A Magic (TG) Weekend

It’s been so long since I dated that I have forgotten WHEN THE FUCKING ANXIETY GOES AWAY, but I hope it’s soon.

I had a wonderful weekend. It was full of Chris.

Chris had plans to be at a Magic the Gathering tournament Friday, Saturday, and Sunday with his best friend Rob and his friend from out of state, John. His other plans were to see me in the evening.

So, Friday night after the tournament he came over and we went to see 90% Nineties, because I just wanted to get out. I’d had a terrible week: auditors and phones going down and HR problems and employee chaos, oh my. I guess that’s why I ended up drinking too much. I kept apologizing, to which he just replied I deserved to have some fun. We hung out. We played some cards. Bird & Dom came and hung out. We danced. It was a good time. Then he drove me home. I challenged him to Snowboard Kids 2 on N64, and totally kicked his ass. He got stuck. It was great.

Saturday I mostly slept off the hangover, and then hung out with Mom. We had to catch up on some TV. Saturday night, we hung out with Rob and John. I really like Chris’ friends. They’re interesting and fun, and I got to harass Rob about talking to my friend Amber. John is weird, in the sense he reminds me exactly of my friend Lo, except with a beard. They look the same, talk the same, and even move their mouths similarly. It’s fascinating. But we had a good time, played some board games, ate some Chinese. Then they wanted to play a new game, and for some reason we played King’s Cup. No one drank the cup, because we didn’t finish the game. Chris got tired and he was gonna fall asleep on Rob’s sofa, which we’d have to share with John, so I loaded him up and took him home. We were up a while after that, though. We were watching Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs 2, and laughing, and talking, and generally having a nice time just enjoying each other.

Sunday morning was nice. I got up and let the dogs out, and then I read for a while. I let him sleep till about 1130, and then he got up and went to cash in his prize tickets for the tournament. He saw more of Rob and John while I did NOTHING. I love doing nothing. Lol. Later he came back and we ate Indian food while watching The Haunting of Hill House on Netflix. It was a lovely time, really.

Chris came over last night, too. We were being flirty via text and he came over, and while we had a nice sexy time, we also talked about the fact that sometimes our minds wander. I told him that’s okay, and that sex is not the best part of our relationship. He agreed. It was awkward to talk about, but it was nice to kind of get it out there. I’m so used to being the only one that’s got that kind of prob. It’s nice to commiserate. Then we just hung out until he had to leave and go back to his dad life.

It was nice. I like nice.

Advertisements

Beer Fest

 

 

 

 

 

So Friday night I went to dinner with Cat. We got tacos, and margaritas, and then went to Movie Tavern for more drinks, and then we saw Army of Darkness with Robyn. It was even worse than I remembered… but it was a good time!

Saturday, was beer fest day, but first Chris and I went to breakfast at Le Peep. I was slightly hungover and he was really nice about it. Afterward, we had to kill some time before an appointment he had, so we went to the park. I always forget how good of a workout swinging is. We just hung out on the swings. I tried to get him on the merry-go-round, but he didn’t fall for it. Afterwards, we took this ridiculous selfie and went off to his appointment. It took like 5 minutes, and then we had time to kill before we headed downtown.

So, we took a nap before going to his friend Rob’s place. Rob got tickets to the Great American Beer Festival, for his family, but I guess they bailed on him. So, he asked Chris if he wanted to go. I presume that’s when Chris asked if I wanted to go with them. I was obviously nervous, since this was the first time I was meeting one of Chris’ friends. Turns out, though… Rob’s a cool dude. He hadn’t been to the beer fest before, either, but he knew people made pretzel necklaces for it. So we made some while we rode the train down to the festival.

