13 Years

November 5, 2005 – I was officially hired by my mom’s general manager and the corporate office to file part time.

May 10, 2019 – I say goodbye to my time with Mercedes as the Office Manager, and hello to a multi-franchise dealer as the Assistant Controller.

It’s kind of a sad day.
I knew I couldn’t work here FOREVER, but my time here actually coming to an end feels so unexpected. I worked my way up from being a filing clerk to second in command of the office. I even worked in finance for a while. This store has taught me a lot about accounting, running an office, the car business, and also about my mom.

I can’t say I really wanted to work for my mom forever, because I didn’t and don’t, but I have enjoyed working for her. She’s a compassionate boss and a dedicated worker. She’s taught me a lot, and I know that if I need help in the future she’ll still tell me what she’d do. She also taught me what I don’t want to be, though, which is quiet. She puts up with a lot that I don’t think she has to. I want to be more vocal about when people are asking too much of the office, and me. I will, however, miss riding into and out of work with her. I’ll miss our ability to plan on the way in and decompress on the way out.

Still, I’m excited to see what Linda can teach me. I can already tell she’s a different kind of boss. She’s mid-40s and takes very little to no shit. I’m excited to see a woman with that kind of presence. I do think I have some skills she’ll value, though. My tech savvy ass will be trying to sell her on things like scanning and electronic everything if it’s possible. I don’t want to create upset, but I am all about doing things the most efficient way possible. So, I think it’s going be a good experience…. I’m hoping anyways.

Mom got me a cake for today. Dru is taking me to NoNo’s for lunch.

Yesterday I cleaned out my desk and moved Jen to my spot, Sarah to hers, and setup new monitors for Cheryl. I wanted to make sure everything was running smoothly before I leave. There are, of course, still going to be kinks. Jen has to teach Sarah titles and Sarah has to teach Cheryl billing, but I think that’ll work out fine. Dallis is going to be a problem. I already know that, because she’s already been a problem. She doesn’t follow directions and she’s easily distracted by… pretty much everything… but that’s Jen’s problem, now. Since both Dallis and I are daughters of managers, I tried really hard to tell her how to be professional, but at the end of the day I think Jen is just going to have to lay down the law and tell her to shape up or get out.

Anyways… Big day. Sad day.

On to new adventures.


Here’s what happened.

  • Todd = My soon to be new boss & controller
  • Cathy = Controller at a different sister store
  • Linda = Controller before Todd

So Todd is friends with Cathy. Todd got canned this morning and called Cathy to tell her that, as well as that Linda is coming back. So Linda is now going to be my new boss next month.

A, What the actual fuck is happening with this store I’m supposed to be going to?

2, What if Linda doesn’t want me there and just finds a way to get me canned?

D, I knew what I was into with Todd… with Linda, who is a great controller with lots of experience, BUT… like I have no idea what I’m in for with her.

So. I’m having a panic attack. That’s cool.

Go With It

So… Corporate is making me take that job at the sister store that I turned down. Apparently, after 13, going 14 years, my boss being my mother is finally a problem. I find this funny coming from our CFO, because prior to being the CFO, he was a controller and his dad was a head honcho at corporate. But… nepotism… I get it.

I wish they had presented it that way, though. Like, just tell me. “Hey, we can’t have you and your mom in places of management at the same store, but we want to keep you both. So, we’ve arranged for you to move to another store, which we know is struggling with office management, and to compensate you, we will be working out a raise, as well as a title change.” Oh, okay. When’s that happening so I can make all the arrangements?

I’m also a little ticked that no one has actually talked to ME about it. The CFO talks to the GM, and the GM talks to my mom instead of me. My new GM talks to me, though. So… maybe things will work themselves out.

I know I can do the job. I have no qualms about that. I am not excited to pull those hours and get everything in order… but I’m kind of excited to start somewhere new. And it’s closer to home, so maybe I’ll be able to go home at lunch, which the dogs would love.

Just… don’t feel great about it, right now. I cried about it. I was pissed off about it. Now I’m just trying to get the office in order so I don’t leave mom in a lurch. I’m also kind of excited to not be the go-to tech person anymore… that’s gonna be fun… till I mess it up and end up the go-to tech person again… I know too many things.

