Got Hack; Still Feeling Lonely

So earlier this month my Spotify account got hacked.
Of all the accounts someone could have hacked… I guess I got lucky.
::knock on wood::

It was really weird, cuz I went to listen to something and my app said I was listening to music from a Vaio. I haven’t owned a Vaio in YEARS (like 2 laptops ago, and I keep laptops until they die horrible, painful deaths). What was WEIRDER is that I was supposedly listening to some guy that sings in French. While it’s not beyond me to listen to foreign music, as my many German, Korean, Japanese, and Spanish speaking playlists exemplify, I’ve never listened to anyone French except this chick who sings in English with a thick French accent: I’ll Kill Her – Soko

So, there’s a handy “Log Out Of Everywhere” feature on the Spotify site, and I queued that up from my phone, since I was at work, and knocked the person out… Just for them to get back in and try again. I find that hella frustrating. What I found completely unacceptable and fucked, however, was that they DELETED ALL OF MY PLAYLISTS. Now, I know that if you delete a playlist, Spotify saves them for like a year and you can go into the Spotify site and resurrect them, but at the time, all I knew is that all my music, that I spent YEARS putting into playlists that correlated with feelings and purpose and shit, was gone. I’m extraordinarily sentimental for a heartless Android Girl, so I just FREAKED OUT.

Spotify, to their credit, was very helpful. They first confirmed that I was the account owner, since I have Premium, and then locked the whole account. They had me make a new account, and dropped in all of my playlists and music library, as well as migrating my followers, and for my trouble they gave me a month of Premium for free. So, it was a stressful couple of days while I waited for them to get everything sorted, but in the end they did a great job at customer service.

The couple of things they couldn’t move, though, were my Daily Mixes and my radio stations. Kind of good and bad. I’d accidentally removed System of a Down from my rock/metal Daily Mix, and I’d hemmed in my Marilyn Manson radio so far down that it almost exclusively played Mason. Lol. So, I’ve been trying to build those back up, but it’s been slow. I finally got a couple of Daily Mixes today, though. I have an emo/rock station, which amused me endlessly, and a kpop station. Lol. That says so much about my personality that I never wanted anyone to know. 😛

I’m using this block quote as a page break.

In unrelated news, I’m still sad and lonely.

Depression is weird. I feel like I want to be around 100 people and socialize and laugh and maybe get wicked drunk, but if anyone wants to do anything with me I immediately want to find a reason not to see them. Like I want to be around people, but I don’t want to go to anyone’s house, or wherever they are going for the evening, or to the car show which I invited David 2 to… like…I don’t know why my feelings are like that. How can you crave people, but hate the idea of leaving your house? It doesn’t even make sense.

On a more comical note, after all that bullshit with Kaiser where I ended cancelling that psychiatric nurse phone call and just making an appt with my normal, off-Kaiser physician (see 2 posts back), the Kaiser mental health facility that I had called keeps calling me. I don’t answer, because phone calls are for psychopaths (and I am a sociopath, thank you), and I’ve noticed that the calls are getting more concerned as time goes on.

Voicemail 1: “Hello, this is ___________ with Kaiser Mental Health. We received your referral from a psychiatric nurse phone call earlier this week, and we were calling to schedule you for services. Please call us back at (phone number withheld).”

Voicemail 2: “Hello, this is ___________ with Kaiser Mental Health.We received your referral from a psychiatric nurse phone call on Monday, and we have not heard back from you on scheduling services. Please give us a call back at (phone number withheld) at your earliest convenience.”

Voicemail 3: “Hello, this is ___________ with Kaiser Mental Health.We received a referral for you last week, and we haven’t been able to contact you to schedules any services. Please give us a call back at (phone number withheld) at your earliest convenience, and ask for the triage unit.”

Voicemail 4 (today): “Hello, this is ___________ with Kaiser Mental Health. We’ve been trying to contact you in reference to a referral phone call you made last week. Please call us back at (phone number withheld) to speak with the triage unit about scheduling services. I hope you’re doing well. Thank you.”

That last girl sounded real concerned no one has heard from me in a week. Lol. I know it’s not nice to enjoy someone’s concern, but I really do. After going rounds with them just to find out that they couldn’t do anything for me until mid-May anyways, it definitely felt like they could give a shit. So, I’m enjoying the increasing concern. Tonight I’ll figure out how to email them and let them know that I’ve sought care elsewhere, but in the meantime it’s hilarious.

But yeah… that’s where I’m at… trying to alienate myself from everyone, while also aching to be around them.


Danny’s Memorial Show

The line for Danny’s Memorial Show.

Somehow, within just a week, a good friend of Danny’s put together a show to celebrate his life. I honestly can’t think of a better way to celebrate a great musician and a great man. 

I’m here now, leaning up against a wall on the smoking patio, just watching. It’s a weird atmosphere. I dunno what I expected. I’m not good at emotions, and I’m definitely not good with death, so my reactions are mixed. Still it’s fascinating to see a packed venue full of people that a person touched and how they’re taking it. I’ve seen crying, which was expected, but I’ve seen laughing. There have been hugs and drinks, smiles and distant stares.