20180922_1751292977867474436706085.jpgSo the way it worked was you got a 1 oz glass, and your ticket gets you in to taste ALL THE BEER. Over 400 brewers, at 2-6 flavors a stall… we drank for like 3 hours. Here is my favorite booth we saw. They had syper cool buttons for their beers. I got one of each… because I’m THAT guy. We went to the Fiction booth, and I made them try Madame Psychosis. We tried some great IPAs. The boys had a peanut butter porter that sounds gross to me, but they seemed to like it. We just walked around and had a genuinely good time. Next year we need a plan, though. We kept trying to find selections that were tapped out, and we walked the floor back and forth several times, because we didn’t go in alphabetical order or with any real direction. Lol.

I, being slightly allergic to wheat, stopped drinking about an hour before the boys did. We got a plate of tacos, I followed them all over the floor several times. The end was hard. My beer drunk faded off, and my heels hurt, and my knee hurt, and I had a headache from drinking beer I shouldn’t have, and I was tired… but I kept up and didn’t let on until we got home.

I drove Chris’ Jeep back to my place, as I’d sobered up, and we went upstairs. We watched an episode of The Orville, and then Regular Show, and then decided to go to sleep. I mention all of that because I am continually surprised at how delighted I am to do such mundane things with Chris. I just like being with him. It’s a feeling I’ve never been conscious of knowing. I know I just enjoyed being around people before, but never so strongly, and I’ve never been so aware of it.

I was sad he had to get up and go to work, but I had a pretty good day. I wasn’t hungover, so that was good. I watched American Horror Story with mom, and we had lunch. Frankie and Bdo hung out with her for the evening, so it was exciting that Frankie was all excited to see me today. I love Frankie. I love Bdo, too, but when I went to bring them home he tried to bite me… because that’s Bdo. We came home and took a nap. And I’ve just been hanging out since then.

I’m not looking forward to tomorrow…. work… and Mom isn’t back until Wednesday… but it’s been such a nice weekend… so I guess it’s fine… Lol. I’d rather spend it staring into Chris’ eyes… like the in-love-psycho I am.

Puddle of Mudd with Saliva!!! (woo)

So let’s see. It’s been a week.
Not a lot happened during the week, but the weekend was fun.

Saturday I got my hair done. I changed it from teal to orange for autumn. I also whacked off the sides, so instead of a fade I just have the sides super crew cut short and it’s long and orange on top. Mom hated it, but I think it will grow on her.

I also got new glasses! Because I needed to see.

Orange

Sunday was an adventure.

So we’d already arranged for Chris to meet my mom at The Nun. Because what other way would you introduce parents to your boyfriend than at a horror movie? He was late, because he and his dad had to go get his sign from his shop. (It never occurred to me that people purchase those signs and then have to figure out what to do with them after the shop goes under.) So his dad dropped him off. He managed to say hello to Mom, but they didn’t get to like… interact that much.

The Nun, btw, wasn’t a BAD movie. It was disappointing only because I expected it to be as good as I felt The Conjuring and The Conjuring 2 were… It’s more of Annabelle territory… like… fun but not outstanding.

After that, he invited me to go meet HIS parents and have lunch.
So.
Let me preface this with, I was dressed in black, wearing skulls, with my new orange hair, and heavy eyeliner. Like I was dressed for a concert, not to meet my boyfriend’s Episcopal parents….

So his parents live in a nice neighborhood, on a nice block, in a nice house with kids playing in the street and green lawns everywhere. We walk in, and the first thing you’re greeted with is “Through God all things are possible…” on the wall right inside the doorway. I was aware there was a startling number of crosses in this house, but that was… odd… for me. Having just seen The Nun, I was already like, “This many crosses in one place definitely means there’s a demon here.”

crosses

Anyways, Addi pops out to say hello, and she’s 5, so she’s excited to see anyone and everyone. It was reassuring. She liked my hair.

