Baby, It’s A 1940s Cultural Miscommunication

We’ve all heard it. Maybe you’ve heard the 1940s original recordings and you associate it with Dinah Shore and Buddy Clark, or maybe you’ve heard the popular 2014 Idina Menzel and Michael Bublé cover, but you’ve probably heard Baby, It’s Cold Outside at some point in your life. I, personally, associate it with a light A Capella version I saw on the Drew Carey Show back in the 90s, where he and his girlfriend sing it quietly before falling into each other’s arms. It’s a wintry duet that can be a lovely background soundtrack for a romantic evening with someone.


It’s not. I’m just gonna let you know that upfront. It’s not that.

If you’re alive and on the internet or in America right now, you probably know about the controversy surrounding the 1944 popular Christmas song, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” by Frank Loesser. It’s not surprising that something from the 1940s does not translate well into 2018. A 74 year old PERSON does not translate that well into 2018, much less a song based on a culture that’s since been dragged into the street and beaten to death. While many find the tune timeless, it definitely has the mark of its time period on it. It’s only recently, with the rise of the #MeToo Movement and women generally being sick of the shit they’ve taken for… ever… that the song has come under scrutiny. It’s because the lyrics are based in a culture very foreign to today’s social politics.

What is 1940s culture?

The biggest contributor to America culture in the 1940s was World War II, but a lot was going on. It was a terrible time to be alive, really. Kids were still dying of Polio. Boys went to war and didn’t come back, or men returned with blood in their eyes and without their hearts. The Holocaust claimed 11 million to 17 million lives. Gandhi was assassinated. Atomic warfare is no longer a threat, but a real act of global terrorism that the US launched on the sovereign nation of Japan.

From this turbulent time in history we got things like Casablanca: classic romantic wartime film featuring leading man Humphrey Bogart, Meet Me in St. Louis: a Judy Garland musical spectacular set in 1903, leading up to the World’s Fair, Fantasia: a musical adventure in animation that has its own problematic features, and It’s a Wonderful Life: a heartwarming Christmas story about suicide, featuring James Stewart. Musically, crooners were in and swing dance was all the rage. Fashion wise, we saw the rise of business look for women, as they entered the work force, and a generally utilitarian and modest look with sharp angles.

The Plight Of Reputation

Don’t let the women entering the workforce fool you; this wasn’t a great time to have a vagina. This is before the cliche 1950s housewife in heels pushing a vacuum and serving her husband a martini after he gets home from work. So what is life like for a woman in the 1940s?

Well, outside of wartime culture, we have wholesome American values in the 40s. Nuclear families of a man that works, a woman that is a homemaker, and a slew of children she’s responsible for raising and he’s vaguely responsible for beating. Also, any unhappiness in that nuclear family is FAMILY matter, and don’t you dare tell your friends, because you’ll bring shame on the family… and you’ll get whipped for it.

But Baby, It’s Cold Outside isn’t about a married couple, as we know, because the woman has to leave. It’s about a single man and woman having a nice evening with some drinks. So, we get into 1940s dating culture, and hookup culture. Contrary to what people would have you believe, hookup culture is not new. My mother had hookups. My grandmother had hookups. Going all the way back to whatever gross fish-monster dragged itself out the sea, we’ve been fucking people we don’t love. It’s fine. There’s nothing terrible about that, unless it’s the 1940s and people want to pretend that promiscuity is a sin and a disease.

Now, I cannot say whether the couple in the song are dating or if he brought her home from a bar in the hopes of a one night stand, but regardless we’re addressing a couple who are willingly together sharing a nice evening. The disconnect between the 40s and the 2010s is easy to identify, but hard for people to grasp because the language is different.

In the 2010s, if a single woman goes home with a man and decides to stay the night, we don’t really think about that. Did they have sex? We don’t know. It’s not our business, and that’s the way it should be. Maybe she’ll go home the next morning and text all her friends about this great guy she hooked up with last night and banter about how to ask him on a second date, or maybe she’ll keep it to herself and never call him again, or some mixture of the two. Most of us don’t care, do we? No. A select few, however, like to hold onto those classic, wholesome, American values.

In the 1940s, an unchaperoned woman staying the night at a man’s house is a fucking SCANDAL. She’s a whore! A WHORE I TELL YOU! I bet she has syphilis. I bet she’s had abortions. I bet she pisses on the cross and reports everything back to the Soviets or the Japanese! And as you’re reading that, I hope you’re either offended or laughing at the ludicrous nature of those accusations: both are correct responses. In the 1940s, that was a woman’s reality, though. As a result, “putting up a fight” or “playing coy” was not just an art form used to flirt with men, it was a necessity to maintain your reputation as a good girl.

