I have high blood pressure.
My mom has high blood pressure and I’m incredibly fat and inactive… so, it’s not like this is unexpected or anything. What was unexpected is how stressful high blood pressure can be.
Let’s bullet this real quick.
- So, I saw a shrink. She put me on Effexor. She requested some blood work.
- My primary saw the blood work and wanted to talk about it, as well as just see me for the first time, since I finally picked a Kaiser doc.
- My blood pressure at that appointment was high. She asked me to come back in like a month to recheck that it’s okay, because I thought it might be White-coat Hypertension. I don’t like doctors.
- Before that recheck I saw my shrink again, just to see how I’m doing. I was doing great. Felt lots better. Started exercising. Woke up feeling pretty good on the daily. Wanted to increase just a little for weird depressive episodes.
- Shrink had a nurse take my blood pressure since she saw it was high at my last doc visit, and Effexor CAN increase blood pressure.
- My blood pressure was hella high. Like, to the point the nurse asked if I was having chest pain.
- She got a higher ranking nurse to take it to confirm.
- Blood pressure spooked my shrink, so she cut back the Effexor and gave me Wellbutrin.
- Went to my blood pressure check.
- Blood pressure was crazy high.
- Nurse got panicky look and went to get higher ranking nurse to confirm again.
- Doc scheduled me for an EKG and started me on Procardia.
- Go to EKG. Take mom for moral support.
- LPN is nutzo.
- Can’t find the EKG order.
- Tells me I don’t need to be there cuz it’s prolly White-coat Hypertension.
- Brings me a 10XL gown to put on.
- I’m fat, but I’m not THAT fat.
- EKG is fine. No damage to heart.
- Take Procardia, Wellbutrin, and reduced dose of Effexor.
- Feel bad.
- Hard time waking up.
- Very tired.
- Get tired at work, so bosslady sends me to Rite Aid to check my BP.
- BP is 183/123 according to machine.
- Mom takes me to Kaiser to have a nurse check my BP in case Imma have heart attack.
- Nurse is cute guy named Joe.
- BP is fine. 130-something / 80-something.
- Advised that home devices and public machines are inaccurate.
- For best results, sit for at least 5 minutes before taking BP.
- Email Shrink about tiredness after mental breakdown over frittata.
- It’s Effexor withdrawal.
- Prescribes smaller pills.
- Week 1: 1.5 pills
- Week 2: 1 pill
- Week 3: 0.5 pill
- Week 4: Stop Effexor
- Should help withdrawal.
- We’re stopping Effexor?
- Not what I thought was happening.
- Are we going to increase the Wellbutrin?
- What if the Wellbutrin doesn’t work?
- We’re stopping Effexor?
And that brings us to today.
I picked up the pills… so I was up to 75mg… She knocked me down to half a pill (37.5mg) and added half a pill of Wellbutrin. So then she called in 37.5mg pills of Effexor, and I’m to take 1.5 of them this week to combat tiredness and withdrawal. Then decrease till I’m off Effexor.
That’s fine, I guess… but I feel like we’re moving backwards. I was doing great on Effexor. I’m on blood pressure meds now. The only up I’m seeing with Wellbutrin so far is that I don’t have the urge to smoke, even though I’ve been stressed out and sad. Great! But I’m supposed to be on vacation next week and I was really hoping to feel motivated to live so I can get some shit I wanna do, done. Right now I just want to sleep and cry. I’ve wanted to sleep and cry for years and I was finally kind of out of it, and now… we’re back here…
So I emailed my shrink… and asked when we’ll be increasing the Wellbutrin… because maybe it’ll work. It’s fine, if it works, but I am not currently fine. I had a freak out yesterday over cutting tomatoes… It was daunting, TO THE POINT OF TEARS, to cut tomatoes to put in a cake pan with eggs. That’s not better. That’s some shit I’d do before I started Effexor.
I feel very discouraged… I dunno what to do other than try to trust my shrink, but I’m not… great… at trusting mental health professionals…
In better news, I’ve lost some weight. Not a noticeable amount of weight, but 5lbs in 8 days. So, that’s good. I’m trying to keep up on exercising. Mom and I have been walking the dogs around the block a few times every night… we can’t go far cuz she’s still on oxygen at home, and all of us are out of shape, dogs included, but we’re doing SOMETHING. We didn’t go last night cuz of the freak out and general fatigue, but I did force myself to get on my stationary bike. I made it 12 minutes before my legs felt like they were going to explode… It’s not impressive, but it’s not bad for my first time in months.
I just… want to get better… Why is getting better so hard?
If I feel better, I can take better care of myself.
Not sad = can exercise & less binge eating.
Can exercise = will exercise. Less binging = less caloric intake.
Exercise + less calories = weight loss.
Weight loss = better heart health & better mood.
Repeat as needed.
But… that’s just not where I’m at right now.