So I’m looking around and this is one of those houses with like a sitting room, a dining room, and a living room. The sitting room is full of just… stuff. Like they have a floor, but every flat surface has papers or stuff sitting on it. Same with the formal dining table they don’t seem to use. We move to the living room and kitchen, and it’s much the same. There’s just… stuff. Toys, which were expected, but also the kitchen counter was overloaded with stuff. There was nowhere to like… cut things. The tops of the cabinets were covered in roosters and chickens (which I later found out his mom collects). The table in the kitchen, because this house is big enough for that kind of thing, was also pretty much fully covered in papers and stuff. THERE WAS SO MUCH STUFF.

So that’s when it hits me.

I’ve been agonizing and torturing myself over the state of my home, now that I have someone to invite into it. He never cared. I found that odd. NOW IT FUCKING MAKES SENSE.

Honestly, it’s nice to see a home that looks lived in. I’m so used to people taking me to meet their parents and their house looks like some kind of show home. But like… it also took the pressure off. Do I want my house cleaner? Of course I do… but like, not for Chris. Now I don’t have to worry so much when he comes over that he’s judging me.

Anyways…
Lunch was weird. I didn’t really like it but I ate it. They took Hawaiian rolls, basted them with mayo, dijon mustard, sesame seeds, and then put ham on it and put it in the oven… I would have skipped the mayo, and added cheddar or something… Like, I dunno, it just wasn’t my thing, but I ate it because I like Chris and I wasn’t about to scoff at food his mother made.

Then we hung out for a while. His mom watched the football game, his dad was outside doing something with the lawn mower, and I played with Chris and Addi till it was time to go let my dogs out.

We were going to a concert, you see. I bought us tickets to see my friends in Scarlet Canary open for Saliva and Puddle of Mudd. We ended up having a lot of fun, after I overheated, almost passed out, had to go throw up, and ended up running into a coworker who let us sit at their table under a fan. If we go back to Herman’s for a big event, we will be buying a table. It’s worth the money. Plus both Chris and I aren’t good at standing. I guess he’s got angry knees, and between my shite heels and knee missing a ligament, we just need to accept that we’re old. Lol.

I wanted to introduce him to Hannah straight off, because how cool is it that I have my own personal Joan Jett? But she was so busy we didn’t manage to get to intros till the headliner, Puddle of Mudd, was up there. She was excited to meet the guy that got through all my off-putting bullshit. Lol. I was incredibly flattered that she was aware how hard it is to get through all my off-putting bullshit. Hahaha. It was a good time, though.

  • The first band, a local band, had a great sound instrumentally. I was less of a fan of the vocals… but still. Good sound instrumentally.
  • Scarlet Canary was next, and Hannah rocked her face off, as she does. I love her stage presence.
  • After that was a band called Tantric. I had to google them, because I knew nothing about them. Apparently they were originally the empty shell of what used to be Days of the New, and then the new lead singer kept the rights to their songs as Tantric, and now he has a whole new band setup…
    • He was a trip. After his gig I kept seeing him escorting many a thin blonde to the back where I assume he was storing them in his tour bus for later. I swear he was up to like six. I mentioned this to Hannah and she laughed when I said I was memorizing their faces in case they showed up as missing on the news the next day.
  • The Veer Union was a surprise. They were AWESOME. I will be listening to lots more of The Veer Union. And the lead singer was so freaking nice. I saw him greeting fans and selling merch and he just seemed like a stellar guy.
    • They also did a compilation cover of Linkin Park songs that gave me chills.
  • Saliva was interesting. So I guess in 2012 they got a new lead singer who looks like my friend Rob in another life. It was trippy. They put on a good show. I was happy with it. I’d see it again for sure.
  • Puddle of Mudd… I’m not saying they were super high… but Wes Scantlin seemed high as fuck. He forgot lines, and missed verses, and all his notes were off… but like… it was still fun. I had fun, even if he was high as balls.
    • Saliva was better. Go see Saliva.

Afterwards we went home, watched The Orville, and went to sleep.

I woke up the next morning sick… Chris went home and took an Emergen-C packet… I spent Monday and Tuesday in bed sick. I read a book called In The Shadow of Lakecrest that was an unexpectedly great historical gothic fiction. I definitely thought it would be a horror novel… it was not.