It’s here, in this scope of reality that many a woman lived through, that we set the scene for this classic Christmas song. A woman likes a man, maybe they’re dating and maybe not, but she’s having a nice time and she wants to stay. The problem is, as the song details, a lot of people are going to talk about it. Her mother will worry, because she’s out and people will talk. Her father will pace the floor, because no one can deflower his daughter without a white dress and a legal document. The neighbors might think— that’s right, they’re gonna think she’s a whore. Her sister will suspect, her brother will be waiting for her like some kind of disciplinarian, her aunt’s mind is vicious and she’s a fucking gossip because she’s a spinster with nothing better to do. All this weighs on her mind, because there’s bound to be talk, but maybe she’ll have half a drink more. 

THE DRINKING! Let’s talk about the drinking. Prohibition ended in 1933, and if there’s one thing Americans are great at, it’s drinking, doing something stupid, and blaming it on being drunk. The 1940s and women are no exception, but in the 1940s it was a running joke to say “what’s in this drink” when you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing. If you’re sitting around with your gal pals later and gossiping about something you shouldn’t have done, you blame it on the drink, they giggle, and everyone knows you didn’t need to be drunk to do it. We have jokes like this now. I, personally, accuse everyone I work with of being on crack every single time they do something stupid. Do I think they’re on crack? Nah. Will people know that in 74 years? Maybe not, because I come from a time when crack was a thing, so why would I joke about it? Because it’s fun to accuse people of using crack, obviously.

So let’s put this all together. Someone out there thinks Baby, It’s Cold Outside is a song about possibly drugging a woman, then coercing her to stay and have sex against her better judgement and/or will. No. It’s a song about a sexually repressed woman, who’s having a nice time, and in spite of all the gossip and possible repercussions of the act, she says she must go, in the most long, drawn out and flirty way possible, and then stays…. but at least she can say she tried, and blame it on maybe having too much to drink, whether they even drank alcohol or not.

This song is from 1944… and if you don’t recognize that so many things have changed in terms of women and sexuality, and what they’re allowed to want and do in 2018 that they would have been scorned, judged, and persecuted for in the 1940s. Yes, the wording is deceiving when taken at face value, but it’s not hard to sit for a moment and think about the context.

By the way… this song was written by a married man for he and his wife to perform, predominantly at parties, not by a single dude trying to figure out a way to coerce women into becoming another notch on his bedpost, like so many songs today….


Sam: The Playlist

My Life In A Playlist (clickable Spotify playlist)

I dunno why, but I made a playlist of my life. So Imma tell you about it. Feel free to listen to it on Spotify while you read about it. Also, try it, and if you do send me your playlist. I’d love to hear your lives.

The songs aren’t necessarily in release date order, but I tried to put them in the order that which I binge listened to them. It’s not exact, but it’s pretty close.