It’s amazing how many people are here, even people I haven’t seen at a show in years. It just makes me wonder if Danny knew how many people he managed to touch, how many people have great stories about him, how many people are going to miss him.

I find grief interesting in the sense that people don’t often cry for the lost. More often they cry for the piece of their lives they lost. That’s ok. It’s not an inappropriate emotion in times of crisis. You can’t always differentiate between the two, especially when that person was such a big part of your life. 

Danny was not a major part of my life, and I’m sad about that. He was such a good person, and I wish that I’d known him better. You can feel the way he touched every life and how important he was to some people here. 

My friend Hannah’s band is playing tonight, and she was close to Danny. In spite of how strong she can appear, she’s hurting a lot. A lot of people have turned to her for support, and it seems like it’s taking a toll on her a bit. I hope the show is therapeutic  for her. She and and her husband brought every piece of Danny’s discography that they had, going back years to his first demo. I wish they’d sell copies… I’d buy one. 

Danny’s best friend and band mate is here, along with the rest of the band. He seems okay, but I know better than to believe appearances. I haven’t spoken to him yet, and I don’t know if I will. I’m not good at what to say to the grieving. 

The Denver music scene lost a good friend last weekend. And all you need for proof of that is to ask anyone here. Laughing, crying, drinking, or blogging via phone, we all felt Danny’s passing. I can only hope that with this loss someone out there might realize they have touched more people than they could ever know, and that they are cared about.

Scarlet Canary – Hannah’s Band. Look up their song Blink. Tonight will be the last time they ever play it live… and it’s worth hearing.

Nice Nerd & Seeing the Step-Sister


I seem to have met a nice guy on Tinder. Who knew that was a thing that happened?

I’ve been talking to a number of geeks. I’m a geek. I thought a geek would like another geek. I don’t like other geeks. They’re weird.

I was talking to this one guy who seemed alright, but literally… Literally… This is the conversation we had on Sunday.

Him: How was your weekend?
Me: It was great. Had a lot of fun.
Him: I’m glad. 🙂 Me too. I went to church, had dinner with the parents, and fed my Magic habit.
Me: I drank two nights in a row and got propositioned for a threesome at a metal concert. I’m getting the feeling we are not the same kind of person.
Him: Yeah, I don’t usually go to Church, but it was a nice change of pace.
Him: Well, did the the proposition throw you off?
Me: Nah. Been there, done that. Just not a couple I’d be interested in.

Okay, so let’s review.

His Magic habit refers to Magic the Gathering. It’s a card game for those of you with less geeky habits. I know how to play. The cards have great artwork and it’s actually pretty fun. What this guy did was not spend an evening playing this with friends, though. He spent all of Friday night and all of Saturday playing Magic the Gathering at a tournament. I’ve been to an MtG tournament… it’s awkward… lots of Neckbeards. Not a lot of socializing.

Then, he went to church. With a capital C. He capitalizes church. Now, I knew from reading his OkCupid profile questions that he was Christian. I have no religion, so I try not to judge… but he says weird shit… Such as if you don’t agree with Christian values, you’re a problem. I don’t agree with Christian values. We hadn’t discussed that. It hadn’t come up… but after reading all his OkC questions, I already knew his religion and his politics were going to ruin any interest I had in him to start with.

Now… the threesome. I obviously said that to see what he’s do. He didn’t respond at all… Haven’t heard from him since… But it’s not a lie. I was actually propositioned. Lol.

You see, what happened was…

I had been casually talking to this nerdy guy. I had right-swiped on a bunch of randos just to dig up some material for my horrible dating blog. This guy was actually pretty okay, though. Didn’t say anything stupid. Little nerdy, but nerdy ain’t bad. TERRIBLE picture, though. I offered to get a beer with him on Thursday, his dad was visiting, so we rainchecked. The next evening I went to a 90s cover show. It was at a shitty dive bar, and I was just going because my friend wanted to hang out and I hate karaoke.

He politely asked if he could come.
I said sure.
What was the worst that could happen.

I didn’t dress up. I dressed down, really. Somehow I managed wearing the jeans I no longer fit in, with a tank top and a plaid men’s shirt, with a grey beanie. I walked into the bar, and I didn’t see anyone in my age range, but I got a message from him asking if I’d just walked in… so then I looked around and there was a guy that KINDA looked like his terrible picture. He was covered in tattoos, had to be like 50+, was wearing a way too tight racing t-shirt, rock a pseudo mullet… and I was like… FUCK. Not again.

Fortunately, that wasn’t him. He must have been waiting in his car, because he came in after. I, in my infinite inability to know social decorum, did not hesitate to tell him how relieved I was that he wasn’t weird older tight shirt guy. He laughed and told me that he was glad I’m pretty and not a ho. Apparently we both haven’t had great luck.