Also, this weekend I decided to name Chris’ penis… because why not? I decided it should be the name of the horse that won the Kentucky Derby the year he was born, but “Spend a Buck” is clunky… so I’m calling it Buck. Lol. Oh man I’m a nerd.

As a closing note… I think I’m in love, guys… it’s fucking weird… but like… I’m so happy.

Hospitalized

So David 2 is in the hospital.

I can’t say I’m surprised, and it’s probably where he needs to be right now. It’s been a weird week of him spiraling and me trying to keep a distance. It’s hard to pull out the pieces to figure out exactly what happened, but here’s what I know.

D2 has been Dx’d as BP-2 for a little over a year. Last year he was hospitalized when he tried to kill himself. As far as I know he was medicated and this was all just triggered by a minor fender bender.

First his car got hit by a street sweeper. I know this because he sent me the pictures, so it’s verifiable. He was bummed, but it was okay. I was told his car was in the shop and he was in a loaner, but his insurance doesn’t cover loaners, because he has the state bare minimum, which is liability only. He asked to borrow the Jeep, knowing I have two cars. I told him that it was going to be in the shop, because I didn’t really want to go into how my mother wouldn’t trust him to borrow our car for any reason.

So he told me that he got sent home from work on Friday, and I just told him to take the weekend to get his shit straight. I still wanted to keep a distance, but it seemed like the vaguest yet most helpful thing I could say. He also saw his shrink, who increased his meds.

Here’s where it gets hazy, and there’s obviously some overlapping lying, and I’m not sure what’s true or what’s not.

He told me Tuesday he hadn’t been to work since Friday, when he got sent home, because he didn’t have a car to get there and asked about the Jeep again. Again I told him something along the line of mom not wanting to lend out a vehicle that might die, even though there’s nothing wrong with my beloved Jeep. He didn’t really talk to me again.

Wednesday when I was home with food poisoning, he thanked me for checking with my mom on the Jeep and stuff. It felt like he was backtracking out of him being mad at me. I know that because it’s the kind of backtracking I do when I’m trying not to let someone know I just thought of them engulfed in flames, but I do it within a few minutes, not a day later. Anyways, he told me he’d been going to work all week, which is in obvious conflict with his previous statement. He also told me he hadn’t been home since Friday, but was staying at his friend’s house and living out of his car, that he’d told me he didn’t have.

I’m not one to call people on lies. I log the information, but I don’t really think it helps anything to call a person on lying.

So he got sent home again on… Thursday, I believe. He texted me about it. I honestly didn’t care. I have no idea how he affords to live with all this time he takes off. I know he’s got intermittent FMLA since his last breakdown, but still, you’d think he’d need the money? I dunno. Anyways, he was trying to get me to illicit some worry again, and I just told him he needed to call his parents or his sister, because someone should know he’s having a hard time. He assured me his mother was there with him. I don’t know if she was.

And then I didn’t hear from him until he left a voicemail on my phone from the hospital’s number telling me he was there. I don’t’ answer numbers I don’t know. For future reference I DID put the number in my contacts. Just in case.

This is just what happened as it was explained to me via text messages. Also mingled in there was his constant fighting with Spenser. One day they’re friends and hitting the gym together, the next he’s telling me about how he told his shrink that he’d spent time plotting Spenser’s death. I tried not to voice any opinions on that, since Spenser is part of the group of friends he procured at his job. I really wanted him to forget about me and just lean on them. Also, of the ones I’ve met, which are all of them I think, I don’t really like Spenser. He’s a burnout. More than that, he’s a burnout with a big mouth that wears Buddha beads. I dislike people that misrepresent things, and if there was ever a misrepresentation of Buddhism, you find it in Spenser.

So… I’m assuming he’s in for a 72 hour hold for suicide watch… and I’m not sure what will happen after that. I don’t know what I’ll do when he’s out again. I thought of going to see him, but I don’t think I will. I’m honestly still trying to drive a space between us. I don’t want him dead; I just don’t want him in my life anymore.