  1. Only A Fool Would Say That – Steely Dan
    This album came out the year my mom graduated high school, and it’s one of her all time favorites. It’s one of the earliest albums I remember listening to with my mom. It’s still one of my favorite albums of all time, and full of memories.
  2. My Town – Patty Smyth
    My first introduction to empowered woman rock. It would leave an imprint. Also off this album is “Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough,” a duet with Don Henley. I would later use this as an anthem for why some relationships needed to end.
  3. A Change Would Do You Good – Sheryl Crow
    I was OBSESSED with Sheryl Crow’s self-titled, totally hippie power rock album. I was particularly obsessed with the phrase “chasin’ dragons with plastic swords, Jack off Jimmy, everybody wants more” though I’m not sure I understood this song as a child.
  4. Head Over Feet – Alanis Morissette
    This was one the albums Mom and I listened to the most on our drive up to Colorado from Florida. Long three days wrought with uncertainty. We’d go on to live in a hotel for a while, and then finally get an apartment.
  5. Say You’ll Be There – Spice Girls
    I was hardcore obsessed with Scary Spice. All my friends were obsessed with the Spice Girls. They were great. We learned the dances, and I started to have my own opinions about music and what I liked… and that was new for me.
  6. Bye Bye Bye – NSYNC
    Let’s be real, either NSYNC or BSB had to be on this list. It was my golden era of boy bands! But NSYNC was the boy band to rule them all. Still are, if you ask me. I’ll never forget when their Pop album came out and this kid in daycare with me was SO excited about it. He hadn’t been conditioned to know boy bands are for girls yet.
  7. Say My Name – Destiny’s Child
    This song always reminds me of my sisters and hanging out in my step sister’s room. I stole this album from her. She noticed. We weren’t great friends or anything, but I still miss both my sisters sometimes. It’s hard being the estranged sister.
  8. My Friends Over You – New Found Glory
    There’s a track at the end of this album that a “hidden” track. Back in the day, that meant that it was like an hour of silence followed by the track. My step sister and I used this track to scare the crap outta my lil sister and her friend. We told them a ghost story about something and then the track kicks in with this high pitched screaming, and they freaked. It was one of the few times we all enjoyed each other at the same time.
  9. Benign – Oleander
    My mom found this album at Walmart and we bought it based on the album art, because I wanted new music. I bought it totally blind, and it was the beginning of my love affair with the post-grunge movement, and later the grunge movement. They’re still good, too. Saw them a few years back when they came through for their newest album.
  10. Going Under – Evanescence
    I liked Evanescence, but my high school friends ruined it for me for years, because it’s ALL THEY FUCKING LISTENED TO. For years, Amy Lee was fucking everywhere, and I liked her, but I also hated her. Also, Broken is better when it’s just Seether. She didn’t add anything to that song for me. There. I said it. I’ve been waiting for fifteen years to tell people that.
  11. Young – Hollywood Undead
    I have been a fan of Hollywood Undead since they were a Myspace band that sang about banging Tila Tequila, and did duets with Jeffree Starr before he became a beauty icon and got into a fight with Kat Von D. I was really excited when they finally got signed, but I was also surprised… because… I mean they were from Myspace… Lol.
  12. Redundant – Green Day
    Nimrod was an album my mother bought for one song, as you did back in the day. To this day she wants “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)” played at her funeral. She was not, however, a fan of the rest of the music, so it came my way… and I loved it. This album is a great starter punk album, because it’s pretty soft. This song, in particular, was always my favorite. I had hoped some boy would sing it to me one day.
  13. Still Waiting – Sum 41
    I was totally obsessed with this album and it opened a lot of doors to punk and rock for me. From here I vaulted into Bad Religion, The Offspring, and so many more. It was harder than Green Day, and just a little edgier, and I loved it.
  14. Home – Breaking Benjamin
    Saturate was the very first album I bought with MY money with no parent around. I remember seeing the adverts for it on MTV and desperately wanting it. So much so, that I called my mom and convinced her to let me walk the block and half to Target to buy it, cuz the advert definitely told me it was available at Target. It was such a grand album, and still is. It also marks my entrance into high school…
  15. Thoughtless – Korn
    This was the first album I ever bought alone with my own money that had a parental advisory sticker on it. I was trying REALLY HARD to figure out what music these goth kids were listening to, cuz I was hellbent on getting into this group. I did. It took a lot of research. Lol.
  16. Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous – Good Charlotte
    I’m not above saying I aspired to be an emo/scene kid. Good Charlotte was pop punk at it’s best. I was a little too late to jump on the Blink 182 bandwagon, so this is where I ended up getting on the lame-but-awesome pop punk train, and I rode that shit well into the next decade.
  17. My Name Is – Eminem
    I’d gone to private, Christian schools till 5th grade. I was late to the Eminem phenomena, but fortunately for me, the older kids in high school were all too glad to show me that white kids could love rap, too. We screamed this whole album a lot. Obviously our rage was different than Marshall’s, but we were so full of emotions that we couldn’t always deal with that we just liked the rage, even if it was different from our own.
  18. Girl Anachronism – The Dresden Dolls
    The great thing about doing all the research was that I learned a lot of these goth kids were god damn nerds. We rocked pop punk, emo, and even musicals. So, when I discovered The Dresden Dolls, it didn’t hurt my cred to be the angry piano music girl. I drove around and BLASTED this song all over campus and anywhere else we went. People started to know me by it.
  19. Superbeast – Rob Zombie
    Tape Man stole my fucking CD player. I know because I stole it back from him. I don’t remember what I lost when he took it, but this album was what I gained when I stole it the fuck back. I often dared him to bring up I had his CD, and he never did… like the smart man he was not.
  20. Foolish – Ashanti
    The 2000s were a prime hip hop decade. JaRule, Ludacris, Missy Elliot… Beyoncé broke off of Destiny’s Child… It was a good decade, and I would sit in class and listen to KS 107.5, the biggest hip hop channel in Colorado, instead of paying attention… because let’s be real… it was weird I was in class to start with. My ass never went to class.
  21. ATWA – System of a Down
    I’d gone to Florida to see family. It was one of the last time I’d see my grandma, and my aunt had signed up for this CD subscription service. They just sent her stuff. When I showed up in a lot of black, blaring all this nu-metal, she was like, “here.” Toxicity was a great album, and it’s still one of my favorites.
  22. (s)AINT – Marilyn Manson
