat and would like to do productive things. It’s unfortunate this will probably wear off before I even walk through my front door.

I really like electronica when I’m up. I have this playlist on Spotify that I’ve been defaulting to called Bleeps & Bloops, and it’s just weird cerebral electronica. I’ve also fallen into some dubstep recently, which is a thing I never thought I’d get into. Maybe I should go to a club… I could use a night out. I dunno what clubs play dubstep these days, though… Maybe I could research it. The problem is keeping the mood up into the evening enough to WANT to get there and have a good time, but I can deal with that later.

Maybe I’ll play video games tonight. I’d like to do that. Or maybe read. MAYBE I COULD DRAW. I dunno. I’m making big plans that I prolly won’t be able to keep, since this mood won’t last… Lol. But I dunno. When I’m up, I’m up. I wanna do EVERYTHING… I wish I was always up. Up is a nice place to be.

Anyways… Guess that’s all. OKIES BYE

25 Random Facts About Me

I was at a loss for what to write today… so, like a n00b, I googles some blog prompts…
This is the one I picked. Enjoy. (Just trying to write more consistently…)

  1. I am half Mexican and half…. my mom calls us WT (white trash)
    • I am the palest half-breed Mexican you will ever see in your life… I pretty much glow in the dark
    • White trash is a mix of German, Cuban, Black Foot Native American, and another kind of Native American that I always forget but shouldn’t forget
  2. My favorite Disney villain is Ursula from The Little Mermaid
    • She’s a Cecaelia, and she’s heavy… and if I were a sea witch I’d be both those things, too
  3. I know all the words to several musicals
    • Including but not limited to Little Shop of Horrors, Grease, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, Chicago, every Disney movie from before 2000…
  4. My full mental illness diagnosis is “Bipolar I Sociopath with potential Narcissistic traits, no attachment to humans but strong connection to animals, prevalent auditory hallucinations, sporadic visual hallucinations, dissociative states including fugue, impulse control deficiency heightened by anxiety attacks that trigger manic episodes that may include kleptomania, binge drinking, uncontrolled spending, and an increased penchant for dangerous behaviors.
    • Taken directly from my chart
    • Pretty sure half of that is actually just describing the base of BP I & Sociopathy
      • Why do they list it like that?
  5. I love video games, but I’m not actually very good at them
    • It takes me forever to finish a video game, assuming I do at all
      • Like 90% of the video games I own are not finished
      • I also tend to start over sporadically
  6. I am super addicted to caffeine
    • I’ve been known to kill 4 Monsters in a day, then go drink espresso all night, and somewhere in there drink a bunch of Coca Cola and high caffeine black tea
  7. I have four dogs and a cat
    • Keagan – Corgi, Husky, German Shepherd, Chow – 14
    • Kyrie – German Shepherd, Shar Pei, Chow – 9
    • Kira – Queensland Heeler, Hound – 3
    • Bdo – Sad, Inbred Chihuahua – 3
    • Kato – Tortie Cat – 7
  8. I have like 12 aliases that I use when I talk to people
  9. I’ve been single since 2012
    • I had to do math on this… because I didn’t remember… but I didn’t get Kira and Bdo till after the breakup
  10. I am asexual and aromantic
    • And sometimes I feel agender, but not enough to identify that way
  11. If I had my way I’d be androgynous all the time
    • It makes my mom uncomfortable when I dress that way for work, so I don’t do it at work
  12. I work with my mother
  13. I live next door to my mother
  14. In spite of that, I don’t actually see my mom that much outside of carpooling to work with her
  15. I have an aunt without a first name
    • My grandmother on my dad’s side had a name picked out, but her friend had a baby right before she did and stole the name, so my aunt’s birth certificate says “BABY GIRL” with a middle and last name
      • We call her by her middle name, except my grandmother who calls her Baby Girl
  16. I don’t know my blood type
    • I keep meaning to donate blood so I can find out, but I just never get around to it in my free time
  17. I don’t shave regularly
    • Like anything… legs, vag, nothing…
  18. I’ve been to Costa Rica, Spain, France, and the Caribbean
  19. I don’t talk to most of my family
  20. I love horror everything
    • movies, music, comics, novels, everything
  21. I always wanted to anything except white
    • As much as I love being pale, I always wanted to be anything other than white…
  22. It’s taken me all day to write this blog
    • I don’t find myself very interesting, so I didn’t know what to say
  23. If it were possible to achieve the singularity, I’d do it
  24. I would also become immortal if it was possible
  25. I kind of think that I’m the center of the universe, and none of you probably exist