I’m sure that sounds harsh, but here’s the thing… I’ve been diagnosed as bipolar 1 for going on 12 years now, and I’ve figured out how to deal with myself. I’ve managed to never be hospitalized, though at times I probably should have been. I’ve managed to learn to live without medication, even though it gets REAL fucking hard. I’ve learned to survive, even though I’ve tried so many times to destroy myself. At the end of all that you tend to realize that you have to look out for yourself, because no one else is going to, and I already know D2 isn’t going to be there for me.

I already knew. I knew the night I got drugged at a show we were at together and he let an ambulance take me, alone, to a hospital. He didn’t go with me. He didn’t make efforts to try and contact anyone I knew to go see to me. He just let me go, and his defense was that I was in the care of the people that could help me. Now, he’s in the care of the people that can maybe help him, and I’m not going to go running. I know where we stand.


In other news, I’ve had a lovely weekend.

Mothership and I went to the farmer’s market yesterday and walked around. We were hoping the Halloween stuff would be up, but later found out that they’re throwing a whole month-long festival for Halloween in October, so it’s taking a while to put everything up. I bought stuff to make salsa, and we got Chipotle on the way home.

I watched THE NANNY (1965) while Mothership took a nap, and then I bought ice cream and headed over to Cat’s place.

I work with Cat, but we’re also casual friends. We might not be close, but we’re around for each other and we get along. At one point her gay bestie was dating D2, even. She had a hard week, because her dragon baby (which is what I call her iguana) got sick. Charlie was having seizures and she didn’t know why. She took him to the vet and they hoped it was a calcium deficiency, which can be a big problem for reptiles. They loaded him up with calcium and he’s been doing a lot better. She was also informed that he’s a pretty old domestic iguana, though. Apparently the vet said she’d never seen one live over 13 years, and Charlie is already 10. Captive iguanas have been recorded to live to be 20, but that’s in zoos, and that’s what kind of time Cat thought she had with him.

To top things off, Cat has a problem where her blood builds up too much iron and she has to go donate blood to keep her iron levels in check. So after being up all night with Charlie Thursday, and going to work Friday worried as fuck, she had to go get a bunch of her blood removed. It always wipes her out, and even though Charlie seems to be doing better I know she’s worried about him, so I offered to come over and distract her.

At the tender ages of 28 and 30, we’ve decided to learn to play Dungeons and Dragons. We played once when this guy I was seeing invited me to his Pathfinder group, and we really enjoyed the idea of it, even though we, as new comers, didn’t get to do much. So we both ordered Dungeons & Dragons for Dummies and Dungeon Master for Dummies and we’ve decided to learn the rules, and then just play. Since neither of our book sets have come yet, I went over and showed her the show Harmonquest.

If you’re unfamiliar, it’s a great show you can find on YouTube or VRV. Dan Harmon gathers together his ex-wife, comedian Jeff Davis, and his friend Spencer to play a version of D&D/Pathfinder. They have guest stars, too, who show up to play for one episode. It’s fun because they have animators go behind the roleplay and animate what they do. I thought it would be a nice introduction to what Cat and I’s D&D nights could be.

We honestly spent most of the time futzing with her computers, though. It was fun, and I brought ice cream, and yeah. It was just a good way to wind down the evening before getting that call from D2.

This morning I got up at 1030, because I could, and decided to write a blog entry so I didn’t have weird feelings about D2 anymore. Now I have to go poke around for what to cook for lunch. I plan on reading most of the day, and helping Mothership install a new light for her backyard. That’s about it, though. Maybe hit the grocery. I need dog food.

Happy Sunday.

Lying to Mental Healthcare Professionals

Friday sucked. Actually the whole week sucked. I started the week with weird dreams. That progressed into NO SLEEP Tuesday and Wednesday night. I had to take a literal mental health day on Thursday because I was losing it, and on top of not sleeping I’d spent all week trying to cleanup a schedule that should have been clean. It was genuinely frustrating.