    I didn’t get that much into Manson until the Golden Age of Grotesque album. I know that’s heckin’ late to the game, but it’s how things happened. This song, in particular, was the anthem of Lea. She was my best friend, and I was totally in love with her like the psycho I definitely was. She was straight, and Mormon, so it didn’t go anywhere, but I was just in love with being around her. It killed me when she dropped me, but I’m back to a point where this song doesn’t hurt anymore. Just took like 8 years.
  23. Toxic – Britney Spear
    D1 loves Britney. He’s always loved Britney. He will always love Britney. We listened to Toxic a lot in his apt, drunk on box wine. We also gave a lot of lap dances to it… It was a thing we did for a while: lap dance contests. The judge was usually whatever guy I was dating or had just brought with me. We were obscene.
  24. Metro – The Vincent Black Shadow
    I don’t remember how I got into this band, but I fell for them hard. This song shows up on the soundtrack for a movie called Feast. Also on that album is a song called “Don’t Come Back.” D1 and I bet that this was during a really awful chase scene, so we found and bought the movie to prove it. The movie is bad in a great way. So we also watched the other two Feast movies. Best 6 hours of your life you’re never going to get back.
  25. Hey Jude – The Beatles
    I had a boyfriend named Robbie that would sing this to me. He even played it for me on the piano. I really liked Robbie, but Robbie had problems. Drug problems. Parent problems. Self identity problems. Homelessness problems. It was too much for me. I deserved better, but I haven’t forgotten him to time.
  26. Love Is Paranoid – The Distillers
    When I was really trying to figure myself out, The Distillers were a big part of my life. I did a lot of soul searching to their Coral Fang album. I feel like they’re responsible for some of my better nuances.
  27. I Don’t Love You – My Chemical Romance
    Are there people who weren’t emotionally and spiritually touched by The Black Parade? If so, they’re missing out.
  28. Zombies Ate Her Brain – The Creepshow
    I was dating a severe alcoholic, that was technically still married, from Wyoming, that loved rockabilly music, and this was Travis’ ringtone. I couldn’t love Travis enough to fix him. There was a lot of baggage… Still, I loved his kids. I took them to Zoo Lights, and birthday parties… I really liked spending time with them.
  29. Tear You Apart – She Wants Revenge
    This song is all Traci. Traci was my boyfriend’s roommate. We were best friends for a long time. I’d been seeing Vaunder, and his roommate when we started dating was an asshole. His fiancé was Traci. We had so many adventures, and I loved her kids, and it was all drama and fun. Over time things changed. the asshole roomie was shunned, and later killed himself. Her kids grew up, and she hooked up with a guy that she really wanted to make a life with. We grew apart then, because she was being an adult, and I wasn’t there yet. Still… great memories.
  30. Santa Clara Twilight – Tiger Army
    After Traci went off to be an adult, I did soul searching again… to a lot of rockabilly. Tiger Army is just a good band, and I binge listened to them while I tried to figure myself out.
  31. OK, It’s Alright With Me – Eric Hutchinson
    At the beginning of my relationship with Mike, this song was everywhere. He moved in, and all I wanted at the time was for this to be my last relationship. Again, though, I couldn’t take the baggage. So much baggage…
  32. Kept On Walking- Rehab
    Rehab was Mike’s favorite group. He had drug problems, and I guess they just spoke to him. I pushed Mike out of my life, but I kept the music… because I didn’t have drug problems, but Rehab was about more than that. Rehab was something I listened to so I could process the failure. It was a big failure. I was alone, and I had pushed a lot of people away, lost friends, and my life felt empty. When they came through I made my then-boyfriend, Grant, go to the show with me, cuz he liked rap. He hated the show. It wasn’t his kind of rap. Lol.
  33. Sheer Madness – Polkadot Cadaver
    The album I wanted by Pdot isn’t on Spotify. I wanted this to be Haunted Holiday, but Sheer Madness was a good song, so we’ll keep it. Polkadot Cadaver was the first concert I went to at a small bar in Denver. Traci DRAGGED me there, and I ended up loving the scene and loving them. It opened a whole new social door I would lean on as time when on and things changed.
  34. Secrets On Our Lips – Astronautalis
    Grant’s favorite artist was Astronautalis. When we got into it, Grant got cheated in our relationship. He was looking for forever, and I just wasn’t. He was great, and I have nothing bad to say about him, but I knew he wanted family and marriage, and after the last disappointment, I knew I wasn’t going to be ready for that for ages, so I cut him loose. I’m happy to report he found himself a wife, and he seems very happy now, but sometimes I miss having someone so steady and solid in my life. He was my rock for a while.
  35. Moonbase Blues – Crunk Witch
    After Grant, I didn’t date much. I just enjoyed being single for the first time in my life, and really embraced doing things alone. I went to concerts alone. I went to the KBPI car show alone. I really found my independence, and Crunk Witch was there for me. I saw them in a small bar in Denver, and I was the ONLY PERSON THERE. It was a weirdly magical experience. You haven’t really experienced a performance until it is JUST FOR YOU. They were great. They played everything I wanted to hear and chatted casually to me afterward. I’ll never forget it.
  36. Melody Dean – Amanda Palmer & The Grand Theft Orchestra
    Before Billie left for Oregon, we went to an Amanda Palmer concert together for this album. She went to the album signing and brought me the signed album. We had a great night and it was a killer concert with a packed venue. It killed me when she left for Oregon, but I’ll always have that concert as a great memory.
  37. Dressed In Dreams – Brody Dalle
    Brody Dalle broke out on her own from the Distillers, and I grew even more. I was obsessed with this album. Everything about it screamed to me, and I couldn’t help but listen to it over and over and over again. Another one of those albums I kind of found myself to.
  38. Beside Myself – Glass Delirium
    Glass Delirium was D2’s band. I followed them for years, and it was only after they kind of defected that D2 became a part of my actual life. This song is from their first album, now out of print. I remember seeing them on a stage, all glitter and goth, and just bathing in the cliché glory of it all. I’m still sad they’re not a thing anymore, and D2 isn’t making music anymore.
  39. Terrible Things – Brick + Mortar
    I went through a dark phase, where every morning was hell. I didn’t like being alive, I didn’t have good reasons to get out of bed, but I made it through. Along the way was Brick + Mortar. Even their sad songs have a boppin’ beat, man. It helped. It gave me ASMR feels and even though I didn’t know them, I wasn’t alone in my sadness, and that made all the difference.
  40. Light It Up ( feat. Nyla & Fuse ODG) – Remix — Major Lazer
    This is where I am right now. I’m not perfect, but I’m doing well. I’ve fallen into this electronic and dance music hole, and I think it’s good for my mental health. Any doctor would say music that makes your body move is probably good for you, I think.

