Tomorrow is the day. I get my hysterectomy at 730am tomorrow…
A, not excited to be up that early (530 check-in)
2, not excited about surgery (weirdly nervous about it)
D, everyone I’ve told has been so great (see below)
When this became part of my reality, I decided not to tell most people. I told my mom so she could come to the doctor with me, and I told Chris because he’s very important to me, and I told David (1), Billie, and Robyn, because they’re my besties. I also told Cat, because she’ll be covering some of my duties at work. But mostly I’ve kept it under wraps until recently. I’m not posting it on social media, but I’ve left little clues for people who are paying attention.
Well some people noticed. Shaunna and Bren are super sweet and offered to stay with me a day, as well as bring me Chipotle. Melanie offered to bring me Chipotle AND Boss (her dog) while I’m off. Baker offered to bring me Chipotle. David 2 offered to bring me dinner and watch a movie… Literally everyone has offered to come hang out and bring me Chipotle. It’s been… really nice. It’s nice to feel cared about. And David (1) went so far as to buy me the Resident Evil 2 Remake Deluxe Bundle so I have something to play while I’m off, since he’s not here to come see me. I was super in shock at that one.
I haven’t decided if I’ll make it super public, but it’s been nice to see an outpouring of support. Everyone who’s ever had surgery has reassured me that I’ll be fine, including Baker telling me about her C-Section. I often feel like I’m kind of a loner, but moments like this, where I could use people, people always show support. I have a unique kind of relationship with people, but we’re still friends. It’s important to remember that.
Yesterday I met my new med shrink. Dr. Patel is a young man with obvious Indian roots, but no accent. He’s also very nice. He helped me, via email, to get my meds straightened out after Dr. Major left. Our meeting was predominantly me telling him that I feel like I’m doing well in spite of all the stressors I have right now, gushing about Chris and how great he is, and just going over some “get to know you” questions. He let a few of Dr. Major’s notes she didn’t share with me slip, like how she suspected I might have Asperger’s. I don’t think I do, but at this point I don’t care what you call my crazy so long as we treat it. At the end of the hour we essentially agreed I’d come back in April or May, depending on if I take the job on the other side of town. It was really nice to see a doctor and not have anything be wrong.
I was a bundle of nerves yesterday, but I’m pretty calm today. I dunno why. Exhaustion, maybe? It’s hard to be anxious ALL THE TIME. I feel like at some point you just have to let it go. I won’t have time to be anxious at 5am tomorrow… I won’t hardly be awake. So I guess that’s good.
I dunno why I feel anxious about the surgery…. I’ve been under the knife several times…. gall bladder removal, ACL repair, skin removal…. Never had a reaction to anesthesia, or had to stay in the hospital longer than predicted. Never had a ton of pain, cuz I keep up on my meds. I don’t actually even think I can die, because I’m nicely deluded. I really have no reason to worry. Mom says it’s because I’m older now, and you just tend to get that way. The older you get the less you like the idea of surgery, because when you’re younger you don’t really think about it; it’s just a thing you do because someone tells you it needs to be done. She might be right.
Anyways… I guess I’ll check in during recovery. Hope it’s not too brutal.