I spend Thursday in bed, and then when the house got too hot to sleep I went to buy shit to make cookies. I don’t bake, but I wanted to make cookies. I made four batches total, two of which were totally inedible because they were overwhelmingly gross and salty, one was fine but dry, and one was legit good. I was kind of listless. I don’t know why I wanted to make cookies. I didn’t want to eat them; I had two cookies from the okay batches and gave the rest to mothership. I just liked making them. I can’t really tell you why.

DrugItem_537

I’d been suffering through the side effects of my Abilify. The worst were the hot flashes. I would get REALLY hot, which I’m always kind of hot anyways, and then dizzy and nauseous, and it was just flat out sucked. I’m 28; I didn’t need to get a preview of menopause. So Friday night I debated taking my pill because I was going out. I ended up taking it, because I’m responsible, but I then ended up sweating to the point my friend was concerned for my health and took me home. Let’s not mention that I spent two hours picking an outfit and trying to look cute, or how my makeup melted off my face, or how when I got home I was so disappointed that I cried and went straight to bed.

I emailed my pdoc the next morning, but because it’s Kaiser, she didn’t get back to me till today. In the time between the two events I’ve quit cold turkey… but I didn’t tell her that. It was on accident, really, because Saturday night I went to David’s for an anime night, and forgot to take it before I left. I wasn’t about to take it the next morning… I have played that game and it was too terrible. So, I forgot. Then Sunday was such a good day for me, I just decided not to take it anymore. My pdoc doesn’t know that… I told her I wouldn’t tamper with my meds until I heard from her, but…. I’m tampering.

Saturday was a nice day, though. Mom and I started by taking the dogs to the vet. I was still visibly sad about the night before, but I tried to be in a good mood. The chihuahuas, Bdo & Guy, did great, except that Guy is overweight. Afterwards we took some time apart, and then went to get mani-pedis. It was nice. I got a weird beetle green. And to wrap up mom-time we went to a seafood place and got fried seafood plates.

p166036_d_v8_aa1de99fa25e7190c239f01f6f8dcd2123

That evening I went to D2’s for an anime night. I subjected him to Paprika and Metropolis while we ate $60 worth of sushi (because stoners and fat kids like sushi). It was a lot of fun. We’re having a follow up night on Friday to watch Howl’s Moving Castle and Wizards, which isn’t really anime, but I consider it honorary anime. Bird was supposed to come, but I guess she got wrapped up with other things that feel through, and she essentially slept through it all.

Sunday morning I got up, dressed like a Time Lord and went to the Renaissance Festival with my mom. We stopped at a hat shop, and I finished off my Time Lady look with a nice hat and a flower-tie thing. I wanna make those now… I need to hit Goodwill. And figure out where to buy a sewing kit… We had a lovely day at RenFest and walked until we both thought we were gonna drop.

On the way home we hit the grocery, and I spent the rest of the day not standing.

It turned into a good weekend… but it’s been a trial… not gonna lie.

Better Kind of Weekend

So, Friday night was a bust… I dunno if you read that entry, but I was really fucking depressed. I ended up NOT going to my Halloween in July party, and slept for 14 hours instead. I regret not going. I bet it was a hella good time, but I was too depressed to be out somewhere… not because I couldn’t have gone, cuz I could have, but because in a mental state of depression I get really…. impulsive. If I’d gone, I’d have paid for the Lyft to and from, then the $20 at the door, and then proceeded to drink myself into massive debt. I drink a couple hundred bucks worth of tequila in a pretty small amount of time, so while I regret not going, I do not regret not going in the mindset I was in… It wouldn’t have been any fun, anyways, and I saved a good $300 I didn’t need to spend (assuming I didn’t start buying drinks for rando people cuz I was wasted… also a thing I do).