Honorable Mentions

Obviously, I couldn’t fit ALL the songs from my life on a 40 song list… so here’s the honorable mentions.

  1. When The Lights Go Out – Five
    During my boy band phase, I loved Five. They were Irish, so it was different from the NSYNC/BSB battle that was oh so prevalent everywhere. I felt exotic. I was a dumb kid… but the feelings were real.
  2. Blame It On The Weatherman – B*Witched
    Another Irish teeny bopper band… and I loved them. They were all I listened to one summer when I was trying to figure out how to fit in with the other girls at my babysitter’s place. We were vastly different, and I was not yet a real human being with a sense of self.
  3. Southwest Voodoo – Insane Clown Posse
    This is the song that was playing when I backed into a cop car. My first every accident, on senior ditch day in 12th grade. I have refused to listen to ICP in the car ever since… and while they get a lot of hate, I can admit I still like them in a nostalgia kind of way.
  4. Violent Pornography- System of a Down
    I didn’t wanna put people on the list twice, but this song was a god damn banger. D1 was moving away from rock, and he was STILL into it. We would drive around playing “go that way” or “follow that person” and just blast this ish… It was a good time, our car rides.
  5. Thank God I’m Pretty – Emilie Autumn
    I had this stint where I spent a lot of time with this kid Justin. He was a friend of Vaunder’s, younger than us, and he was just fun. When he finally got to adult age, we drifted apart. I haven’t talked to him a long time, now, but we used to hang out in his parking garage and sing all kinds of things, from musicals to metal. This was a favorite.
  6. Nothing Compares 2 U – Sinead O’Connor
    In a weird turn of events and questionable life choices, I had an old internet boyfriend that came to visit me. In true Sam fashion, I took him to D1’s place and we had a lap dance contest. I picked this one as a challenge song, and D1 lap danced to it on Vivek. He won, too. He won forever with that one. Hard to top.
  7. Ghosts – Birdeatsbaby
    I tried to drag Bird into my concert life. This was the only show besides the Glass Delirum and 90% Nineties shows she really got into. She gave it a good try, but it just wasn’t her thing.

Got Hack; Still Feeling Lonely

So earlier this month my Spotify account got hacked.
Of all the accounts someone could have hacked… I guess I got lucky.
::knock on wood::

It was really weird, cuz I went to listen to something and my app said I was listening to music from a Vaio. I haven’t owned a Vaio in YEARS (like 2 laptops ago, and I keep laptops until they die horrible, painful deaths). What was WEIRDER is that I was supposedly listening to some guy that sings in French. While it’s not beyond me to listen to foreign music, as my many German, Korean, Japanese, and Spanish speaking playlists exemplify, I’ve never listened to anyone French except this chick who sings in English with a thick French accent: I’ll Kill Her – Soko

So, there’s a handy “Log Out Of Everywhere” feature on the Spotify site, and I queued that up from my phone, since I was at work, and knocked the person out… Just for them to get back in and try again. I find that hella frustrating. What I found completely unacceptable and fucked, however, was that they DELETED ALL OF MY PLAYLISTS. Now, I know that if you delete a playlist, Spotify saves them for like a year and you can go into the Spotify site and resurrect them, but at the time, all I knew is that all my music, that I spent YEARS putting into playlists that correlated with feelings and purpose and shit, was gone. I’m extraordinarily sentimental for a heartless Android Girl, so I just FREAKED OUT.