I was all anger and tears Friday evening, so Chris put Addi to bed and came over to just listen to me vent. Somehow, that boy always seems to make everything okay. I love that about him, but also I worry I’ll come to rely on that. We talked over how this is going to affect us and our plans… and really it just kind of speeds some stuff up. So, I guess it’s gonna be alright. We’ll figure it out.

This weekend I had a nice time, though. Chris and I took Addi to a used board game sale, and then we had a picnic in the park with Bdo and Frankie. Bdo loves Addi, so she was excited to play with him. Frankie wasn’t sure about the park… but we got her to have some fun. We tied Bdo and Frankie together, because Bdo doesn’t want to do anything and Frankie likes running… So she dragged him, and he kept her from running off. Addi played with some neighborhood kids. She was holding onto this new kind of merry-go-round and I saw her legs flying out, and was like, “that looks danger-OH NO.” She FLEW off. And I got to watch it. I laughed. I couldn’t help it. It was awesome. She cried. Chris pushed down his giggle to go check on her. Little bit of road rash, but she’s fine and went back to playing after she told Bdo she was okay.

We had a good time, and then we all went to take a nap. Chris picked me up for a game night Amber and Rob invited us to. I didn’t realize it was in Westminster when I insisted he drive. Lol. But we went, and he let me torture him with my Top Songs of 2016 playlist. We were supposed to go to some Italian buffet thing, but when we got there the wait was 2 hours… so we ended up going to CB & Potts, which was fine. I had Ahi Tuna Nachos, and they were bomb.

Amber has nice friends, and I think Chris is enjoying her dragging Rob out to do things. She took us to this cool gaming arena. You check in and pick a side. One side has a liquor license, the other is a coffee shop. Then you sit down, order, and you get your own e-hookah. I haven’t hookah’d in a long time. It was a lot of fun.

What was not fun was sitting on a folding chair and it collapsing under my weight. Talk about fat girl nightmares… I got lucky I didn’t crack my head on anything, but as I lay there, I gave up for a second. I reached a “this may as well be my life” moment. I must’ve laid there too long because a girl frantically asked if I was okay and helped me up. She turned out to be Malina… my ex-bestfriend Rachael’s sister. That was nuts. Small world syndrome is nuts. She was sweet, though. She whacked off her hair and I think she was on a first date… It gave me feelz I wasn’t into having… but I didn’t let it ruin the night.

We all got seated, I drank some tea and sucked on a hookah, and even though I brought 2 games, and Rob & Amber brought like 6, we ended up playing one of the house games called THINGS. It was a good time. Chris and I got home around midnight, and we watched standup for a bit before passing out. Since Addi goes to church with his mom, we had a lovely Sunday morning in bed just being gross and romantical. As we do.

Then I went out, got my car detailed, bought new windshield wipers for both vehicles, took mom to see Dumbo, and then hit the grocery store. It felt very productive. I liked Dumbo, btw. It was a more adult version of the story, though. I’m not sure it has much appeal for young kids. Maybe like… pre-teens. Mostly it appealed to people who grew up with the 1941 animated cartoon. They did a good job, but they changed a lot of it.

In other news, Chris’ oldest, Brinley, is coming down for her Spring Break next week. I told Chris to ask her what she wanted to do, and she wants to laser tag. Girl… we gonna laser tag! I also tried to think of some other things. Figured in a movie, and maybe we can do dinner somewhere fun one night. I’m excited to meet her, but also pre-teen girls are the meanest people on the planet, so… that should be fun.

Life is… still okay. I’m not happy about the job thing, but I can embrace this as an opportunity and go with it. I’m worried that I won’t get the house finished quick enough, but in reality we have a year to get Chris and Addi in and settled, since she’s going to be with her mom for the summer and next school year. My health is pretty good. We even managed to have sex and it was not unpleasant. It’s different, though.

It’s just a lot of change… I have never been very good at change… but I’ll be okay… cuz I have to be.

The Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea

I found a new band / song that I must listen to until I hate it.

I’ve been hanging out in the blue a lot… things haven’t gotten better at work… things aren’t better in my life, either… I can’t always keep up the optimism… and that really just adds to the feeling that I’m failing, even though I’m working as hard as I can on things in life.

I started writing a book. Scifi novel. I gotta get back on it before I’m away from it too long. I think it’s gonna be a good one if I can get it all down. Writing is a new hobby for me… but I think it could be therapeutic. I got a lot of feelings… maybe I can get some out via my novel.

I put my stationary bike together! But I haven’t ridden it yet… maybe tomorrow… I’d like to do it. I’m just so tired…

I dunno… life is hard right now… but… when is it not?

2018… Not A Great Year So Far…

How is 2018? Well… it’s not great.

Let’s review my work life right now.

  • Biller #1 walked out right before year-end bill-out
  • Biller #2 had her baby a month early, right before year-end bill-out
  • Year-end as the only biller, plus everything else I do
  • New Biller started and quit after two days
  • Finally got two billers I think will be good, and the warranty girl puts in her notice

And that’s about where we are right now.

I’m tired of training of people. My only solace is that these two billers will be good, I think. They’re both bright and motivated to work. I think if either leave any time soon I will just curl up and die under their desk as a tribute to my absolute disappointment in them. But I think they’ll stay, and they’re doing really great, and I’m excited for this bullshit to be over….

Just in time for my warranty gal to leave. She’s going to a pot-lot (car lingo for a used car lot, with buy-here-pay-here ish going on), where she’s going to be the whole office. Now, I almost went to a Maserati store where I was gonna be the whole office, but that was like 15 deals a month, and they don’t take payments at the store… so it wouldn’t have been terrible… I’m not sure this is a wise career move for my friend here, but she has to make her own decisions, and this one gives her an extra $3/hr. On top of that, she really irritates me by watching TV on her phone while she works and blatantly ignoring people who talk to her. Love her as a person, kind of hate her as an employee.  I know she can be a hard worker, but she’s been an alright employee and we know that she hates her current position doing warranty, so I wish her the best. But fuck I don’t wanna train someone to do her job…

My moods are all over the place with the constant barrage of stress and idiocy that keeps getting thrown at me at work, plus we (mothership and I) haven’t gotten a weekend off since December… so that’s pretty shite. Still, she’s getting some good money this month and has offered to help me buy a new bed and a desk for my living room… so at least I know SHE appreciates me, if no one else. We’re hoping to get the office settled and be able to sit back and do actual office manager and controller things… like analyzing data and how procedures are getting done. It would be weird to actually have that kind of time, but ya know… it’s the dream.

Tonight Kyrie and Kira (my dogs) got into it and Kira tore Kyrie’s nose open… she’s okay, but I lost my damn shit. I was just so upset, because I’m working so hard to provide a nice life for them and they fight… it’s like a real kick in the dick.

I also impulse bought books again… but I think I’m good for a while. I just… needed something to look forward to, and books are always good for that.

My eating habits are terrible, in the sense I’m eating a fuck ton, but I’m eating less crap than normal… at least it’s not Taco Bell, it’s whatever I make in the Instant Pot that day. My stationary bike should be here any day and I’m hoping to do that nightly, as well as eating less… I must eat less… but this stress is just crazy. I don’t know how people function like this ALL THE TIME. I need a break… like a vacation… Ugh.

Things That Happen When I’m Stressed

  • Nosebleeds
  • Hallucinations
  • Delusions
  • Paranoia
  • Anxiety
  • Insomnia

I think, just this week, I’ve probably bled at least a cup from my face, and, because my brain hates me, I’ve been hallucinating seeing people in my house, which feeds my delusions that someone is living in my basement, and probably wants to kill me for some reason, and then I can’t sleep, which makes everything worse.

So… that’s fun. It’s not completely soul crushing or anything.

I’ll tell you this much, getting up and going to work is all I am capable of right now, because if I throw any effort into literally anything else, like hygiene or hobbies, I will not have enough self control to work anymore.

At least I can still read at night.