I didn’t really feel better when I got up the next morning, but I clawed my way out of the bed and went to get a hair cut with Mom, anyways. I kept apologizing for being sad. She just pat me on the back and said it was okay. She’s so much better about my mood swings these days than she used to be, but I was still sorry. I get so overwhelmed sometimes and I can be really short with people. She used to take that personally, but over time we are doing better at it.

After the movie we tried a new theater to see Despicable Me 3. We will be going back to Movie Tavern instead. The whole experience was meh. The movie was cute, especially for a third installation of a series… I didn’t expect it to be GREAT, but it was cute. I liked it. Also, I now want a goat.

Saturday evening I had a bbq/party to go to at the Polygon. The Polygon is a communal living home full of poly people. I’m not poly, but they always invite me to stuff, so I go. They’re nice people.

I was looking forward to this party, in particular, because of a party I went to there a few years ago when I was really into binge drinking. I drank a lot and hooked up with this guy. It was not a memorable hookup, other than by the time we actually got somewhere to hookup I was tired and didn’t really wanna… and I lied about being religious as a reason not to give him a bj (“I pray with this mouth… I can’t.” hahaha). By the Polygon standards it really shouldn’t have been a thing, anyways, as I was REALLY drunk, and didn’t give ENTHUSIASTIC consent… it was more that I gave in… but whatever. I remembered him because he spent like 30 minutes telling me about how he was Jewish, and then made this comment about a chick not asking to have one of the beers he brought for the party… so I told him not to be a Jew about it… because… I’m me, and I thought that was funny. He did too, and I think that was when he decided he’s like to bang me. The fun part of the hookup was that afterwards I immediately went home while he put himself back together. I said goodbye to no one. I just ninja’d outta there and booked it home.

So a couple of months ago I was over helping one of the housemates make a YouTube video, and after we got done she was like, “This is where (dudebro) puked after you fucked him. He’s still mad you left after that, by the way.” I was like, Really?! It was 4 years ago… But I just filed that information away.

CUT TO THE PARTY.

I’ve been there for a while, having a lovely time, and I go to pee. No one is inside the house because the Polygon has no air conditioning, but the doorbell rings. There’s a sign that says to just come in, but the doorknob is a lil wonky and I guess they couldn’t get it open. So I wash my hands and go answer the door. AND IT’S THE GUY of course. Lol. He’s there with a lovely woman he brought as a date, and I let them in and say hi. He looks at me, his get huge, and then he puts on a straight face and goes, “I think… I know you right?” Like he legit couldn’t remember, which I knew was false since the housemate had told me he was still pissy. So I just start laughing maniacally. I couldn’t help it. So I’m laughing like some kind of insane person, and all I can do is choke out, “Yeah, hi (dudebro’s name)” and left them both there at the front door. I probably laughed for like 20 minutes. The rest of the party Dudebro avoided me. I made a point to chat up his chick friend, though. She was alright. Little… aloof… but she was also high as a rocket, so I didn’t think too much about it.

The rest of the party was good, though. I talked to lots of people, I got electro stimulation on my back, and I ate a lot of these crackers someone brought. When my feet hurt, I went home, though. People were getting too drunk or twisted to make conversation, so I just ninja’d out again. Most of the housemates had retreated to the depths of the house anyways, so I’m not sure anyone particularly would’ve noticed. I was home before midnight, but I’d had a good night.

Sunday I got up and made vegetable korma in the crockpot and clean before taking Mothership to pickup her new car. Really that just meant I got to play with the broker’s dog… his name was Bowser, and he was some kind of poodle mix looking thing that liked to play fetch. We played lots of fetch while she chatted with him. He used to be our GM, so they talk shop a lot. I didn’t do too much after I got home after that. Watched Planet of the Sharks (Waterworld meets Mad Max meets Jaws… it was awful).

Monday morning has been less pleasant.