Spotify, to their credit, was very helpful. They first confirmed that I was the account owner, since I have Premium, and then locked the whole account. They had me make a new account, and dropped in all of my playlists and music library, as well as migrating my followers, and for my trouble they gave me a month of Premium for free. So, it was a stressful couple of days while I waited for them to get everything sorted, but in the end they did a great job at customer service.

The couple of things they couldn’t move, though, were my Daily Mixes and my radio stations. Kind of good and bad. I’d accidentally removed System of a Down from my rock/metal Daily Mix, and I’d hemmed in my Marilyn Manson radio so far down that it almost exclusively played Mason. Lol. So, I’ve been trying to build those back up, but it’s been slow. I finally got a couple of Daily Mixes today, though. I have an emo/rock station, which amused me endlessly, and a kpop station. Lol. That says so much about my personality that I never wanted anyone to know. 😛

I’m using this block quote as a page break.

In unrelated news, I’m still sad and lonely.

Depression is weird. I feel like I want to be around 100 people and socialize and laugh and maybe get wicked drunk, but if anyone wants to do anything with me I immediately want to find a reason not to see them. Like I want to be around people, but I don’t want to go to anyone’s house, or wherever they are going for the evening, or to the car show which I invited David 2 to… like…I don’t know why my feelings are like that. How can you crave people, but hate the idea of leaving your house? It doesn’t even make sense.

On a more comical note, after all that bullshit with Kaiser where I ended cancelling that psychiatric nurse phone call and just making an appt with my normal, off-Kaiser physician (see 2 posts back), the Kaiser mental health facility that I had called keeps calling me. I don’t answer, because phone calls are for psychopaths (and I am a sociopath, thank you), and I’ve noticed that the calls are getting more concerned as time goes on.

Voicemail 1: “Hello, this is ___________ with Kaiser Mental Health. We received your referral from a psychiatric nurse phone call earlier this week, and we were calling to schedule you for services. Please call us back at (phone number withheld).”

Voicemail 2: “Hello, this is ___________ with Kaiser Mental Health.We received your referral from a psychiatric nurse phone call on Monday, and we have not heard back from you on scheduling services. Please give us a call back at (phone number withheld) at your earliest convenience.”

Voicemail 3: “Hello, this is ___________ with Kaiser Mental Health.We received a referral for you last week, and we haven’t been able to contact you to schedules any services. Please give us a call back at (phone number withheld) at your earliest convenience, and ask for the triage unit.”

Voicemail 4 (today): “Hello, this is ___________ with Kaiser Mental Health. We’ve been trying to contact you in reference to a referral phone call you made last week. Please call us back at (phone number withheld) to speak with the triage unit about scheduling services. I hope you’re doing well. Thank you.”

That last girl sounded real concerned no one has heard from me in a week. Lol. I know it’s not nice to enjoy someone’s concern, but I really do. After going rounds with them just to find out that they couldn’t do anything for me until mid-May anyways, it definitely felt like they could give a shit. So, I’m enjoying the increasing concern. Tonight I’ll figure out how to email them and let them know that I’ve sought care elsewhere, but in the meantime it’s hilarious.

But yeah… that’s where I’m at… trying to alienate myself from everyone, while also aching to be around them.

Danny’s Memorial Show

The line for Danny’s Memorial Show.

Somehow, within just a week, a good friend of Danny’s put together a show to celebrate his life. I honestly can’t think of a better way to celebrate a great musician and a great man. 

I’m here now, leaning up against a wall on the smoking patio, just watching. It’s a weird atmosphere. I dunno what I expected. I’m not good at emotions, and I’m definitely not good with death, so my reactions are mixed. Still it’s fascinating to see a packed venue full of people that a person touched and how they’re taking it. I’ve seen crying, which was expected, but I’ve seen laughing. There have been hugs and drinks, smiles and distant stares.

It’s amazing how many people are here, even people I haven’t seen at a show in years. It just makes me wonder if Danny knew how many people he managed to touch, how many people have great stories about him, how many people are going to miss him.