We talked. He was interesting. He was funny. He was polite. He was super nice. He didn’t mind that I smoke when I drink. Later, after my friend left to pursue her karaoke, we hung out outside, in the cold, and played each other music. Which is weird to do when you’re supposed to be at a show, but it was fun. We slow-danced, he tried to teach me to waltz. It was so cute.

After that we hung out in his car for a bit and continued to listen to music…. then I went home.

No goodnight kiss. Which… tbh is a good thing.

So then I invited him to this show. The last thing we talked about is that he wanted to play me this Taylor Swift cover.

As it happens… I know that band. In fact, Saturday night I was going to see them and The Anchor play. I was really excited about it… so I called around and found him a ticket… and invited him… Because…

Did you see this adorable little thing scream? THAT IS REALLY HER. She can throat sing. It’s MFing badass.

A few weeks ago I’d also run into an old friend from high school. She and I weren’t great friends, but it was nice to see her. I’d told her about the show and she and her man were excited to see a show headlined by girls.

I got there early to get his ticket and wait for all of them while I chatted with Hannah from Scarlet Canary. I made a new friend, talked to some other people…

My step-sister, whom I have not spoken to in 2-3 years or more, walked in with her baby daddy and a group of friends. I froze. I froze solid. I don’t have anything against my step-sister, but I knew dad used to take the fam out to punk shows, and I was worried he might show up…. She didn’t see me. I was within arm’s reach of her, but she didn’t see me. Slowly I pulled out my phone and texted my Cali BFF in a panic.

His response? “Walk up to her and start singing a punk rock Adele! Just be like, ‘Hello… It’s me!’ “
It wasn’t a BAD idea, but I didn’t do it. If I could scream like Linzey from The Anchor I might’ve done it.

Some time later she was leaving and she saw me. I know she saw me, because I saw her through the window, and the panicky half-run she broke into leaving the establishment. It was just to smoke a bowl or something, though, because she was back later. We both enthusiastically avoided each other for the evening, though. Thank god. I dunno who she knew at the show… but I wasn’t really into talking to her.

I somehow missed my high school friend arriving, even though I was sitting next to the door. Kevin, his name is Kevin, arrived just after the first band started, and he hung out with me and my new friend!

What I really like about him, right now, is that I don’t HAVE to be part of the conversation when there’s other people there. When he came to the 90s show he talked to my friend about port and her kids and some other stuff. At the metal show he talked to my new friend about cars and just whatever she said. She has a very non-sequitur way of conversating, but it didn’t seem to bother him at all.

He’s a nerd with a 3D printer, but he’s pretty well-rounded, too. He’s fixed Ferrari and Mercedes…. he grew up on a farm, but spent summers in England… he went to college in Europe, and can play bass and drums… He’s really quite interesting. He likes the music I listen to and is pretty interested in things I talk about… even if that’s mostly ranting about the counter intuitive controls of the Batmobile on Arkham Knight, and how the game is super saturated with having to use it, instead of it being a fun addition that everyone wanted… It should have bee required for like 1/5th of the main missions and be optional for others and then have mini-games and expansion packs… Plus better controls… fucking… so mad at that game. But he doesn’t mind I bitch about it.

So we hung out at the show. He likes to hold my hand, or waist. He tolerated my high school friend, even though she and her boyfriend got WASTED and said weird shit, including her telling me that she still has a crush on me from high school and asking if I’d like to join them in bed… or maybe just me and her… could the guy watch? I’m just like… I must get back to my date… Then later she lost it a bit more when she decided to tell us about her body suit that clasped in the crotch and how it was chafing her twat. She asked us to help her unlatch it… and as I stared very hard at the MMA match on the TV, Kevin politely declined, but was nice enough to help hide the fact her bf was undoing it in the middle of the bar… it was so ridiculous.

Later, after we saw My Own Iris (a rebrand of Resonance) and Scarlet Canary, we were lining up for The Anchor to play, and he said, “You know you’re hot, right?”

Now… you might know this already, but I don’t react really well to that kind of compliment. I like words like pretty, cute, adorable, eccentric, intelligent, fascinating… So I didn’t take it that well. I guess I visually looked uncomfortable. I explained it’s just not my kind of compliment. So he agreed and said I was adorable instead. I liked that so much that I didn’t mind when he added that I’m still really hot when I really get into the music. I prolly am hot. I dunno.

We made it through about half of The Anchor. I have a shitty knee that I was standing on and bouncing on for two nights, and I was ready to throw up from extended pain. He was okay with leaving, though. It had been snowing, but had thankfully stopped, so he even brushed off my car for me. I, in turn, drove him back to his car, since mine was close and his was not.

Still no kiss goodnight.

I like the guy. I really do. I think he could be a good… companion. Like in Doctor Who terms. I would like to see much more of him.

I dunno about dating or having sex with him, yet. Being aromantic and asexual dampers that… but I like him, and we’re only two days in… so… we shall see.