I already wasn’t looking forward to today because I’m going to see a shrink today about my bipolar depression, and I have no faith that she has anything she can prescribe me that I would be interested in taking. I considered cancelling the appointment several times, but it takes SO LONG to see someone (made the appt in March) that I figured I’d just keep it and see what she has to say.

To make matters worse, my GM threw a fit over the cameras over the weekend. He had this camera system installed without consulting me, the outside IT company we use, or the corporate IT guy. So it’s never quite worked right. He got all upset that it’s not working right, and somehow it’s MY fault it’s not working right. No. Just no. I am doing the best I can with what limited knowledge I know about the cameras to just make it work at all.

He also went off about not having the password to install shit on his work laptop… which I know I gave him. And he was bitching about his PERSONAL MAC AT HOME which I am in no way responsible for. He didn’t include me, so I’m fucking out. I passed it off to the outside IT guy, and that’ll be what he does when he gets here while I’m at the shrink. I don’t WANT to know about the camera system. Not even a little bit.

I’m so over this GM, tbh. He’s an overzealous, disorganized, piece of hipster trash, more concerned with his tight suits and the line cut into his part than doing anything around here correctly. He just does shit and then piles figuring out the details on whoever is available, and I’m fucking over it. Do it right, or don’t fucking do it.

I’ve got to put real effort into my liquidation… so I can get the fuck out of here. I’m also putting real effort into my debt consolidation. I’ve got a decent credit score, but when we jump ship and run away to Oregon, I really wanna be able to take a lesser job… I could happily be a biller if we can just get together enough money to flat out buy a house without a mortgage payment… and since we’re selling here, and buying there, the economic difference MIGHT allow that. Here’s hoping.

Anyways. Feeling okay today… we shall see what shrinky dink lady says… I’ll listen to her, but I’m not going to get my hopes up that she’ll listen to me.

Palm Sunday Miracle

Okay, it’s not a miracle, but I’m super excited about my mother buying me a new computer. She got me an Acer All-In-One… just like… cuz I’ve been looking at computers for months… It’s so nice… I’m in love with it.

My mom is the best.

Today is a much better day than yesterday.
Yesterday morning at 730 my mom called me and I thought she was dying. She wasn’t, but we HAD to get her to a doctor. She’s had a respiratory infection for like a month. Since we’re on Kaiser, though, we couldn’t go to the doctor… I ended up running her to an Urgent Care center… about 20 minutes away. Not really convenient, but we got in pretty quick.

The doctor, a gentleman that I think came from Africa (he had non-specific accent and was very dark), had a fantastic bedside manner, and was very concerned this had been going on so long. So, he gave her a Z pack and prednisone. She was so much better this morning.

After we left the doctor we got breakfast and then saw Power Rangers! I still want to be the yellow ranger. Then we went to Gordman’s because she wanted to walk around… and I had spent the morning thinking she was dying, so I was down for whatever. She bought me a blanket pal, and a weird egg with feet, and some socks. It was a good time.

Today she called to ask me if I wanted Joe’s Crab Shack for lunch. So, we went to Joe’s Crab Shack for lunch. I’d mentioned I’d like her to come look at All-In-Ones with me today, because I was once again looking at what was on the market, but I found one I like and she got it for me. I dunno why, but I love it. Now, I just gotta get the Creative Cloud and get to work. I really hope I can get back in the groove of graphic design, now.

I see my doctor for my depression tomorrow. It’s been an ordeal to reach this point. On Friday, they called me and wanted to say that I couldn’t see her because I have Kaiser. I was like, no… cuz I’m just going to give you money. Money for services. That’s all we’re doing. And like, ugh. It was a whole ordeal and I had to argue with like 7 people. I just hope she can help me… I’m so tired of being tired and sad.

Also, Friday David 2 and I went to the Car Show. It was actually a lot of fun.
We’ve been watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, so we just went back to his place afterward and watched that… drank some wine. It was a good night out!

It was nice to have a pretty good weekend. I hope the week is also this good.

Best to bed.

TTYL.