I find grief interesting in the sense that people don’t often cry for the lost. More often they cry for the piece of their lives they lost. That’s ok. It’s not an inappropriate emotion in times of crisis. You can’t always differentiate between the two, especially when that person was such a big part of your life. 

Danny was not a major part of my life, and I’m sad about that. He was such a good person, and I wish that I’d known him better. You can feel the way he touched every life and how important he was to some people here. 

My friend Hannah’s band is playing tonight, and she was close to Danny. In spite of how strong she can appear, she’s hurting a lot. A lot of people have turned to her for support, and it seems like it’s taking a toll on her a bit. I hope the show is therapeutic  for her. She and and her husband brought every piece of Danny’s discography that they had, going back years to his first demo. I wish they’d sell copies… I’d buy one. 

Danny’s best friend and band mate is here, along with the rest of the band. He seems okay, but I know better than to believe appearances. I haven’t spoken to him yet, and I don’t know if I will. I’m not good at what to say to the grieving. 

The Denver music scene lost a good friend last weekend. And all you need for proof of that is to ask anyone here. Laughing, crying, drinking, or blogging via phone, we all felt Danny’s passing. I can only hope that with this loss someone out there might realize they have touched more people than they could ever know, and that they are cared about.

Scarlet Canary – Hannah’s Band. Look up their song Blink. Tonight will be the last time they ever play it live… and it’s worth hearing.

Nice Nerd & Seeing the Step-Sister


I seem to have met a nice guy on Tinder. Who knew that was a thing that happened?

I’ve been talking to a number of geeks. I’m a geek. I thought a geek would like another geek. I don’t like other geeks. They’re weird.

I was talking to this one guy who seemed alright, but literally… Literally… This is the conversation we had on Sunday.

Him: How was your weekend?
Me: It was great. Had a lot of fun.
Him: I’m glad. 🙂 Me too. I went to church, had dinner with the parents, and fed my Magic habit.
Me: I drank two nights in a row and got propositioned for a threesome at a metal concert. I’m getting the feeling we are not the same kind of person.
Him: Yeah, I don’t usually go to Church, but it was a nice change of pace.
Him: Well, did the the proposition throw you off?
Me: Nah. Been there, done that. Just not a couple I’d be interested in.

Okay, so let’s review.

His Magic habit refers to Magic the Gathering. It’s a card game for those of you with less geeky habits. I know how to play. The cards have great artwork and it’s actually pretty fun. What this guy did was not spend an evening playing this with friends, though. He spent all of Friday night and all of Saturday playing Magic the Gathering at a tournament. I’ve been to an MtG tournament… it’s awkward… lots of Neckbeards. Not a lot of socializing.

Then, he went to church. With a capital C. He capitalizes church. Now, I knew from reading his OkCupid profile questions that he was Christian. I have no religion, so I try not to judge… but he says weird shit… Such as if you don’t agree with Christian values, you’re a problem. I don’t agree with Christian values. We hadn’t discussed that. It hadn’t come up… but after reading all his OkC questions, I already knew his religion and his politics were going to ruin any interest I had in him to start with.

Now… the threesome. I obviously said that to see what he’s do. He didn’t respond at all… Haven’t heard from him since… But it’s not a lie. I was actually propositioned. Lol.

You see, what happened was…

I had been casually talking to this nerdy guy. I had right-swiped on a bunch of randos just to dig up some material for my horrible dating blog. This guy was actually pretty okay, though. Didn’t say anything stupid. Little nerdy, but nerdy ain’t bad. TERRIBLE picture, though. I offered to get a beer with him on Thursday, his dad was visiting, so we rainchecked. The next evening I went to a 90s cover show. It was at a shitty dive bar, and I was just going because my friend wanted to hang out and I hate karaoke.

He politely asked if he could come.
I said sure.
What was the worst that could happen.

I didn’t dress up. I dressed down, really. Somehow I managed wearing the jeans I no longer fit in, with a tank top and a plaid men’s shirt, with a grey beanie. I walked into the bar, and I didn’t see anyone in my age range, but I got a message from him asking if I’d just walked in… so then I looked around and there was a guy that KINDA looked like his terrible picture. He was covered in tattoos, had to be like 50+, was wearing a way too tight racing t-shirt, rock a pseudo mullet… and I was like… FUCK. Not again.

Fortunately, that wasn’t him. He must have been waiting in his car, because he came in after. I, in my infinite inability to know social decorum, did not hesitate to tell him how relieved I was that he wasn’t weird older tight shirt guy. He laughed and told me that he was glad I’m pretty and not a ho. Apparently we both haven’t had great luck.

We talked. He was interesting. He was funny. He was polite. He was super nice. He didn’t mind that I smoke when I drink. Later, after my friend left to pursue her karaoke, we hung out outside, in the cold, and played each other music. Which is weird to do when you’re supposed to be at a show, but it was fun. We slow-danced, he tried to teach me to waltz. It was so cute.

After that we hung out in his car for a bit and continued to listen to music…. then I went home.

No goodnight kiss. Which… tbh is a good thing.

So then I invited him to this show. The last thing we talked about is that he wanted to play me this Taylor Swift cover.

As it happens… I know that band. In fact, Saturday night I was going to see them and The Anchor play. I was really excited about it… so I called around and found him a ticket… and invited him… Because…

Did you see this adorable little thing scream? THAT IS REALLY HER. She can throat sing. It’s MFing badass.

A few weeks ago I’d also run into an old friend from high school. She and I weren’t great friends, but it was nice to see her. I’d told her about the show and she and her man were excited to see a show headlined by girls.

I got there early to get his ticket and wait for all of them while I chatted with Hannah from Scarlet Canary. I made a new friend, talked to some other people…

My step-sister, whom I have not spoken to in 2-3 years or more, walked in with her baby daddy and a group of friends. I froze. I froze solid. I don’t have anything against my step-sister, but I knew dad used to take the fam out to punk shows, and I was worried he might show up…. She didn’t see me. I was within arm’s reach of her, but she didn’t see me. Slowly I pulled out my phone and texted my Cali BFF in a panic.

His response? “Walk up to her and start singing a punk rock Adele! Just be like, ‘Hello… It’s me!’ “
It wasn’t a BAD idea, but I didn’t do it. If I could scream like Linzey from The Anchor I might’ve done it.

Some time later she was leaving and she saw me. I know she saw me, because I saw her through the window, and the panicky half-run she broke into leaving the establishment. It was just to smoke a bowl or something, though, because she was back later. We both enthusiastically avoided each other for the evening, though. Thank god. I dunno who she knew at the show… but I wasn’t really into talking to her.

I somehow missed my high school friend arriving, even though I was sitting next to the door. Kevin, his name is Kevin, arrived just after the first band started, and he hung out with me and my new friend!

What I really like about him, right now, is that I don’t HAVE to be part of the conversation when there’s other people there. When he came to the 90s show he talked to my friend about port and her kids and some other stuff. At the metal show he talked to my new friend about cars and just whatever she said. She has a very non-sequitur way of conversating, but it didn’t seem to bother him at all.

He’s a nerd with a 3D printer, but he’s pretty well-rounded, too. He’s fixed Ferrari and Mercedes…. he grew up on a farm, but spent summers in England… he went to college in Europe, and can play bass and drums… He’s really quite interesting. He likes the music I listen to and is pretty interested in things I talk about… even if that’s mostly ranting about the counter intuitive controls of the Batmobile on Arkham Knight, and how the game is super saturated with having to use it, instead of it being a fun addition that everyone wanted… It should have bee required for like 1/5th of the main missions and be optional for others and then have mini-games and expansion packs… Plus better controls… fucking… so mad at that game. But he doesn’t mind I bitch about it.

So we hung out at the show. He likes to hold my hand, or waist. He tolerated my high school friend, even though she and her boyfriend got WASTED and said weird shit, including her telling me that she still has a crush on me from high school and asking if I’d like to join them in bed… or maybe just me and her… could the guy watch? I’m just like… I must get back to my date… Then later she lost it a bit more when she decided to tell us about her body suit that clasped in the crotch and how it was chafing her twat. She asked us to help her unlatch it… and as I stared very hard at the MMA match on the TV, Kevin politely declined, but was nice enough to help hide the fact her bf was undoing it in the middle of the bar… it was so ridiculous.

Later, after we saw My Own Iris (a rebrand of Resonance) and Scarlet Canary, we were lining up for The Anchor to play, and he said, “You know you’re hot, right?”

Now… you might know this already, but I don’t react really well to that kind of compliment. I like words like pretty, cute, adorable, eccentric, intelligent, fascinating… So I didn’t take it that well. I guess I visually looked uncomfortable. I explained it’s just not my kind of compliment. So he agreed and said I was adorable instead. I liked that so much that I didn’t mind when he added that I’m still really hot when I really get into the music. I prolly am hot. I dunno.

We made it through about half of The Anchor. I have a shitty knee that I was standing on and bouncing on for two nights, and I was ready to throw up from extended pain. He was okay with leaving, though. It had been snowing, but had thankfully stopped, so he even brushed off my car for me. I, in turn, drove him back to his car, since mine was close and his was not.

Still no kiss goodnight.

I like the guy. I really do. I think he could be a good… companion. Like in Doctor Who terms. I would like to see much more of him.

I dunno about dating or having sex with him, yet. Being aromantic and asexual dampers that… but I like him, and we’re only two days in… so… we shall see.